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funny running quote generated randomly from our collections

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   Inspiration: a peculiar effect of divine flatulence emitted by the Holy Spirit which hisses into the ears of a few chosen of God.
 ~quotes about Religion by Voltaire

   If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from?
 ~funny running quote by Author Unknown

   Suppose, however, that God did give this law to the Jews, and did tell them that whenever a man preached a heresy, or proposed to worship any other God that they should kill him; and suppose that afterward this same God took upon himself flesh, and came to this very chosen people and taught a different religion, and that thereupon the Jews crucified him; I ask you, did he not reap exactly what he had sown? What right would this god have to complain of a crucifixion suffered in accordance with his own command?
 ~saying on Religion by Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 2

   Never measure your progress by your income, but by your bank account. Remember the man in the mirror at 70 or 80.
 ~funny running quote by

   Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner.
 ~running by Author Unknown

   Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as not to injure future ones
 ~sayings about running by Seneca

   Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have.
 ~quotes about Success by Zig Ziglar

   If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
 ~funny running quote by Aristotle Onassis

   There are those who are so scrupulously afraid of doing wrong that they seldom venture to do anything.
 ~saying on Risk by Vauvenargues

   Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
 ~funny running quote by William A. Ward

   Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that humor excites in those who lack it.
 ~running by George Saintsbury

   There are twelve hours in the day, and above fifty in the night.
 ~sayings about running by Marie de Rabutin-Chantal

   The great thought, the great concern, the great anxiety of men is to restrict, as much as possible, the limits of their own responsibility.
 ~quotes about Responsibility by Giosué Borsi

   By all means use sometimes to be alone. Salute thyself; see what thy soul doth wear.
 ~funny running quote by George Herbert

   Blessed is he who has found his right work; let him ask no further blessings.
 ~saying on Career by

   While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate
 ~funny running quote by Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

   Perfumes are the feelings of flowers.
 ~running by Heinrich Heine, The Hartz Journey

   The surest way to be alone is to get married.
 ~sayings about running by Gloria Steinem

   Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead, learn the trade
 ~quotes about Graduation by Attributed to both James Charlton and H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

   I'm not a cheerleader. I'm an athletic supporter.
 ~funny running quote by Author Unknown

   I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.
 ~saying on Curmudgeons by W. Somerset Maugham

   Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
 ~funny running quote by Author Unknown

   Life shouldn't be printed on dollar bills.
 ~running by Clifford Odets

   Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, being you just the answers you need just the minute you need them.
 ~sayings about running by Richard Bach

   The friendship that can cease has never been real
 ~quotes about Friends by Saint Jerome

   When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.
 ~funny running quote by Author unknown, from a television commercial

   The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off
 ~saying on Retirement by Abe Lemons

   Science does not know its debt to imagination.
 ~funny running quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.
 ~running by Robert Byrne

   The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
 ~sayings about running by Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

   I am grateful for the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and floors that need waxing because it means I have a home
 ~quotes about Housewarming by Author Unknown

   You are not obliged to put on evening clothes to meet God.
 ~funny running quote by Austin O'Malley

   A committee is an animal with four back legs.
 ~saying on Meetings by John le Carré, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

   Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born
 ~funny running quote by Dale E. Turner

   If my resolution to be a great man was half so strong as it is to despise the shame of being a little one...
 ~running by William Cowper

   Minor vices lead to major ones, but minor virtues stay put.
 ~sayings about running by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   It's so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you.
 ~quotes about Love by Author Unknown

   If a healthy minded person takes an interest in science, he gets busy with his mathematics and haunts the laboratory.
 ~funny running quote by W.S. Franklin

   When you no longer know what headache, heartache, or stomachache means without cistern punctures, electrocardiograms and six x-ray plates, you are slipping.
 ~saying on Medical by Martin H. Fischer

   Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.
 ~funny running quote by Ruth E. Renkel

   To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a great ease to a man's heart.
 ~running by Francesco Guicciardini

   If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
 ~sayings about running by Julia Sorel (Rosalyn Drexler), See How She Runs, 1978

   The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones.
 ~quotes about Mothers by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   It is in moments of illness that we are compelled to recognize that we live not alone but chained to a creature of a different kingdom, whole worlds apart, who has no knowledge of us and by whom it is impossible to make ourselves understood: our body.
 ~funny running quote by Marcel Proust

   Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend.
 ~saying on Friendship by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Journals, 1843

   Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
 ~funny running quote by Polish Proverb

   A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
 ~running by Howard Scott

   In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be enrolled. This was the first enrollment, when Quirini-us was governor of Syria. And all went to be enrolled, each to his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. And while they were there, the time came for her to be delivered. And she gave birth to her first-born son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn
 ~sayings about running by Luke John

   It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.
 ~quotes about Quotations by Franklin P. Jones

   All of us encounter, at least once in our life, some individual who utters words that make us think forever. There are men whose phrases are oracles; who can condense in one sentence the secrets of life; who blurt out an aphorism that forms a character, or illustrates an existence.
 ~funny running quote by Benjamin Disraeli

   A happy childhood can't be cured. Mine'll hang around my neck like a rainbow, that's all, instead of a noose.
 ~saying on Memory by Hortense Calisher, Queenie, 1971

   Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
 ~funny running quote by Woody Allen

   Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.
 ~running by Christopher Morley

   Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost
 ~sayings about running by Kaleel Jamison

   Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.
 ~quotes about Fear by Shirley Maclaine

   Hugs are the universal medicine.
 ~funny running quote by Author Unknown

   If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor.
 ~saying on Exercise by Christiaan Barnard

   

No matter what you do, no matter how stupid, dumb or damaging you judge it to be, there is a lesson to be learned from it. No matter what happens to you, no matter how unfair, inequitable or wrong, there’s something you can take from the situation and use for your advancement.
 ~funny running quote by Peter McWilliams

   It's hard to feel middle-aged, because how can you tell how long you are going to live?
 ~running by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


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