short funny sayings and quotations on short sayings

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short funny sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   In the age of acorns, before the times of Ceres, a single barley-corn had been of more value to mankind than all the diamonds of the mines of India.
 ~quotes about Jewelry by Henry Brooke

   A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
 ~short funny sayings by Theodore Roosevelt

   There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it.
 ~saying on Vanity by Mark Twain, Notebook, 1898

   Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course
 ~short funny sayings by William Shakespeare

   Writing the first 90 percent of a computer program takes 90 percent of the time. The remaining ten percent also takes 90 percent of the time and the final touches also take 90 percent of the time.
 ~short by N.J. Rubenking

   Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot
 ~sayings about short by Clarence Thomas

   Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
 ~quotes about Laughter by Victor Borge

   No place is boring, if you've had a good night's sleep and have a pocket full of unexposed film.
 ~short funny sayings by Robert Adams, Darkroom & Creative Camera Techniques, May 1995

   Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do.
 ~saying on Living by Jean de la Bruyere

   Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the dessert.
 ~short funny sayings by Austin O'Malley

   Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself
 ~short by Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

   Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.
 ~sayings about short by Beverly Jones

   Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.
 ~quotes about Kindness by Author Unknown

   If the wind will not serve, take to the oars.
 ~short funny sayings by Latin Proverb

   The sun is but a morning star.
 ~saying on Mornings by Henry David Thoreau, Walden

   It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall.
 ~short funny sayings by Mexican Proverb

   The first purpose of clothes... was not warmth or decency, but ornament.... Among wild people, we find tattooing and painting even prior to clothes. The first spiritual want of a barbarous man is decoration; as indeed we still see among the barbarous classes in civilized countries.
 ~short by Thomas Carlyle

   Once you become self-conscious, there is no end to it; once you start to doubt, there is no room for anything else.
 ~sayings about short by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Most of us are aware of and pretend to detest the barefaced instances of that hypocrisy by which men deceive others, but few of us are upon our guard or see that more fatal hypocrisy by which we deceive and over-reach our own hearts.
 ~quotes about Hypocrisy by Laurence Sterne, 1760

   Philosophy is a state of fermentation, a process without final outcome.
 ~short funny sayings by Esa Saarinen

   Dignity consists not in possessing honors, but in the consciousness that we deserve them.
 ~saying on Integrity by Aristotle

   Everything that I bear within me bound, is to be found somewhere else free.
 ~short funny sayings by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Your ability to set goals and to make plans for their accomplishment is the master skill of success.
 ~short by Brian Tracy

   If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.
 ~sayings about short by Edgar W. Howe

   Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.
 ~quotes about Manners by Bennett Cerf

   Lord save us all from... a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
 ~short funny sayings by Mark Twain

   What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
 ~saying on Hypocrisy by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Some Americans need hyphens in their names, because only part of them has come over; but when the whole man has come over, heart and thought and all, the hyphen drops of its own weight out of his name.
 ~short funny sayings by Woodrow Wilson

   Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind.
 ~short by Kay Ingram

   Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
 ~sayings about short by Henry Kissinger

   People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream -- what they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive
 ~quotes about Dreams by Xander

   Geology shows that fossils are of different ages. Paleontology shows a fossil sequence, the list of species represented changes through time. Taxonomy shows biological relationships among species. Evolution is the explanation that threads it all together. Creationism is the practice of squeezing one's eyes shut and wailing Does not!
 ~short funny sayings by Dr.Pepper@f241.n103.z1.fidonet.org

   I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image
 ~saying on Computers by Stephen Hawking

   Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.
 ~short funny sayings by Haim Ginott

   You can be sincere and still be stupid.
 ~short by Charles F. Kettering

   Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.
 ~sayings about short by Voltaire

   From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
 ~quotes about Famous Saying by Groucho Marx

   Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.
 ~short funny sayings by Isaac Bashevis Singer

   Physical ills are the taxes laid upon this wretched life; some are taxed higher, and some lower, but all pay something.
 ~saying on Health by Lord Chesterfield

   Worry is a complete cycle of inefficient thought revolving about a pivot of fear.
 ~short funny sayings by Author Unknown

   Coffee and tobacco are complete repose.
 ~short by Turkish Proverb

   One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
 ~sayings about short by Peter Jacobsen

   It doesn't hurt to be optimistic. You can always cry later.
 ~quotes about Optimism Pessimism by Lucimar Santos de Lima

   No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.
 ~short funny sayings by Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

   Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
 ~saying on Worry by Author Unknown

   You know, when I first went into the movies Lionel Barrymore played my grandfather. Later he played my father and finally he played my husband. If he had lived I'm sure I would have played his mother. That's the way it is in Hollywood. The men get younger and the women get older.
 ~short funny sayings by Lillian Gish

   A written down goal, in some way no one yet understands, tends to attract every ingredient it needs to realize it.
 ~short by

   Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk?
 ~sayings about short by Alice Walker, The Color Purple, 1982

   When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale
 ~quotes about Election Day by John Gardner

   I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.
 ~short funny sayings by Fritz Perls

   When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.
 ~saying on Decisions by William James

   A woman should soften but not weaken a man.
 ~short funny sayings by Sigmund Freud

   I haven't had sex in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.
 ~short by Kimberly Jones

   Truth fears no questions.
 ~sayings about short by Unknown

   There is nothing like walking to get the feel of a country. A fine landscape is like a piece of music; it must be taken at the right tempo. Even a bicycle goes too fast.
 ~quotes about Bicycling by Paul Scott Mowrer, The House of Europe

   Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.
 ~short funny sayings by Jack Benny

   Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
 ~saying on Life by Grandma Moses

   The pedigree of honey does not concern the bee, a clover, anytime, to him, is aristocracy.
 ~short funny sayings by Emily Dickinson

   Rock music in its lyrics often talks ahead of the time about what's going on in the country.
 ~short by Edmund G. Brown


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