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funny sports quote generated randomly from our collections

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   Wives of ballplayers, when they teach their children their prayers, should instruct them how to say: God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth has upped Daddy's paycheck by fifteen to forty percent.
 ~quotes about Baseball by Waite Hoyt

   When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life
 ~funny sports quote by Greg Anderson

   If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
 ~saying on Math by Author Unknown

   God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you?
 ~funny sports quote by William A. Ward

   There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew.
 ~sports by Marshall McLuhan, 1964

   Nurses are angels in comfortable shoes.
 ~sayings about sports by Author Unknown

   Where does the white go when the snow melts?
 ~quotes about Weather by Author Unknown

   As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
 ~funny sports quote by Erma Bombeck

   There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
 ~saying on Marriage by Adela Rogers St. Johns

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.
 ~funny sports quote by Irish Proverb

   Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!
 ~sports by Author Unknown

   I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.
 ~sayings about sports by Jane Wagner

   Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence.
 ~quotes about Speaking by Spanish Proverb

   A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.
 ~funny sports quote by Paul Dudley White

   Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.
 ~saying on Dreams by X-Files

   Once you have heard the lark, known the swish of feet through hill-top grass and smelt the earth made ready for the seed, you are never again going to be fully happy about the cities and towns that man carries like a crippling weight upon his back.
 ~funny sports quote by Gwyn Thomas

   We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
 ~sports by Joseph Heller

   It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are
 ~sayings about sports by e.e. cummings

   A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.
 ~quotes about Sisters by Isadora James

   It always strikes me, and it is very peculiar, that when we see the image of indescribable and unutterable desolation - of loneliness, of poverty and misery, the end of all things, or their extreme - then rises in our mind the thought of God.
 ~funny sports quote by Vincent van Gogh, Dear Theo: An Autobiography of Vincent van Gogh, 1937

   [Thinking is] what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
 ~saying on Thinking by William James

   The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder.
 ~funny sports quote by Ralph W. Sockman

   Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
 ~sports by Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927

   Caring is a reflex. Someone slips, your arm goes out. A car is in the ditch, you join the others and push...You live, you help.
 ~sayings about sports by Ram Dass

   If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere
 ~quotes about Celebrity by Tim McGraw

   Trying to maintain order during a legalized gang brawl involving 80 toughs with a little whistle, a hanky and a ton of prayer.
 ~funny sports quote by Anonymousreferee, explaining his job

   Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.
 ~saying on Women by Ovid

   I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
 ~funny sports quote by Henny Youngman

   Men are only as loyal as their options.
 ~sports by Bill Maher

   Hope deceives more men than cunning does.
 ~sayings about sports by Vauvenargues, Reflections and Maxims, 1746

   Television: A medium - so called because it is neither rare nor well done.
 ~quotes about Television by Ernie Kovacs

   A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
 ~funny sports quote by Helen Rowland

   The best portraits are perhaps those in which there is a slight mixture of caricature; and we are not certain that the best histories are not those in which a little of the exaggeration of fictitious narrative is judiciously employed. Something is lost in accuracy; but much is gained in effect. The fainter lines are neglected; but the great characteristic features are imprinted on the mind forever.
 ~saying on History by Thomas Babington Macaulay, Machiavelli

   Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers.
 ~funny sports quote by Mary Tyler Moore

   Deliberation is a function of the many; action is the function of one.
 ~sports by Charles de Gaulle, War Memoirs, 1960

   I never criticize a player until they are first convinced of my unconditional confidence in their abilities
 ~sayings about sports by John Robinson

   Tragedy is restful: and the reason is that hope, that foul, deceitful thing, has no part in it.
 ~quotes about Adversity by Jean Anouilh, Antigone, 1942

   I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.
 ~funny sports quote by Harry Toscano

   The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude.
 ~saying on Solitude by Voltaire

   Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours.
 ~funny sports quote by Richard Bach, Illusions

   Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessaryIt fulfils the same function as pain in the human bodyIt calls attention to an unhealthy state of things
 ~sports by Winston Churchill

   For what is history, but... huge libel on human nature, to which we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were holding up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy of our species.
 ~sayings about sports by Washington Irving, History of New York

   A laugh is a smile that bursts.
 ~quotes about Smiles by Mary H. Waldrip

   It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you
 ~funny sports quote by Dick Cheney

   Every man over forty is responsible for his face.
 ~saying on Integrity by Abraham Lincoln

   Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
 ~funny sports quote by William Arthur Ward

   A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked
 ~sports by Author Unknown

   Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
 ~sayings about sports by Lee Trevino

   You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.
 ~quotes about Passion by Garrison Keillor

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.
 ~funny sports quote by Author Unknown

   We are irritated by rascals, intolerant of fools, and prepared to love the rest. But where are they?
 ~saying on Hypocrisy by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
 ~funny sports quote by Socrates

   We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
 ~sports by Dick Gregory

   When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different was wrong.
 ~sayings about sports by Ani Difranco

   Men who don't like girls with brains don't like girls.
 ~quotes about Women by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
 ~funny sports quote by John Locke

   Sons are for fathers the twice-told tale.
 ~saying on Fathers by Victoria Secunda, Women and Their Fathers, 1992

   Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
 ~funny sports quote by Attributed to both Marion Smith and Nicole Hollander

   Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny.
 ~sports by Edmund Burke


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