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funny saying quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.
 ~quotes about Children by Franklin P. Jones

   The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
 ~funny saying quotes by Anatole France

   Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way.
 ~saying on Intuition by Florence Scovel Shinn

   Prayers not felt by us are seldom heard by God.
 ~funny saying quotes by Philip Henry

   I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.
 ~funny by Dave Barry

   Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.
 ~sayings about funny by Robert Fulghum

   Find a job for your hands and your nerves will find a job for themselves.
 ~quotes about Career by

   The spend thrift is happy a few hours; the saver, all his life.
 ~funny saying quotes by

   Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.
 ~saying on God by Victor Hugo

   The true poet is all the time a visionary and whether with friends or not, as much alone as a man on his death bed.
 ~funny saying quotes by W.B. Yeats

   Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.... [A]ccept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields....
 ~funny by Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

   This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
 ~sayings about funny by George Bernard Shaw

   There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
 ~quotes about Safety by James Thurber

   Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs.
 ~funny saying quotes by John Osborne, Time, 31 October 1977

   Political campaigns are designedly made into emotional orgies which endeavor to distract attention from the real issues involved, and they actually paralyze what slight powers of cerebration man can normally muster.
 ~saying on Politics by James Harvey Robinson, The Human Comedy, 1937

   Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.
 ~funny saying quotes by John W. Whitehead, The Stealing of America, 1983

   In a manner which matches the fortuity, if not the consequence, of Archimedes' bath and Newton's apple, the [3.6 million year old] fossil footprints were eventually noticed one evening in September 1976 by the paleontologist Andrew Hill, who fell while avoiding a ball of elephant dung hurled at him by the ecologist David Western.
 ~funny by John Reader, Missing Links: The Hunt for Earliest Man

   Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose
 ~sayings about funny by The Wonder Years

   An optimist is the human personification of spring.
 ~quotes about Optimism Pessimism by Susan J. Bissonette

   Anyone can carry his burden for one day. Anyone can be pleasant, courteous, and friendly for one day. And that continued is all there is to life.
 ~funny saying quotes by

   No road is long with good company.
 ~saying on Relationships by Turkish Proverb

   I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
 ~funny saying quotes by Danny McGoorty

   This is life and this is joy: an hour of embracing and then to die
 ~funny by Ralph Parlette

   The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice that which we are for what we could become.
 ~sayings about funny by Charles DuBois

   You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.
 ~quotes about Mistakes by Colette

   Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction
 ~funny saying quotes by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

   You can live for years next door to a big pine tree, honored to have so venerable a neighbor, even when it sheds needles all over your flowers or wakes you, dropping big cones onto your deck at still of night.
 ~saying on Trees by Denise Levertov

   Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
 ~funny saying quotes by Robert Orben

   Fear not that life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.
 ~funny by John Henry Cardinal Newman

   I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.
 ~sayings about funny by Author Unknown

   He who has health has hope: he who has hope, has everything
 ~quotes about Proverbs by Proverb

   Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
 ~funny saying quotes by Buddha

   The future has a way of arriving unannounced.
 ~saying on Carpe Diem by George F. Will

   Why is it considered seductive for women to wear beautiful clothes? Wouldn't it make more sense to wear something so ugly that a guy couldn't wait to take it off you?
 ~funny saying quotes by Flash Rosenberg

   Good shot, bad luck, and hell are the five basic words to be used in a game of tennis, though these, of course, can be slightly amplified.
 ~funny by Virginia Graham, Say Please, 1949

   Education is difficult and expensive. Whatever it costs, it’s cheaper than ignorance.
 ~sayings about funny by

   If every fool wore a crown, we should all be kings.
 ~quotes about Humility by Welsh Proverb

   Don't wait. The time will never be just right.
 ~funny saying quotes by Napoleon Hill

   Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man.
 ~saying on Procrastination by Jimmy Lyons

   History is the record of what one age finds worthy of note in another.
 ~funny saying quotes by Jacob Burckhardt

   I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles.
 ~funny by Sam Snead, about golf

   Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.
 ~sayings about funny by Juvenal, Satires

   By a divine paradox, wherever there is one slave there are two. So in the wonderful reciprocities of being, we can never reach the higher levels until all our fellows ascend with us.
 ~quotes about Human Rights by Edwin Markham

   If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation?
 ~funny saying quotes by Author Unknown

   As advertising blather becomes the nation's normal idiom, language becomes printed noise.
 ~saying on Advertising by George Will, quoted in Stephen Donadio, The New York Public Library: Book of Twentieth-Century Ameri

   I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right
 ~funny saying quotes by Lee Hendrie

   Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
 ~funny by Albert Einstein

   The most important political office is that of the private citizen
 ~sayings about funny by Louis Brandeis

   The last Christian died on the cross.
 ~quotes about Religion by Friedrich Nietzsche

   Baseball is not necessarily an obsessive-compulsive disorder, like washing your hands 100 times a day, but it's beginning to seem that way. We're reaching the point where you can be a truly dedicated, state-of-the-art fan or you can have a life. Take your pick.
 ~funny saying quotes by Thomas Boswell, Washington Post, 13 April 1990

   It's amazing, astounding, awe-inspiring, breathtaking, extraordinary, hair-raising, heart-stirring, magnificent, marvelous, miraculous, moving, overwhelming spectacular, spine-tingling, striking, stunning, stupefying, stupendous, wonderful..............
 ~saying on Sports by Yousef

   The system of nature, of which man is a part, tends to be self-balancing, self-adjusting, self-cleansing. Not so with technology.
 ~funny saying quotes by E.F. Schumacher, Small is Beautiful, 1973

   Fear is a cloak which old men huddle about their love, as if to keep it warm.
 ~funny by William Wordsworth

   A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
 ~sayings about funny by Dwight D. Eisenhower, first inaugural address, 20 January 1953

   What a person believes is not as important as how a person believes.
 ~quotes about Helping by Timothy Virkkala

   A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic
 ~funny saying quotes by Joseph Stalin

   The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years.
 ~saying on Mornings by Thomas Jefferson

   Fear not death, for the sooner we die the longer we shall be immortal
 ~funny saying quotes by Benjamin Franklin

   Sleep - those little slices of death, how I loathe them.
 ~funny by Edgar Allen Poe (Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death.


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