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funny seinfeld quote generated randomly from our collections

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   Moral: a peerless maxim enumerated by God in his Holy Bible, such as that of Deut. 23:1, if your testicles are crushed or your male member missing, you must never enter a sanctuary of the Lord.
 ~quotes about Religion by Donald Morgan

   A little girl, asked where her home was, replied, where mother is.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Keith L. Brooks

   The scholar only knows how dear these silent, yet eloquent, companions of pure thoughts and innocent hours become in the season of adversity. When all that is worldly turns to dross around us, these only retain their steady value.
 ~saying on Books Reading by Washington Irving

   The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Isak Dinesen

   There will be days when the fishing is better than one's most optimistic forecast, others when it is far worse. Either is a gain over just staying home.
 ~seinfeld by Roderick Haig-Brown, Fisherman's Spring, 1951

   Never accept the proposition that just because a solution satisfies a problem, that it must be the only solution.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Raymond E. Feist

   Courage is a kind of salvation.
 ~quotes about Courage by Plato

   On the bathing-tub of King T'ang the following words were engraved: If you would one day renovate yourself, do so from day to day. Yea, let there be daily renovation.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Confucian Analects

   The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than hutsNo Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving
 ~saying on Thanksgiving Day by H.U. Westermayer

   Most people die at the last minute; others twenty years beforehand, some even earlier. They are the wretched of the earth.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Louis Céline, Voyage au bout du monde, 1932

   Each day, the American housewife turns toward television as toward a lover. She feels guilty about it, and well she might, for he's covered with warts and is only after her money.
 ~seinfeld by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Thomas Fuller

   You and I are not what we eat; we are what we think.
 ~quotes about Thinking by Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

   Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Blaise Pascal, quoted by Tolstoy in Bethink Yourselves

   The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.
 ~saying on Being Yourself by James Matthew Barrie

   I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Joseph Baretti, quoted by James Boswell, 1766, popularly misattributed to Samuel Johnson

   For westerners, the tattoo has always been a metaphor of difference.
 ~seinfeld by Margo DeMello, Bodies of Inscription: A Cultural History of the Modern Tattoo Community, 2000

   Never be grandiloquent when you want to drive home a searching truth. Don't whip with a switch that has the leaves on, if you want it to tingle.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Henry Ward Beecher

   I appreciate the misunderstanding I have had with Nature over my perennial border. I think it is a flower garden; she thinks it is a meadow lacking grass, and tries to correct the error.
 ~quotes about Gardens by Sara Stein, My Weeds, 1988

   The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Albert Einstein

   There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved.
 ~saying on Homosexuality by Boy George

   They say a reasonable amount 'o fleas is good fer a dog - keeps him from broodin' over bein' a dog, mebbe
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Edward Westcott

   Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there.
 ~seinfeld by Author Unknown

   If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Benjamin Franklin

   Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things
 ~quotes about Motivation by Frank A. Clark

   Who kept the faith and fought the fight;The glory theirs, the duty ours.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Wallace Bruce

   I may be a pessimist, but the philosophy of anti-thrift just now coming into being seems to me the greatest danger to the peace of the world.
 ~saying on Consumerism by Adriano Tilgher

   It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Woody Allen

   The value of compassion cannot be overemphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be born by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.
 ~seinfeld by Arthur H. Stainback

   Pictures must not be too picturesque.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   The sea pronounces something, over and over, in a hoarse whisper; I cannot quite make it out.
 ~quotes about Water by Annie Dillard

   The marriage state, with or without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Richard Steele, The Spectator

   Reading about baseball is a lot more interesting than reading about chess, but you have to wonder: Don't any of these guys ever go fishing?
 ~saying on Baseball by Dave Shiflett, quoted in Houston Chronicle, 29 April 1990

   What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Sigmund Freud

   The average teenager still has all the faults his parents outgrew.
 ~seinfeld by Author Unknown

   We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Kavanagh, 1849

   How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.
 ~quotes about Stress by Spanish Proverb

   Don't just do something - sit there!
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Author Unknown

   I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars.
 ~saying on Nature by Walt Whitman

   Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by G. Norman Collie

   There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
 ~seinfeld by Dave Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

   Those who believe money can do everything are frequently prepared to do everything for money.
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Author Unknown

   We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.
 ~quotes about Self Improvement by Buddha

   Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Jacques Prévert

   If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.
 ~saying on Sisters by Linda Sunshine

   Forbidden things have a secret charm.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Publius Cornelius Tacitus

   Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric.
 ~seinfeld by Pam Brown

   The true form is magnificently illuminated with gleaming fire. The teaching's voice is total silence amid the ringing of wind chimes. The moon hangs in the old pine tree, cold in the falling night. The chilled crane in its nest in the clouds has not yet been aroused from its dreams
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Hongzhi Zhengjue

   You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet.
 ~quotes about Trees by Hal Borland, Sundial of the Seasons, 1964

   You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Paul Sweeney

   Few of the many wise apothegms which have been uttered have prevented a single foolish action.
 ~saying on Quotations by Thomas Babington Macaulay

   For those passionately in love, the whole world seems to smile
 ~funny seinfeld quote by David Myers

   When any fit of gloominess, or perversion of mind, lays hold upon you, make it a rule not to publish it by complaints.
 ~seinfeld by Samuel Johnson

   If... the machine of government... is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law
 ~sayings about seinfeld by Henry David Thoreau, On the Duty of Civil Disobediance, 1849

   Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.
 ~quotes about Time by William Faulkner

   By night, an atheist half believes in God.
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Edward Young, Night Thoughts

   The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age
 ~saying on Birthdays by Lucille Ball

   He seemed to have an obligation to hit
 ~funny seinfeld quote by Lou Brock

   Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
 ~seinfeld by Oscar Ameringer


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