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funny witty quotes generated randomly from our collections

funny 40th birthday saying,funny sayings about love,sports motivational quote,motivational quote for athletes,funny retirement saying,

   Few men discover their highest powers before the pass on. What tragic waste.
 ~quotes about Creativity by

   Never dwell on what you have lost, only on what you have left. Count your blessings. You’ll always find plenty. You most prized possessions are your un-expired years.
 ~funny witty quotes by

   It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.
 ~saying on Brothers by Dylan Thomas

   The college degree is no longer the golden key to success, the golden key is GOAL SETTING and WILL POWER.
 ~funny witty quotes by

   They fell, but o'er their glorious grave, Floats free the banner of the cause they died to save.
 ~witty by Francis Marion Crawford

   A useless life is an early death.
 ~sayings about witty by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

   It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built upon a renunciation of instinct.
 ~quotes about Civilization by Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents

   Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet.
 ~funny witty quotes by Vietnamese Proverb

   The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly
 ~saying on Anniversaries by Peter De Vries

   Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
 ~funny witty quotes by Swedish Proverb

   From the satisfaction of desire there may arise, accompanying joy and as it were sheltering behind it, something not unlike despair.
 ~witty by André Gide, The Counterfeiters, 1925

   The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
 ~sayings about witty by Jim Davis

   Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.
 ~quotes about Compassion by Buddha

   History: the category of human phenomena which tends to catastrophe.
 ~funny witty quotes by Jules Romains, Men of Good Will

   When life gives u lemons, make lemonade, then find someone whos life gave em liquor and mix some drinks :)
 ~saying on Living by

   Prize fighters can sometimes read and write when they start - but they can't when they finish.
 ~funny witty quotes by Martin H. Fischer

   Bygone troubles are good to tell
 ~witty by Yiddish Proverb

   Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something
 ~sayings about witty by Author Unknown

   If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Into his nest again, I shall not live in vain
 ~quotes about Cool by Emily Dickinson

   Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
 ~funny witty quotes by John Muir

   America’s greatest banker: In my 43 years of banking, I never knew of anyone who saved money on large income who didn’t get the habit on small one.
 ~saying on Financial by J. P. Morgan

   The world is governed more by appearance than realities so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.
 ~funny witty quotes by Daniel Webster

   If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi.
 ~witty by Author unknown, as seen on a bumper sticker

   Most of our diversions do not so much delay death as accustom us to it.
 ~sayings about witty by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   Our modern society is engaged in polishing and decorating the cage in which man is kept imprisoned.
 ~quotes about Society by Swami Nirmalananda, Enlightened Anarchism

   The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
 ~funny witty quotes by Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris

   If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies
 ~saying on Butterfly by Unknown

   We are all born mad. Some remain so
 ~funny witty quotes by Samuel Beckett

   Time and space - time to be alone, space to move about - these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.
 ~witty by Edwin Way Teale, Autumn Across America, 1956

   He does not need opium. He has the gift of reverie.
 ~sayings about witty by Anais Nin

   I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!
 ~quotes about Reality by Author Unknown

   Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.
 ~funny witty quotes by Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur

   Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library. A company of the wisest and wittiest men that could be picked out of all civil countries, in a thousand years, have set in best order the results of their learning and wisdom. The men themselves were hid and inaccessible, solitary, impatient of interruption, fenced by etiquette; but the thought which they did not uncover to their bosom friend is here written out in transparent words to us, the strangers of another age.
 ~saying on Libraries by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Books, Society and Solitude

   Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say
 ~funny witty quotes by Unknown

   Every creature is better alive than dead, men and moose and pine trees, and he who understands it aright will rather preserve its life than destroy it.
 ~witty by Henry David Thoreau, Chesuncook, The Maine Woods, 1848

   There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
 ~sayings about witty by G.K. Chesterton

   Beware the fury of a patient man.
 ~quotes about Patience by John Dryden, Absolam and Achitophel, 1680

   The world is your school.
 ~funny witty quotes by Martin H. Fischer

   One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter
 ~saying on Friends by Francoise Sagan

   I think the true gardener is a lover of his flowers, not a critic of them. I think the true gardener is the reverent servant of Nature, not her truculent, wife-beating master. I think the true gardener, the older he grows, should more and more develop a humble, grateful and uncertain spirit.
 ~funny witty quotes by Reginald Farrer, In a Yorkshire Garden, 1909

   There is no god higher than truth.
 ~witty by Mahatma Gandhi

   Our government... teaches the whole people by its example. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy.
 ~sayings about witty by Justice Louis Dembitz Brandeis

   Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life
 ~quotes about Friends by James Francis Byrnes

   The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder
 ~funny witty quotes by Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929

   When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.
 ~saying on Gratitude by Chinese Proverb

   Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game.
 ~funny witty quotes by Paul Rodriguez

   Several men I can think of are as capable, as smart, as funny, as compassionate, and as confused - as remarkable you might say - as most women.
 ~witty by Jane Howard

   The plague of government is senile delinquency.
 ~sayings about witty by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.
 ~quotes about Humankind by Mark Twain, Following the Equator, 1897

   The true Indian sets no price upon either his property or his labor. His generosity is limited only by his strength and ability. He regards it as an honor to be selected for difficult or dangerous service and would think it shameful to ask for any reward, saying rather: Let the person I serve express his thanks according to his own bringing up and his sense of honor.
 ~funny witty quotes by Ohiyesa of the Santee Sioux (Charles Alexander Eastman)

   My dad taught me to switch-hit. He and my grandfather, who was left-handed, pitched to me everyday after school in the back yard. I batted lefty against my dad and righty against my granddad.
 ~saying on Baseball by Mickey Mantle

   Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.
 ~funny witty quotes by Paul Pearshall

   The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness.
 ~witty by Eric Sevareid, The Press and the People, television program, 1959

   We’ll never do much good in the world as long as we wonder whether it will bring us any credit.
 ~sayings about witty by

   The fatal tendency of mankind to leave off thinking about a thing when it is no longer doubtful, is the cause of half their errors.
 ~quotes about Conformity by John Stuart Mill

   A hug is a smile with arms, a laugh with a stronger grip.
 ~funny witty quotes by Terri Guillemets

   We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their acts.
 ~saying on Action by Harold Nicolson

   Rationality is the recognition of the fact that nothing can alter the truth and nothing can take precedence over that act of perceiving it.
 ~funny witty quotes by Ayn Rand

   Some minds seem almost to create themselves, springing up under every disadvantage and working their solitary but irresistible way through a thousand obstacles.
 ~witty by Washington Irving, The Sketch Book, 1820


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