funny tombstone sayings and quotations on tombstone sayings

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funny tombstone sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   Your opponent, in the end, is never really the player on the other side of the net, or the swimmer in the next lane, or the team on the other side of the field, or even the bar you must high-jump. Your opponent is yourself, your negative internal voices, your level of determination
 ~quotes about Sports by Grace Lichtenstein

   I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by George Washington

   Nothing is interesting if you're not interested.
 ~saying on Attitude by Helen MacInness

   Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Stanley Horowitz

   Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem.
 ~tombstone by G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions, 1910

   Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.
 ~sayings about tombstone by Dinah Shore

   Just around the corner in every woman's mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her.
 ~quotes about Clothing by Wilhela Cushman

   To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring
 ~funny tombstone sayings by W.J. Vogel

   Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.
 ~saying on Adversity by Edwin Markham

   An apology is a good way to have the last word
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Author Unknown

   Love is being stupid together
 ~tombstone by Paul Valery

   To a runner, a side stich is like a car alarm. It signifies something is wrong, but you ignore it until it goes away.
 ~sayings about tombstone by Author Unknown

   When one has a great deal to put into it a day has a hundred pockets.
 ~quotes about Carpe Diem by Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human

   Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Esa Tikkannen, 1979

   Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
 ~saying on Relationship by Albert Camus

   Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? Is it because we are not the person involved?
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894

   It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.
 ~tombstone by Mark Twain

   Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did
 ~sayings about tombstone by Malcolm Forbes

   A lot of people are willing to give God credit, but so few ever give Him cash.
 ~quotes about God by Robert E. Harris, Laugh with the Circuit Rider

   I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said No.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Woody Allen

   Why does everybody stand up and sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame when they're already there?
 ~saying on Baseball by Larry Anderson

   Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Author Unknown

   Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with ageSometimes age just shows up all by itself
 ~tombstone by Tom Wilson

   It is utterly forbidden to be half-hearted about gardening. You have got to love your garden whether you like it or not.
 ~sayings about tombstone by W.C. Sellar & R.J. Yeatman, Garden Rubbish, 1936

   It is well to know something of the manners of various peoples, in order more sanely to judge our own, and that we do not think that everything against our modes is ridiculous, and against reason, as those who have seen nothing are accustomed to think.
 ~quotes about Equality Difference by René Descartes, Discourse on the Method, 1637 (translated)

   Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Joseph Addison, The Spectator

   Men are at war with each other because each man is at war with himself.
 ~saying on War by Francis Meehan

   [History is] the story of the magnificent rear-guard action fought during several thousand years by dogma against curiosity.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Robert S. Lynd

   Just Do It!
 ~tombstone by Nike

   You cannot help but learn more as you take the world into your hands. Take it up reverently, for it is an old piece of clay, with millions of thumbprints on it.
 ~sayings about tombstone by John Updike

   You spend 16 hours working and sleeping every day. Why not 30 minutes sharpening your mind.
 ~quotes about Self Improvement by

   There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 1945

   Games of chance are traps to catch school boy novies and gaping country squires, who begin with a guinea and end with a mortgage.
 ~saying on Gambling by Author Unknown

   Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Samuel Johnson

   At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.
 ~tombstone by Friedrich Nietzsche

   Ronaldo is always very close to being either onside or offside
 ~sayings about tombstone by Ronaldo

   The gross heathenism of civilization has generally destroyed nature, and poetry, and all that is spiritual.
 ~quotes about Environment by John Muir, letter to J.B. McChesney, 19 September 1871

   RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Author Unknown

   Law never made men a whit more just.
 ~saying on Justice by Henry David Thoreau

   I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. I will be rich by myself, and not by borrowing.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Michel de Montaigne

   They hover as a cloud of witnesses above this Nation
 ~tombstone by Henry Ward Beecher

   There are but three events in a man's life: birth, life, and death. He is not conscious of being born, he dies in pain, and he forgets to live.
 ~sayings about tombstone by Jean de la Bruyère

   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
 ~quotes about War by Bertrand Russell

   Auld Daddy Darkness creeps frae his hole,Black as a blackmoor, blin' as a mole.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by James Farguson

   What has been the effect of religious coercion? To make half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites.
 ~saying on Religion by Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, 1785

   Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Elsa Schiaparelli

   The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists the circulation of the blood.
 ~tombstone by Logan Pearsall Smith

   Objectivity has about as much substance as the emperor's new clothes.
 ~sayings about tombstone by Connie Miller

   Dancers are instruments, like a piano the choreographer plays.
 ~quotes about Dancing by George Balanchine

   He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Roy L. Smith

   Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors.
 ~saying on Nurses by Gerhard Kocher

   Sometimes questions are more important than answers.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Nancy Willard, quoted in The Meaning of Life, compiled by Hugh S. Moorhead

   The problem is that when you get it, you're too damned old to do anything about it.
 ~tombstone by Jimmy Connors, on experience

   The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
 ~sayings about tombstone by John Sladek

   Nobody seems more obsessed by diet than our anti-materialistic, otherworldly, New Age spiritual types. But if the material world is merely illusion, an honest guru should be as content with Budweiser and bratwurst as with raw carrot juice, tofu and seaweed slime.
 ~quotes about Food by Edward Abbey

   Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life

   There is no failure except in no longer trying.
 ~saying on Failure by Elbert Hubbard

   I believe more follies are committed out of complaisance to the world, than in following our own inclinations.
 ~funny tombstone sayings by Mary Wortley Montagu

   If every day a man takes orders in silence from an incompetent superior, if every day he solemnly performs ritual acts which he privately finds ridiculous, if he unhesitatingly gives answers to questionnaires which are contrary to his real opinions and is prepared to deny his own self in public, if he sees no difficulty in feigning sympathy or even affection where, in fact, he feels only indifference or aversion, it still does not mean that he has entirely lost the use of one of the basic human senses, namely, the sense of humiliation
 ~tombstone by Vaclav Havel


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