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funny sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   I'm fanatical about sport: there seems to me something almost religious about the fact that human beings can organise play, the spirit of play.
 ~quotes about Sports by Simon Gray, 1995

   There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.
 ~funny sayings by George Bernard Shaw

   Take care of the earth and she will take care of you.
 ~saying on Environment by Author Unknown

   Are we not like two volumes of one book?
 ~funny sayings by Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

   It is a wise father that knows his own child
 ~funny by William Shakespeare

   Never write a letter while you are angry.
 ~sayings about funny by Chinese Proverb

   In composing, as a general rule, run your pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigor it will give your style.
 ~quotes about Brevity by Sydney Smith

   Lighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.
 ~funny sayings by Hermione Gingold

   A gifted small girl has explained that pins are a great means of saving life, by not swallowing them.
 ~saying on Perspective by Charles Edward Montague, Dramatic Values

   My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin.
 ~funny sayings by Karl Kraus

   Those who make the worst use of their time most complain of its brevity.
 ~funny by Jean de La Bruyere

   On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
 ~sayings about funny by Woody Allen

   People see God every day, they just don't recognize him.
 ~quotes about God by Pearl Bailey

   One joy scatters a hundred griefs.
 ~funny sayings by Chinese Proverb

   There is no personal charm so great as the charm of a cheerful temperament.
 ~saying on Charm by Henry Van Dyke

   What is both surprising and delightful is that spectators are allowed, and even expected, to join in the vocal part of the game.... There is no reason why the field should not try to put the batsman off his stroke at the critical moment by neatly timed disparagements of his wife's fidelity and his mother's respectability.
 ~funny sayings by George Bernard Shaw

   A hunter of shadows, himself a shade.
 ~funny by Homer

   If you sincerely desire a truly well-rounded education, you must study the extremists, the obscure and nutty. You need the balance! Your poor brain is already being impregnated with middle-of-the-road crap, twenty-four hours a day, no matter what. Network TV, newspapers, radio, magazines at the supermarket... even if you never watch, read, listen, or leave your house, even if you are deaf and blind, the telepathic pressure alone of the uncountable normals surrounding you will insure that you are automatically well-grounded in consensus reality.
 ~sayings about funny by Rev. Ivan Stang, High Weirdness By Mail

   I doubt if anything learnt at school is of more value than great literature learnt by heart.
 ~quotes about Literature by Richard Livingstone

   Music, once admitted to the soul, becomes a sort of spirit, and never dies.
 ~funny sayings by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

   No one is a firmer believer in the power of prayer than the devil; not that he practices it, but he suffers from it.
 ~saying on Prayer by Guy H. King

   Only on paper has humanity yet achieved glory, beauty, truth, knowledge, virtue, and abiding love.
 ~funny sayings by George Bernard Shaw

   Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow.
 ~funny by Henry David Thoreau

   Who well lives, long lives; for this age of ours should not be numbered by years, days, and hours.
 ~sayings about funny by Guillaume de Salluste Du Bartas, Divine Weeks and Works, 1578

   When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
 ~quotes about Tennis by Hugo L. Black

   War is not an adventure. It is a disease. It is like typhus.
 ~funny sayings by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

   Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss your teeth so you'll have healthy gums in your old age, and then you get in your car and drive down I-10 and die. Life is so stupid I can't stand it.
 ~saying on Life by Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

   Short as life is, we make it shorter by wasting time.
 ~funny sayings by

   If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.
 ~funny by Dave Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

   God is the perfect poet.
 ~sayings about funny by Robert Browning

   If fame were based on kindness instead of popularity, on understanding and not on worldwide attention, you would be the biggest celebrity on earth. And to my heart, you already are.
 ~quotes about Relationships by Anonymous

   Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
 ~funny sayings by Author Unknown

   If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
 ~saying on Attitude by Vince Lombardi

   Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.
 ~funny sayings by Christopher Morley

   He that has energy enough to root out a vice should go further, and try to plant a virtue in its place.
 ~funny by Charles Caleb Colton

   Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends
 ~sayings about funny by Laurie Kuslansky

   Time is the fire in which we burn.
 ~quotes about Time by Delmore Schwartz, Calmly We Walk Through This April's Day, 1937 (Thank you, George.)

   Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
 ~funny sayings by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Just as pieces stitched together in a quilt warm our bodies, scrapbooks bind together memories to warm our hearts.
 ~saying on Scrapbooking by Author Unknown

   Dictionaries are like watches; the worst is better than none, and the best cannot be expected to go quite true.
 ~funny sayings by Samuel Johnson

   If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
 ~funny by Mark Twain

   No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
 ~sayings about funny by Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50

   No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.
 ~quotes about Self-Discovery by George Bernard Shaw

   It is proof of high culture to say the greatest matters in the simplest way.
 ~funny sayings by Emerson

   Things are not as bad as they seem. They are worse.
 ~saying on Curmudgeons by Bill Press

   The Bible is literature, not dogma.
 ~funny sayings by George Santayana

   Personally, I would not give a fig for any man's religion whose horse, cat and dog do not feel its benefits. Life in any form is our perpetual responsibility.
 ~funny by S. Parkes Cadman

   I'm struck by the insidious, computer-driven tendency to take things out of the domain of muscular activity and put them into the domain of mental activity. The transfer is not paying off. Sure, muscles are unreliable, but they represent several million years of accumulated finesse.
 ~sayings about funny by Brian Eno, Wired, January 1999

   [L]aughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
 ~quotes about Laughter by Hugh Sidey

   A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others.
 ~funny sayings by Author Unknown

   Bread of flour is good; but there is bread, sweet as honey, if we would eat it, in a good book.
 ~saying on Books Reading by John Ruskin

   For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday
 ~funny sayings by John Glenn

   Everyone who has run knows that its most important value is in removing tension and allowing a release from whatever other cares the day may bring.
 ~funny by Jimmy Carter

   A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral
 ~sayings about funny by Antoine De Saint

   [A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
 ~quotes about Math by Evan Esar, Esar's Comic Dictionary

   If you're yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning.
 ~funny sayings by Griff Niblack

   If you don't have this freedom of the press, then all these little fellows are weaseling around and doing their monkey business and they never get caught.
 ~saying on Censorship by Harold R. Medina

   Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
 ~funny sayings by Mary Ellen Kelly

   The winds that blow through the wide sky in these mounts, the winds that sweep from Canada to Mexico, from the Pacific to the Atlantic - have always blown on free men
 ~funny by Franklin D. Roosevelt


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