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How many things are there which I do not want. I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter. [T]his is California. Blondes are like the state flower or something. Learning is not easy, but hard; culture is severe. The steps to Parnassus are steep and terribly arduous. [A] genuine tattoo.... tells a story. I like stories and tattoos, no matter how well done, and if they don't tell a story that involves you emotionally, then they're just there for decoration, then they're not a valid tattoo. There has to be some emotional appeal or they're not, to my way of thinking, a real tattoo. It tells people what you are and what you believe in, so there's no mistakes. If you want to ruin the truth, stretch it. Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while It is an old habit with theologians to beat the living with the bones of the dead. Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it.... Success is shy - it won't come out while you're watching. There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Everyone smiles in the same language. Experience teaches only the teachable. No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical. The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. Solvitur ambulando, St. Jerome was fond of saying. To solve a problem, walk around. Religion is a monumental chapter in the history of human egotism. Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead. The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without his teacher. War is fear cloaked in courage. You mix two jiggers of scotch to one jigger of Metrecal. So far I've lost five pounds and my driver's license All our lives we are putting pennies - our most golden pennies - into penny-in-the-slot machines that are almost always empty. There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil. Some old women and men grow bitter with age; the more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. [H]istory gives answers only to those who know how to ask questions. The historian has been the hearth at which the soul of the country has been kept alive. Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word. Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. 'Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark our coming, and look brighter when we come. Somebody recently figured out that we have 35 million laws to enforce the ten commandments. The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. What makes resisting temptation difficult for many people is they don't want to discourage it completely. Sleep lingers all our lifetime about our eyes, as night hovers all day in the boughs of the fir-tree. When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break. We cast away priceless time in dreams, born of imagination, fed upon illusion and put to death by reality I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. I like the silence of a church, before the service begins better than any preaching. I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. Life’s royal crown jewels: health and peace of mind. Treat them royally. My religiosity consists in a humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God. Remember the tea kettle - it is always up to its neck in hot water, yet it still sings! Only a stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things. Find a need and fill it. Progress imposes not only new possibilities for the future but new restrictions. God's interest in the human race is nowhere better evinced than in obstetrics. Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers. How cunningly nature hides every wrinkle of her inconceivable antiquity under roses and violets and morning dew! During my second year of nursing school our professor gave us a quiz. I breezed through the questions until I read the last one: What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school? Surely this was a joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before the class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our grade. Absolutely, the professor said. In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello. I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy. 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