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funny quotes generated randomly from our collections

good quote from song lyric,friendship love sayings,good break up quotes,tagalog friendship quotes,inspirational short messages,

   How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
 ~quotes about God by Woody Allen, Selections from the Allen Notebooks, Without Feathers, 1975

   Our country, right or wrongWhen right to be kept right; when wrong to be put right
 ~funny quotes by Carl Schurz

   One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless.
 ~saying on Age by Liz Smith

   If a horse can't eat it, I don't want to play on it.
 ~funny quotes by Dick Allen, on artificial turf, 1970

   Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
 ~funny by Doug Larson

   Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians.
 ~sayings about funny by Charles Krauthammer

   I get by with a little help from my friends
 ~quotes about Friends by John Lennon

   No one knows what they'll do in a moment of crisis and hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers.
 ~funny quotes by Joan Baez, What Would You Do If....?

   Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
 ~saying on Animals by George Eliot

   If you haven't had at least a slight poetic crack in the heart, you have been cheated by nature.
 ~funny quotes by Phyllis Battelle

   I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn.
 ~funny by C.E. Cowman

   I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
 ~sayings about funny by Woody Allen

   Most men, after a little freedom, have preferred authority with the consoling assurances and the economy of effort which it brings.
 ~quotes about Freedom by Walter Lippmann, A Preface to Morals, 1929

   There must be more to life than having everything!
 ~funny quotes by Maurice Sendak

   What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
 ~saying on Men by Author Unknown

   The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.
 ~funny quotes by Adlai Stevenson, speech, New York City, 28 August 1952

   The ideas I stand for are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus. And I put them in a book. If you don't like their rules, whose would you use?
 ~funny by Dale Carnegie

   He that shuts love out, in turn shall be Shut out from love, and on her threshold lie, Howling in outer darkness
 ~sayings about funny by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

   Patriotism is easy to understand in America - it means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country
 ~quotes about Patriotic by Calvin Coolidge

   A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.
 ~funny quotes by Napoleon

   A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy
 ~saying on I Love You by George Jean Nathan

   The Cross is a gibbet - rather an odd thing to make use of as a talisman against bad luck, if that is how we regard it. Or is it, instead, a cynical reminder that Virtue usually gets pilloried whenever it makes one of its occasional appearances in this world?
 ~funny quotes by Denis Johnston, The Brazen Horn

   If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
 ~funny by Abraham H. Maslow

   The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
 ~sayings about funny by Alvin Toffler

   Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.
 ~quotes about Prayer by Corrie ten Boom

   I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
 ~funny quotes by Stanley Baldwin

   It is the man of science, eager to have his every opinion regenerated, his every idea rationalized, by drinking at the fountain of fact, and devoting all the energies of his life to the cult of truth, not as he understands it, but as he does not yet understand it, that ought properly to be called a philosopher.
 ~saying on Science by Charles Peirce

   Life itself is the proper binge.
 ~funny quotes by Julia Child

   I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.
 ~funny by Ogden Nash

   What's the matter with you guys? The sight of blonde hair knocks you three rungs down on the evolutionary ladder.
 ~sayings about funny by From the television show Civil Wars

   My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!
 ~quotes about Independence Day by Thomas Jefferson

   Prosperity is living easily and happily in the real world, whether you have money or not
 ~funny quotes by Jerry Gellis

   The United States is the only country with a known birthday
 ~saying on Independence Day by James G. Blaine

   We have smothered ourselves, buried ourselves, in the vast heap of information which all of us have and none of us has.
 ~funny quotes by Gamaliel Bradford

   If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him.
 ~funny by Martin H. Fischer

   Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
 ~sayings about funny by Lily Tomlin

   God is real, unless declared integer.
 ~quotes about Math by Author Unknown

   Other countries have their history. Uruguay has its football.
 ~funny quotes by Ondino Viera

   Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
 ~saying on Guests by Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

   If I find a film dull, I find it infinitely more entertaining to watch the scratches.
 ~funny quotes by Norman McLaren

   I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a good hit, which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.
 ~funny by Dave Barry

   In union there is strength
 ~sayings about funny by Aesop

   It’s easy enough to be pleasant, when life flow a long like a song, but the man worthwhile is the man with a smile, when everything goes dead wrong.
 ~quotes about Self Confidence by

   My father considered a walk among the mountains as the equivalent of churchgoing.
 ~funny quotes by Aldous Huxley

   Art is spirituality in drag.
 ~saying on Art by Jennifer Yane

   I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
 ~funny quotes by J.D. Salinger

   I thank Thee first because I was never robbed before; second, because although they took my purse they did not take my life; third, because although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth because it was I who was robbed, and not I who robbed.
 ~funny by Matthew Henry

   Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
 ~sayings about funny by Author Unknown

   If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.
 ~quotes about Government by Kelvin Throop

   Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.
 ~funny quotes by Steve Rushin

   What happens to the wide-eyed observer when the window between reality and unreality breaks and the glass begins to fly?
 ~saying on Reality by Author Unknown

   Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.
 ~funny quotes by George Eliot

   You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
 ~funny by Jan Glidewell

   We all need someone or something to inspire us to bring out our best.
 ~sayings about funny by

   It is discouraging to try to penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it.
 ~quotes about Mind by Mark Twain

   Movement never lies. It is a barometer telling the state of the soul's weather.
 ~funny quotes by Martha Graham

   The closer one gets to the top, the more one finds there is no top.
 ~saying on Success by Nancy Barcus

   The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.
 ~funny quotes by George Bernard Shaw

   Thou shalt not kill does not apply to murder of one's own kind only, but to all living beings; and this Commandment was inscribed in the human breast long before it was proclaimed from Sinai.
 ~funny by Leo Tolstoy


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