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funny tv quotes generated randomly from our collections

good quotes for relationship,funny stupid quotes,funny work quote,inspirational biblical quote,famous american sayings,

   Arizona looks like a battle on Mars.
 ~quotes about Arizona by Author Unknown

   You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself
 ~funny tv quotes by Harry Firestone

   Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.
 ~saying on Hair by Fran Lebowitz

   I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
 ~funny tv quotes by Penny Ward Moser

   A problem is a chance for you to do your best
 ~tv by Duke Ellington

   A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.
 ~sayings about tv by D. Elton Trueblood

   High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
 ~quotes about Clothing by Christopher Morley

   If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
 ~funny tv quotes by Earl Wilson

   [T]he American is a gentle guy; but don't pressure him; if you do he turns toad and squirts poison.
 ~saying on America by Martin H. Fischer

   This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in
 ~funny tv quotes by Theodore Roosevelt

   To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other
 ~tv by Jack Handy

   The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed - it is a process of elimination.
 ~sayings about tv by Elbert Hubbard

   Love is always present, it is just a matter of feeling it or not
 ~quotes about Romantic Quotes by Kimberly Kirberg

   History offers some consolation by reminding us that sin has flourished in every age.
 ~funny tv quotes by Will and Ariel Durant, Lessons of History

   Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather serious when I suggest that someone should plant a few whoopee cushions in the United Nations.
 ~saying on Humor by Ron Dentinger

   Never be without pencil or paper to catch unexpected but useful tips, facts, ideas.
 ~funny tv quotes by

   Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
 ~tv by Author Unknown

   If the King loves music, it is well with the land.
 ~sayings about tv by Mencius

   Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected
 ~quotes about Children by Red Buttons

   The eager and often inconsiderate appeals of reformers and revolutionists are indispensable to counterbalance the inertia and fossilism marking so large a part of human institutions.
 ~funny tv quotes by Walt Whitman, Democratic Vistas, 1871

   The speedway ends at the cemetery.
 ~saying on Driving by Author Unknown

   He gained a world; he gave that world Its grandest lesson: "On! sail on!"
 ~funny tv quotes by Joaquin Miller

   Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise.
 ~tv by Kathleen Turner

   There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back.
 ~sayings about tv by Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister

   If the World Series runs until election day, the networks will run the first one-half inning and project the winner.
 ~quotes about Politics by Lindsey Nelson

   A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.
 ~funny tv quotes by Latin Proverb

   Many people take no care of their money till they come nearly to the end of it, and others do just the same with their time.
 ~saying on Carpe Diem by Johann von Goethe

   Women are never landlocked: they're always mere minutes away from the briny deep of tears.
 ~funny tv quotes by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.
 ~tv by Ken Kesey

   You can't run away from troubleThere ain't no place that far
 ~sayings about tv by Uncle Remus

   No man is quick enough to enjoy life to the full.
 ~quotes about Carpe Diem by Spanish Proverb

   Most passport pictures are good likenesses, and it is time we faced it.
 ~funny tv quotes by Katharine Brush

   The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase: if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
 ~saying on Happiness by C.P. Snow

   Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects
 ~funny tv quotes by Arnold Glasow

   You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything - even poverty - you can survive it
 ~tv by Bill Cosby

   We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved.
 ~sayings about tv by Author Unknown

   Books are the compasses and telescopes and sextants and charts which other men have prepared to help us navigate the dangerous seas of human life.
 ~quotes about Books Reading by Jesse Lee Bennett

   The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
 ~funny tv quotes by Adlai Stevenson

   You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.
 ~saying on Places by Alec Waugh

   Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
 ~funny tv quotes by Oliver Wendell Holmes

   Watch a man in times of... adversity to discover what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off
 ~tv by Lucretius, On the Nature of Things

   A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right.
 ~sayings about tv by John K. Hutchens, New York Herald Tribune, 10 September 1961

   After a visit to the beach, it's hard to believe that we live in a material world
 ~quotes about Earth Day by Pam Shaw

   The two main hazards of psychoanalysis: that it might fail, and that if it succeeds, you'll never be able to forgive yourself for all those wasted years.
 ~funny tv quotes by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   War is the only game in which it doesn't pay to have the home-court advantage.
 ~saying on War by Dick Motta

   Politicians are like diapersThey both need changing regularly and for the same reason
 ~funny tv quotes by Author Unknown

   The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
 ~tv by Don Marquis

   Applause is a receipt, not a bill.
 ~sayings about tv by Dale Carnegie

   History is a gallery of pictures in which there are few originals and many copies.
 ~quotes about History by Alexis de Tocqeville, 1856

   The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them.
 ~funny tv quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche

   The eloquent man is he who is no beautiful speaker, but who is inwardly and desperately drunk with a certain belief.
 ~saying on Speeches by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals, 1845

   You have to learn to treat people as a resource......you have to ask not what do they cost, but what is the yield, what can they produce?
 ~funny tv quotes by Peter F. Drucker

   Tragedy is restful: and the reason is that hope, that foul, deceitful thing, has no part in it
 ~tv by Jean Anouilh, Antigone, 1942

   God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.
 ~sayings about tv by J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922

   Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.
 ~quotes about Perseverance by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character.
 ~funny tv quotes by John Morley

   I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
 ~saying on Vegetarianism by Rita Rudner

   We are asleep with compasses in our hands.
 ~funny tv quotes by W.S. Merwin

   Light can be gentle, dangerous, dreamlike, bare, living, dead, misty, clear, hot, dark, violet, springlike, falling, straight, sensual, limited, poisonous, calm and soft.
 ~tv by Sven Nykvist


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