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funny t-shirt saying generated randomly from our collections

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   I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.
 ~quotes about Golf by Ben Crenshaw

   Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Bennett Cerf

   A good example has twice the value of good advice.
 ~saying on Helping by Author Unknown

   To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by J.B. Priestley, The Good Companions, 1928

   True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.
 ~tshirt by Arthur Ashe

   The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven't got the joke yet.
 ~sayings about tshirt by Oliver Herford

   With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
 ~quotes about Perspective by Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, Notebook L, Aphorisms

   If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Stanislaw J. Lec

   Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue.
 ~saying on Emotions by Andre Gide

   Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Mark Twain

   To speak truly, few adult persons can see nature. Most persons do not see the sun. At least they have a very superficial seeing. The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and heart of the child. The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood.
 ~tshirt by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   A man with God is always in the majority.
 ~sayings about tshirt by John Knox

   There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.
 ~quotes about Women by Stephen Stills

   Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Author Unknown

   The Anglo-Saxon conscience doesn't keep you from doing what you shouldn't; it just keeps you from enjoying it.
 ~saying on Vices by Salvador de Madariaga

   If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Author Unknown

   I always find that statistics are hard to swallow and impossible to digest. The only one I can ever remember is that if all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end they would be a lot more comfortable.
 ~tshirt by Mrs. Robert A. Taft

   In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there.
 ~sayings about tshirt by Author Unknown

   Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes
 ~quotes about Goodbye by Henry David Thoreau

   Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Berke Breathed, Bloom County Babylon

   The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.
 ~saying on Age by Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

   I'd rather be caught holding up a bank than stealing so much as a two-word phrase from another writer.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Jack Smith

   True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lightsIf you hear bells, get your ears checked
 ~tshirt by Erich Segal

   If you mess up, 'fess up.
 ~sayings about tshirt by Author Unknown

   The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other
 ~quotes about Christmas by Burton Hillis

   I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Ellen DeGeneres

   Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
 ~saying on Genius by E.B. White

   I imagine that yes is the only living thing.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by e.e. cummings

   Art is your personal diary where you may color your thoughts and emotions on a page.
 ~tshirt by Sara, Los Cerros Middle School, 1999

   New! Improved! Instant asshole... just add alcohol!
 ~sayings about tshirt by Author Unknown

   I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself.
 ~quotes about Men by Yoko Ono

   Welcome to Arizona, where summer spends the winter - and hell spends the summer.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Popular saying, modified from a booster slogan in the 1930s

   Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quie
 ~saying on Christmas by Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

   At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac

   Because a fellow has failed once or twice or a dozen times, you don't want to set him down as a failure till he's dead or loses his courage.
 ~tshirt by George Horace Lorimer

   Freedom of the press in Britain is freedom to print such of the proprietor's prejudices as the advertiser's won't object to.
 ~sayings about tshirt by Helen Swaffer

   Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat
 ~quotes about Valentine's Day by Ben Hecht

   The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Lesley P. Hartley, The Go-Between, 1953

   He had the uneasy manner of a man who is not among his own kind, and who has not seen enough of the world to feel that all people are in some sense his own kind.
 ~saying on Curmudgeons by Willa Cather

   Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Henry David Thoreau

   I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
 ~tshirt by Gerald Ford

   Dress it as we may, feather it, daub it with gold, huzza it, and sing swaggering songs about it, what is war, nine times out of ten, but murder in uniform?
 ~sayings about tshirt by Douglas Jerrold

   I believe that one of the great problems for us as individuals is the depression and the tension resulting from existence in a world which is increasingly less pleasing to the eye.
 ~quotes about Society by Lady Bird Johnson

   If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time, you're the grandma.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Teresa Bloomingdale

   Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.
 ~saying on Caffeine by Jonathan Swift

   Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Susan Longacre

   When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
 ~tshirt by Sacha Guitry, Elles et toi, 1948

   Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.
 ~sayings about tshirt by Norman Vincent Peale

   If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven't done much today.
 ~quotes about Living by Author Unknown

   Untold suffering seldom is.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Franklin P. Jones

   One does not have to sleep with, or even touch, someone who has paid for your meal. All those obligations are hereby rendered null and void, and any man who doesn't think so needs a quick jab in the kidney.
 ~saying on Feminism by Cynthia Heimel, Sex Tips for Girls, 1983

   Love makes time pass; time makes love pass.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by French Proverb

   Curiosity is a willing, a proud, an eager confession of ignorance.
 ~tshirt by S. Leonard Rubinstein, Writing: A Habit of Mind

   Those whose conduct gives room for talk are always the first to attack their neighbors.
 ~sayings about tshirt by Jean Baptiste Molière, Tartuffe

   Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
 ~quotes about Sleep by Author Unknown

   Winners never quit and quitters never win
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Unkown

   Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you
 ~saying on Election Day by Author Unknown

   History supplies little beyond a list of those who have accommodated themselves with the property of others.
 ~funny t-shirt saying by Voltaire, Philosophical Dictionary

   We need not destroy the past. It is gone.
 ~tshirt by John Cage


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