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funny quotes by famous people generated randomly from our collections

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   The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
 ~quotes about Thanksgiving Day by Henry Ward Beecher

   We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Author Unknown

   Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home
 ~saying on Christmas by Carol Nelson

   Tattoo. What a loaded word it is, rife with associations to goons, goofs, bikers, tribal warriors, carnival artists, drunken sailors and floozies.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Jon Anderson, Epidermal Dalis, Chicago Tribune, 6 October 1994

   God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us.
 ~by people by Author Unknown

   Any party which takes credit for the rain must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the drought.
 ~sayings about by people by Dwight Morrow

   Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant
 ~quotes about Adversity by Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

   But I have long thought that if you knew a column of advertisements by heart, you could achieve unexpected felicities with them. You can get a happy quotation anywhere if you have the eye.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

   Quality begins on the inside... and then works its way out.
 ~saying on Self-Discovery by Bob Moawad

   The excesses of love soon pass, but its insufficiencies torment us forever.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
 ~by people by Mother Teresa

   For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
 ~sayings about by people by William Penn

   Democracy: The state of affairs in which you consent to having your pocket picked, and elect the best man to do it.
 ~quotes about Government by Benjamin Lichtenberg

   It's easy to make a buckIt's a lot tougher to make a difference
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Tom Brokaw

   A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
 ~saying on Books Reading by Chinese Proverb

   Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Cherokee Indian Proverb

   When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving
 ~by people by Steven Wright

   We sometimes feel that we have been really understood, but it was always long ago, by someone now dead.
 ~sayings about by people by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
 ~quotes about Laughter by Kurt Vonnegut

   Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Abraham Lincoln

   There is no gravity. The earth sucks.
 ~saying on Science by Graffito

   When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Author Unknown

   It's at night, when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm of our skull. I don't know if anyone has ever pointed out that great attraction of insomnia before, but it is so; the night seems to release a little more of our vast backward inheritance of instincts and feelings; as with the dawn, a little honey is allowed to ooze between the lips of the sandwich, a little of the stuff of dreams to drip into the waking mind. I wish I believed, as J. B. Priestley did, that consciousness continues after disembodiment or death, not forever, but for a long while. Three score years and ten is such a stingy ration of time, when there is so much time around. Perhaps that's why some of us are insomniacs; night is so precious that it would be pusillanimous to sleep all through it! A bad night is not always a bad thing.
 ~by people by Brian W. Aldiss

   Every other sin hath some pleasure annexed to it, or will admit of an excuse: envy alone wants both.
 ~sayings about by people by Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy

   I often want to cry. That is the only advantage women have over men - at least they can cry.
 ~quotes about Crying by Jean Rhys

   We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Lynn Hall

   Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses providing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man as twice its natural size.
 ~saying on Men by Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929

   This is my history; like all other histories, a narrative of misery.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Samuel Johnson

   Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.
 ~by people by Richard Kline

   If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place.
 ~sayings about by people by Lord Halifax

   Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
 ~quotes about Alcohol by Ambrose Bierce

   We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about and.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Arthur Stanley Eddington

   Before you can begin to think about politics at all, you have to abandon the notion that there is a war between good men and bad men.
 ~saying on Politics by Walter Lippmann

   The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

   Yes, one must suffer, even in vain, so as not to have lived in vain
 ~by people by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   So you are lean and mean and resourceful and you continue to walk on the edge of the precipice because over the years you have become fascinated by how close you can walk without losing your balance.
 ~sayings about by people by Attributed to Richard M. Nixon

   My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!
 ~quotes about Patriotic by Thomas Jefferson

   Here in America we are descended in spirit from revolutionists and rebels - men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Dwight D. Eisenhower, address, Columbia University, 31 May 1954

   Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.
 ~saying on God by Mary C. Crowley

   Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants, and to serve them one's self?
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent didn't have a leg to stand on.
 ~by people by Unknown

   Sleep is the interest we have to pay on the capital which is called in at death; and the higher the rate of interest and the more regularly it is paid, the further the date of redemption is postponed.
 ~sayings about by people by Arthur Schopenhauer

   There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.
 ~quotes about Leadership by Alexandre Ledru-Rollin

   Governments should not possess instruments of coercion and violence denied to their citizens.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Edgar A. Suter

   A sensible man will remember that the eyes may be confused in two ways - by a change from light to darkness or from darkness to light; and he will recognize that the same thing happens to the soul.
 ~saying on Soul by Plato

   Always be a poet, even in prose.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Charles Baudelaire, My Heart Laid Bare, Intimate Journals, 1864

   I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.
 ~by people by Gore Vidal

   We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable.
 ~sayings about by people by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

   True contentment depends not upon what we have; a tub was large enough for Diogenes, but a world was too little for Alexander.
 ~quotes about Attitude by Charles Caleb Colton

   He who experiences the unity of life sees his own Self in all beings, and all beings in his own Self, and looks on everything with an impartial eye.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Buddha

   Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over.
 ~saying on Smiles by Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

   I'm in favor of it as long as it's multiple choice.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Kurt Rambis, on drug testing

   A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools
 ~by people by Douglas Adams

   Happiness is a matter of one's most ordinary and everyday mode of consciousness being busy and lively and unconcerned with self.
 ~sayings about by people by Iris Murdoch

   How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!
 ~quotes about Health by Charles Lamb, Last Essays of Elia

   The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water.
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Sigmund Freud

   Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead center of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush to the net.
 ~saying on Age by Franklin Adams

   I do not believe in God, for that implies an effort of the will - I see God everywhere!
 ~funny quotes by famous people by Jean Favre

   The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones.
 ~by people by Somerset Maugham


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