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joke and funny sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   [H]istorians have powerful imaginations, which are essential and dangerous.
 ~quotes about History by Robert Stinson

   I hope you have lost your good looks, for while they last any fool can adore you, and the adoration of fools is bad for the soul. No, give me a ruined complexion and a lost figure and sixteen chins on a farmyard of Crow's feet and an obvious wig. Then you shall see me coming out strong.
 ~joke and funny sayings by George Bernard Shaw, to Mrs. Patrick Campbell

   [M]y own suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.
 ~saying on Miscellaneous by J.B.S. Haldane, Possible Worlds and Other Papers, 1927

   The great men of science are supreme artists.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Martin H. Fischer

   Your environment largely shapes your future. Take the time to select one that will shape the kind you’d like to have.
 ~joke by

   A hug is the shortest distance between friends.
 ~sayings about joke by Author Unknown

   No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
 ~quotes about Writing by Henry Brooks Adams, The Education of Henry Adams, 1907

   Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
 ~joke and funny sayings by Author Unknown

   You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
 ~saying on Children by Franklin P. Jones

   Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Clifford Stoll

   Most things in life are moments of pleasure and a lifetime of embarrassment; photography is a moment of embarrassment and a lifetime of pleasure.
 ~joke by Tony Benn

   To dance with a man is to concentrate a twelvemonth's regulation fire upon him in the fragment of an hour. To pass to courtship without acquaintance, to pass to marriage without courtship, is a skipping of terms reserved for those alone who tread this royal road
 ~sayings about joke by Thomas Hardy

   Accidents, and particularly street and highway accidents, do not happen - they are caused.
 ~quotes about Safety by Ernest Greenwood

   Civilization is a movement and not a condition, a voyage and not a harbor.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Arnold Toynbee

   The more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws.
 ~saying on Justice by Tacitus, Annals

   You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Earl Wilson

   If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody.
 ~joke by J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

   If you hate your lot but wouldn't trade it, it's not your lot you hate.
 ~sayings about joke by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   I take it that what all men are really after is some form of, perhaps only some formula of, peace.
 ~quotes about Peace by James Conrad

   Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
 ~joke and funny sayings by James Alexander Thom

   It is well that you should celebrate your Arbor Day thoughtfully, for within your lifetime the nation's need of trees will become serious. We of an older generation can get along with what we have, though with growing hardship; but in your full manhood an
 ~saying on Arbor Day by Theodore Roosevelt, 1907 Arbor Day Message

   Men may come, men may go, but I go on forever
 ~joke and funny sayings by

   Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.
 ~joke by Art Buchwald

   In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.
 ~sayings about joke by Blaise Pascal

   If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
 ~quotes about Dogs by Will Rogers

   As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them
 ~joke and funny sayings by John Fitzgerald Kennedy

   Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart
 ~saying on Commitment Ceremonies by Author Unknown

   How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a lack of tragedy
 ~joke and funny sayings by Paul Sweeney

   A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.
 ~joke by Mark Twain

   Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.
 ~sayings about joke by Alice Walker

   I am a part of all that I have met.
 ~quotes about Philosophical by Alfred Lord Tennyson

   To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1825

   All this pitting of sex against sex, of quality against quality; all this claiming of superiority and imputing of inferiority belong to the private-school stage of human existence where there are sides, and it is necessary for one side to beat another side.
 ~saying on Feminism by Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929

   I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within the year.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Bette Davis

   There are sufferings that have lost their memory and do not remember why they are suffering.
 ~joke by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
 ~sayings about joke by Oscar Wilde

   A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow
 ~quotes about Death by Charles Brower

   You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Laurence J. Peter

   An artist, in giving a concert, should not demand an entrance fee but should ask the public to pay, just before leaving as much as they like. From the sum he would be able to judge what the world thinks of him - and we would have fewer mediocre concerts.
 ~saying on Music by Kit Coleman, Kit Coleman: Queen of Hearts

   A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job
 ~joke and funny sayings by Ella Harris

   Love and business and family and religion and art and patriotism are nothing but shadows of words when a man's starving.
 ~joke by O. Henry, Heart of the West, 1907

   We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls.
 ~sayings about joke by Robert J. McCracken

   When we lost I couldn't sleep at night. When we win I can't sleep at night. But when you win, you wake up feeling better
 ~quotes about Baseball by Joe Torre

   The history of the world is the record of a man in quest of his daily bread and butter.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Hendrik Wilhelm van Loon, The Story of Mankind

   Friends are God's apology for relations.
 ~saying on Family by Hugh Kingsmill

   Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Menclus

   Man creates problems. Government and bureaucrats magnify them 100 times
 ~joke by George Van Valkenburg

   Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule.
 ~sayings about joke by Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, 1886

   Faith is a passionate intuition.
 ~quotes about Faith by William Wordsworth

   If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Carl Sagan

   Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law
 ~saying on Valentine's Day by Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

   A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Charles Gordy

   Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.
 ~joke by Havelock Ellis, On Life and Sex: Essays of Love and Virtue, 1937

   Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out.
 ~sayings about joke by Norman Mailer

   If money be not thy servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him
 ~quotes about Money by Francis Bacon

   Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!
 ~joke and funny sayings by Author Unknown

   Curiosity is only vanity. Most frequently we wish not to know, but to talk. We would not take a sea voyage for the sole pleasure of seeing without hope of ever telling.
 ~saying on Curiosity by Blaise Pascal, Pensées

   The sound of a car door opening in front of you is similar to the sound of a gun being cocked.
 ~joke and funny sayings by Amy Webster

   Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.
 ~joke by Gloria Steinem, New York Times, 26 August 1971


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