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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me In America today you can murder land for private profit. You can leave the corpse for all to see, and nobody calls the cops. We are immature, as long as we think we are an exception to the law of averages. They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation. Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them. If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. Is man a savage at heart, skinned o'er with fragile Manners? Or is savagery but a faint taint in the natural man's gentility, which erupts now and again like pimples on an angel's arse? Why waste money on psychotherapy when you can listen to the B Minor Mass? Hope has as many lives as a cat or a king I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later win a little more. When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender handThe frien My life is my message Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine Man loves company even if it is only that of a small burning candle. Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long. When a man forgets his ideals he may hope for happiness, but not till then. Fear is faith that it won't work out. It is literally true, as the thankless say, that they have nothing to be thankful forHe who sits by the fire, thankless for the fire, is just as if he had no fireNothing is possessed save in appreciation, of which thankfulness is the indispensable ingredi If someone gives you advice, it is in his own interest. - Tunisian Proverb The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco. What's wrong with this world is, it's not finished yet. It is not competed to the point where man can put his final signature to the job and say, It is finished. We made it and it works. I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework Waste is a tax on the whole people. As the poet said, Only God can make a tree - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. If experience was so important, we'd never have had anyone walk on the moon. The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left If you are a host to your guest, be a host to his dog also. By night, an atheist half believes in God. If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it. Never worry about the size of your Christmas treeIn the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall Peace - that was the other name for home. Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. The only measure of your worth and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're gone The sweetest sounds to mortals given, Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven. We didn't all come over on the same ship, but we're all in the same boat. Red serpents, fiery forms, and yelling hags,Fit company for mad adventurers. Drawing on my find command of language, I said nothing. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave. Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension. Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another Men prefer brief praise, pitched high; women are satisfied with praise in a lower key, just so it goes on and on. Writing comes more easily if you have something to say. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day? I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day? My mom would always say, Every day is Kid's Day. To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner? Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or yearEven when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn't have when you were young you no longer want. Our children more attention pay, to what we do, than what we say. Training by example is easy and fast; by explaining long and difficult. Nerves and butterflies are fine - they're a physical sign that you're mentally ready and eager. You have to get the butterflies to fly in formation, that's the trick. Why are men reluctant to become fathers? They aren't through being children. Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved. After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. 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