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funny quotes of the day generated randomly from our collections

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   Most travel is best of all in the anticipation or the remembering; the reality has more to do with losing your luggage.
 ~quotes about Travel by Regina Nadelson

   Things are only impossible until they're not.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation

   Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have
 ~saying on Independence Day by Harry Emerson Fosdick

   To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Will Durant

   Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
 ~of the day by Chi Chi Rodriguez

   Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.
 ~sayings about of the day by Elsa Schiaparelli

   Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to weave.
 ~quotes about Humorous by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Many books require no thought from those who read them, and for a very simple reason. They made no such demand upon those who wrote them.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Charles Caleb Colton

   When a man wantonly destroys one of the works of man we call him a vandal. When he destroys one of the works of god we call him a sportsman.
 ~saying on Animal Rights by Joseph Wood Krutch

   It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Moliere

   Let's have some new cliches.
 ~of the day by Samuel Goldwyn

   Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.
 ~sayings about of the day by Anthony Brandt

   If we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall in to this vice. The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and generosity.
 ~quotes about Alcohol by Abraham Lincoln, address to the Washington Temperance Society, Springfield, Illinois, 22 February 18

   The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives
 ~funny quotes of the day by Robert Maynard Hutchins

   Not being able to govern events, I govern myself, and apply myself to them, if they will not apply themselves to me.
 ~saying on Self-Control by Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1588

   The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, It's a girl.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Shirley Chisholm

   The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.
 ~of the day by Winston Pendelton

   [P]erhaps nothing 'ud be a lesson to us if it didn't come too late. It's well we should feel as life's a reckoning we can't make twice over; there's no real making amends in this world, any more nor you can mend a wrong subtraction by doing your addition right.
 ~sayings about of the day by George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans), Adam Bede

   America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
 ~quotes about America by Hunter S. Thompson

   People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote - a very different thing.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Walter H. Judd

   The injury we do and the one we suffer are not weighed in the same scales.
 ~saying on Hypocrisy by Aesop, Fables

   Our age will be known as the age of committees.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Ernest Benn

   In an age like ours, which is not given to letter-writing, we forget what an important part it used to play in people's lives.
 ~of the day by Anatole Broyard

   I think you might dispense with half your doctors if you would only consult Dr. Sun more.
 ~sayings about of the day by Henry Ward Beecher

   No nice men are good at getting taxis.
 ~quotes about Men by Katherine Whitehorn, the Observer, 1977

   Some folks wear their halos much too tight.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Author Unknown

   God is the perfect poet.
 ~saying on Poetry by Robert Browning

   Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

   Panic at the thought of doing a thing is a challenge to do it.
 ~of the day by Henry S. Haskins

   There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.
 ~sayings about of the day by Clarence Darrow, 1936

   Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.
 ~quotes about Education by Roger Lewin

   I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Raymond Chandler

   I'd like mornings better if they started later.
 ~saying on Mornings by Author Unknown

   I demand of you, and of the whole world, that you show me a generic character... by which to distinguish between Man and Ape. I myself most assuredly know of none.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Carl Linnaeus, 1788

   It is the little writer rather than the great writer who seems never to quote, and the reason is that he is never really doing anything else.
 ~of the day by Havelock Ellis

   I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it
 ~sayings about of the day by Steven Wright

   I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world.
 ~quotes about Friendship by Thomas A. Edison

   A gentleman need not know Latin, but he should at least have forgotten it.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Brander Matthews

   Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.
 ~saying on Animal Rights by Albert Schweitzer

   A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Oliver W. Holmes, Sr.

   Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
 ~of the day by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

   Love is not singular except in syllable
 ~sayings about of the day by Marvin Taylor

   No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step.
 ~quotes about Homosexuality by Author Unknown

   Our country is not the only thing to which we owe our allegianceIt is also owed to justice and to humanityPatriotism consists not in waving the flag, but in striving that our country shall be righteous as well as strong
 ~funny quotes of the day by James Bryce

   The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income
 ~saying on Retirement by George Foreman

   I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot
 ~funny quotes of the day by Gary Hart

   I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.
 ~of the day by Author Unknown

   To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.
 ~sayings about of the day by E.W. Howe

   It will never be possible by pure reason to arrive at some absolute truth.
 ~quotes about Truth by Werner Heisenberg, Physics and Philosophy

   Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
 ~funny quotes of the day by Robert Byrne

   If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.
 ~saying on Censorship by John Stuart Mill, On Liberty, 1859

   The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles?
 ~funny quotes of the day by John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson, 20 June 1815

   The hypocrite's crime is that he bears false witness against himself. What makes it so plausible to assume that hypocrisy is the vice of vices is that integrity can indeed exist under the cover of all other vices except this one. Only crime and the criminal, it is true, confront us with the perplexity of radical evil; but only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
 ~of the day by Hannah Arendt, On Revolution, 1963

   If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG.
 ~sayings about of the day by Jack Nicholson

   Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.
 ~quotes about Simplicity by Edwin Way Teale

   When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
 ~funny quotes of the day by Author Unknown

   Mathematics may be defined as the economy of counting. There is no problem in the whole of mathematics which cannot be solved by direct counting.
 ~saying on Math by Ernst Mach

   This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
 ~funny quotes of the day by George Carlin, on Saturday Night Live

   A weed is but an unloved flower.
 ~of the day by Ella Wheeler Wilcox


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