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funny retirement quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
 ~quotes about Parenting by Robert Fulghum

   Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were
 ~funny retirement quotes by Author Unknown

   Our historic imagination is at best slightly developed. We generalise and idealise the past egregiously. We set up little toys to stand as symbols for centuries and the complicated lives of countless individuals.
 ~saying on History by John Dewey, Characters and Events

   Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
 ~funny retirement quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

   If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening.
 ~retirement by George Barzan

   If it were proved to me that in making war, my ideal had a chance of being realized, I would still say no to war. For one does not create a human society on mounds of corpses.
 ~sayings about retirement by Louis Lecoin

    Today, be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely
 ~quotes about Birthday Sayings by Unknown

   A liberal is a man or a woman or a child who looks forward to a better day, a more tranquil night, and a bright, infinite future.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Leonard Bernstein, The New York Times, 30 October 1988

   Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that.
 ~saying on Mothers by Golda Meir

   Envy assails the noblest: the winds howl around the highest peaks.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Ovid

   What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you
 ~retirement by Richard Wilbur

   Kindness is for all times in all situations -- not just when it suits you.
 ~sayings about retirement by Audray Landrum

   Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
 ~quotes about Baseball by Barry Switzer

   Life is simply a cricket match, with temptation as the bowler.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Author Unknown

   A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
 ~saying on Ignorance by Bob Edwards

   An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for the commonwealth.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Henry Wotton, Reliquiæ Wottonianæ

   The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next
 ~retirement by Mignon McLaughlin

   A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does, and about two years after he thinks he does.
 ~sayings about retirement by Lewis B. Hershey, News summaries, 31 December 1951

   There is a sort of man who pays no attention to his good actions, but is tormented by his bad ones. This is the type that most often writes about himself.
 ~quotes about Miscellaneous by W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938

   If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

   War! that mad game the world so loves to play.
 ~saying on War by Jonathan Swift

   It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
 ~funny retirement quotes by P.G. Wodehouse, The Man Upstairs

   Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren.
 ~retirement by Art Linkletter

   Many people believe that they are attracted by God, or by Nature, when they are only repelled by man.
 ~sayings about retirement by William Ralph Inge

   I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.
 ~quotes about Television by Groucho Marx

   A good friend is cheaper than therapy.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Author Unknown

   Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
 ~saying on Inner Child by Pablo Picasso

   Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Denis Diderot

   The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
 ~retirement by George Bernard Shaw

   It's designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything is new again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains comes, it stops, and leaves you to face the fall alone
 ~sayings about retirement by Bartlett Giamatti

   It is striking how history, when resting on the memory of men, always touches the bounds of mythology.
 ~quotes about History by Leopold von Ranke, History of the Popes

   The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Author Unknown

   Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
 ~saying on Helping by John Wooden

   Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Francis Bacon

   Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
 ~retirement by Author Unknown

   Never have children, only grandchildren.
 ~sayings about retirement by Gore Vidal

   By the time a son realizes his father usually right, he has a son who thinks his father is usually wrong.
 ~quotes about Family by

   Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Kin Hubbard

   Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.
 ~saying on Health by Charles Simmons

   The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Gabriel García Márquez

   The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
 ~retirement by e.e. cummings

   The era of true peace on earth will not come as long as a tremendous percentage of your taxes goes to educate men in the trades of slaughter.
 ~sayings about retirement by Reginald Wright Kauffman

   If you doubt yourself, then indeed you stand on shaky ground.
 ~quotes about Confidence by Henrik Ibsen

   America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Sigmund Freud

   There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
 ~saying on Politics by Will Rogers

   The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing
 ~funny retirement quotes by Phyllis Diller

   I never did, or countenanced, in public life, a single act inconsistent with the strictest good faith; having never believed there was one code of morality for a public, and another for a private man.
 ~retirement by Thomas Jefferson, 1809

   It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
 ~sayings about retirement by Quoted by Raymond A. Michel in The Leaf

   In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
 ~quotes about Debt by American Saying

   The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Theodor Reik, Of Love and Lust, 1957

   Love withers under constraints: its very essence is liberty: it is compatible neither with obedience, jealousy, nor fear: it is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited where its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve.
 ~saying on Love by Percy Bysshe Shelley, Queen Mab notes

   It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge
 ~funny retirement quotes by Phyllis Diller

   It is impossible to discourage the real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write.
 ~retirement by Sinclair Lewis

   How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
 ~sayings about retirement by Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

   I don't know much about history, and I wouldn't give a nickel for all the history in the world. History is more or less bunk. It is a tradition. We want to live in the present, and the only history that is worth a tinker's damn is the history we make today.
 ~quotes about History by Henry Ford

   Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Garrett Hardin

   Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down.
 ~saying on Wise Words by W. Migner

   To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.
 ~funny retirement quotes by Clara Ortega

   The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
 ~retirement by P.J. O'Rourke


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