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joke and funny saying generated randomly from our collections

motivational quote for kid,african american motivational quote,inspirational quotations,inspirational teacher message,i love lyric saying,

   A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.
 ~quotes about Attitude by William Arthur Ward

   Freedom is that instant between when someone tells you to do something and when you decide how to respond.
 ~joke and funny saying by Jeffrey Borenstein

   Howiver, I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
 ~saying on Women by George Eliot, The Harvest Supper, Adam Bede

   A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
 ~joke and funny saying by Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995

   Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
 ~joke by Thomas à Kempis, Imitation of Christ, c.1420

   What do you call a cyclist who doesn't wear a helmet? An organ donor.
 ~sayings about joke by David Perry

   Charm is... a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.
 ~quotes about Charm by Albert Camus, The Fall, 1956

   I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas DayWe try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole yearAs for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the yearAnd thus I drift along into the holida
 ~joke and funny saying by David Grayson

   Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs.
 ~saying on Conformity by Moritz Guedemann

   All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
 ~joke and funny saying by Anatole France

   There are two things that one must get used to or one will find life unendurable: the damages of time and injustices of men.
 ~joke by Nicolas Chamfort

   The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
 ~sayings about joke by Alfred Hitchcock

   I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.
 ~quotes about Love by Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

   Give the church a place in the Constitution, let her touch once more the sword of power, and the priceless fruit of all ages will turn to ashes on the lips of men.
 ~joke and funny saying by Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 1

   So long as all the increased wealth which modern progress brings goes but to build up great fortunes, to increase luxury and make sharper the contrast between the House of Have and the House of Want, progress is not real and cannot be permanent.
 ~saying on Society by Henry George, Progress and Poverty, 1879

   Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart.
 ~joke and funny saying by Gabrielle Coco Chanel

   Shipping is a terrible thing to do to vegetables. They probably get jet-lagged, just like people.
 ~joke by Elizabeth Berry

   Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope.
 ~sayings about joke by Author Unknown

   The thoughts that come often unsought, and, as it were, drop into the mind, are commonly the most valuable of any we have.
 ~quotes about Thinking by John Locke, 16 May 1699

   Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
 ~joke and funny saying by W.C. Fields

   So long as God reveals Himself, or doesn't, He is behaving like God.
 ~saying on God by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
 ~joke and funny saying by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Player Piano

   Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them.
 ~joke by Gene Perret

   Better than low taxes for mending hard times is the habit of spending less than we earn. Wealth comes oftener from decreasing our wants than from increasing our income. A real sign of growing sense is learning to reduce expenses.
 ~sayings about joke by

   Cruelty is one fashion statement we can all do without.
 ~quotes about Animal Rights by Rue McClanahan

   Success is due less to ability than to zeal.
 ~joke and funny saying by Charles Buxton

   Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
 ~saying on Courage by Robert Cody

   The body never lies.
 ~joke and funny saying by Martha Graham

   To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance.
 ~joke by Buddha

   If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
 ~sayings about joke by Don Marquis

   No one does anything from a single motive
 ~quotes about Motivation by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

   The place was always cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck.
 ~joke and funny saying by Andre Dawson, on Montreal

   I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.
 ~saying on Gratitude by Benjamin Disraeli

   We grow gray in our spirit long before we grow gray in our hair.
 ~joke and funny saying by Charles Lamb

   I am not bound for any public place, but for ground of my own where I have planted vines and orchard trees, and in the heat of the day climbed up into the healing shadow of the woods. Better than any argument is to rise at dawn and pick dew-wet red berries in a cup.
 ~joke by Wendell Berry

   My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

 ~sayings about joke by Dalai Lama

   The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
 ~quotes about Ignorance by Josh Billings

   A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer lives are based on the labors of other people,``living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
 ~joke and funny saying by Albert Einstein

   Our dream dashes itself against the great mystery like a wasp against a window pane. Less merciful than man, God never opens the window.
 ~saying on Hawww by Jules Renard, Journal, 1906

   Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence - those are the three pillars of Western prosperity.
 ~joke and funny saying by Aldous Huxley, Island

   A house without books is like a room without windows
 ~joke by Horace Mann

   Heaven is blessed with perfect rest but the blessing of earth is toil.
 ~sayings about joke by Henry van Dyke

   My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading
 ~quotes about Computers by Steve Jobs

   All right Mister, let me tell you what winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, give more than anyone else
 ~joke and funny saying by Vince Lombardi

   Yes, one must suffer, even in vain, so as not to have lived in vain.
 ~saying on Adversity by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   God is a child who amuses himself, going from laughing to crying for no reason, each day reinventing the world to the chagrin of hair-splitters, pedants, and preachers, who try to teach God his job as Creator.
 ~joke and funny saying by Elie Faure, L'Esprit des formes, 1927

   We are all such a waste of our potential, like three-way lamps using one-way bulbs.
 ~joke by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   He who does not fill his world with phantoms remains alone.
 ~sayings about joke by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   If the sole reason why you must not kill your neighbour is because God has forbidden it and will severely punish you for it in this or the next life - then, when you learn that there is no God and that you need not fear His punishment, you will certainly kill your neighbour without hesitation, and you can only be prevented from doing so by mundane force. Thus either these dangerous masses must be held down most severely and kept most carefully away from any chance of intellectual awakening, or else the relationship between civilization and religion must undergo a fundamental revision.
 ~quotes about Religion by Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

   Character is higher than intellect.
 ~joke and funny saying by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
 ~saying on Dogs by Dave Barry

   Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
 ~joke and funny saying by William James

   I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody's head.
 ~joke by John Updike

   Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.
 ~sayings about joke by Robert Schuller

   Quotations will tell the full measure of meaning, if you have enough of them.
 ~quotes about Quotations by James Murray

   Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.
 ~joke and funny saying by Rainer Maria Rilke

   Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money.
 ~saying on Trees by Cree Indian Proverb

   The tyrant is nothing but a slave turned inside out.
 ~joke and funny saying by Herbert Spencer

   Poetry is nobody's business except the poet's, and everybody else can fuck off.
 ~joke by Philip Larkin


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