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funny quote generated randomly from our collections

quotes on a good book,funny break up quotes,cute funny friendship quotes,sweet love sayings,funny christian quotes,

   Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
 ~quotes about Adversity by Garrison Keillor

   It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can't dodge a fly.
 ~funny quote by Josh Billings

   War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today.
 ~saying on War by John F. Kennedy

   I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
 ~funny quote by Mark Twain

   The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures
 ~funny by Jutice Earl Warren

   It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
 ~sayings about funny by Howard Ruff, How to Prosper in the Coming Bad Years, 1979

   Everything you can imagine is real.
 ~quotes about Reality by Pablo Picasso

   In the coldest February, as in every other month in every other year, the best thing to hold on to in this world is each other.
 ~funny quote by Linda Ellerbee, Move On: Adventures in the Real World

   A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.
 ~saying on Writing by Charles Peguy

   God is innocent. Noah built in a flood plain.
 ~funny quote by Author Unknown

   No worthwhile book shows its best face in first reading. It requires several. Doubly and triply true of proverbs. Every time we read them we see something we missed before.
 ~funny by

   In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.
 ~sayings about funny by Stephen Phillips

   It's just life. Just live it.
 ~quotes about Life by Terri Guillemets

   Whenever the ball flew toward our goal and a score seemed inevitable, Jesus reached his foot out and cleared the ball.
 ~funny quote by Author unknown, from an article in Rio de Janeiro's Jornal dos Sports

   [T]he ear of jealousy heareth all things.
 ~saying on Jealousy by The Bible (Apocrypha), Wisdom of Solomon 1:10

   In my friend, I find a second self.
 ~funny quote by Isabel Norton

   Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
 ~funny by Alfred Hitchcock

   It has ever been my experience that folks who have no vices, have very few virtues.
 ~sayings about funny by Abraham Lincoln

   If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
 ~quotes about Television by Joey Adams

   Why certainly I'd like to have that fellow who hits a home run every time at bat, who strikes out every opposing batter when he's pitching, who throws strikes to any base or the plate when he's playing outfield and who's always thinking about two innings ahead just what he'll do to baffle the other team. Any manager would want a guy like that playing for him. The only trouble is to get him to put down his cup of beer and come down out of the stands and do those things
 ~funny quote by Danny Murtaugh

   I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.
 ~saying on Nature by e.e. cummings

   The word Verse is used here as the term most convenient for expressing, and without pedantry, all that is involved in the consideration of rhythm, rhyme, meter, and versification... the subject is exceedingly simple; one tenth of it, possibly may be called ethical; nine tenths, however, appertains to the mathematics.
 ~funny quote by Edgar Allan Poe

   Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
 ~funny by Andre Gide

   The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.
 ~sayings about funny by George Bernard Shaw

   Make your feet your friend.
 ~quotes about Body by J.M. Barrie

   The poet is in the end probably more afraid of the dogmatist who wants to extract the message from the poem and throw the poem away than he is of the sentimentalist who says, Oh, just let me enjoy the poem.
 ~funny quote by Robert Penn Warren, The Themes of Robert Frost, Hopwood Lecture, 1947

   The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.
 ~saying on Effort by Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

   A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
 ~funny quote by Carl Reiner

   You cannot contribute anything to the ideal condition of mind and heart known as Brotherhood, however much you preach, posture, or agree, unless you live it.
 ~funny by Faith Baldwin

   Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of goldBut other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow
 ~sayings about funny by Douglas Pagels, These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You

   All love that has not friendship for its base,
is like a mansion built upon the sand.
 ~quotes about Attitude by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

   When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
 ~funny quote by Woody Allen

   Biography should be written by an acute enemy.
 ~saying on Attitude by Arthur James Balfour

   If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.
 ~funny quote by M.H. Alderson

   Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought
 ~funny by John F Kennedy

   We are never completely contemporaneous with our present. History advances in disguise; it appears on stage wearing a mask of the preceding scene, and we tend to lose the meaning of the play.
 ~sayings about funny by Régis Debray, Revolution in the Revolution?

   Today they build studios with almost complete isolation on each musician. They sit in little cages and listen on headphones. In my opinion, that's not so good for the creative process. We used to gather around the piano, run over the tunes a few times, and the musicians would get ideas for fills or for rhythm licks, and that was more fun. I know that still goes on, but it's not the same
 ~quotes about Entertainment by Chet Atkins (June 20, 1924 - June 30, 2001)

   Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it
 ~funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

   Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
 ~saying on Humor by Grenville Kleiser

   The bomb that fell on Hiroshima fell on America too. It fell on no city, no munition plants, no docks. It erased no church, vaporized no public buildings, reduced no man to his atomic elements. But it fell, it fell.
 ~funny quote by Hermann Hagedorn, The Bomb That Fell on America

   If I were asked to enumerate ten educational stupidities, the giving of grades would head the list... If I can't give a child a better reason for studying than a grade on a report card, I ought to lock my desk and go home and stay there
 ~funny by Dorothy De Zouche

   If you talk to your children, you can help them to keep their lives together. If you talk to them skillfully, you can help them to build future dreams
 ~sayings about funny by Jim Rohn

   It is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the soul is to enter into real life; 'tis rather an embrio state, a preparation for living; a man is not completely born until he be dead: Why then should we grieve that a new
 ~quotes about Sympathy by Benjamin Franklin, 22 February 1756

   We all walk in the dark and each of us must learn to turn on his or her own light.
 ~funny quote by Earl Nightingale

   You can get all A's and still flunk life.
 ~saying on School by Walker Percy

   The book of the moment often has immense vogue, while the book of the age, which comes in its company from the press, lies unnoticed; but the great book has its revenge. It lives to see its contemporary pushed up shelf by shelf until it finds its final resting-place in the garret or the auction room.
 ~funny quote by Hamilton Wright Mabie

   There are cases where psychoanalysis works worse than anything else. But who said that psychoanalysis was to be applied always and everywhere.
 ~funny by C.G. Jung

   It is curious that with the advent of the automobile and the airplane, the bicycle is still with us. Perhaps people like the world they can see from a bike, or the air they breathe when they're out on a bike. Or they like the bicycle's simplicity and the precision with which it is made. Or because they like the feeling of being able to hurtle through air one minute, and saunter through a park the next, without leaving behind clouds of choking exhaust, without leaving behind so much as a footstep.
 ~sayings about funny by Gurdon S. Leete

   Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
 ~quotes about Self-Discovery by Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, 1893

   Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, and soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer that went beyond our farm in Mississippi
 ~funny quote by Oprah Winfrey

   Many a boomerang does notreturn but chooses freedom instead
 ~saying on Freedom by Anonymous

   When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.
 ~funny quote by Bill Lemley

   It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
 ~funny by Author Unknown

   A man of business may talk of philosophy; a man who has none may practise it.
 ~sayings about funny by Alexander Pope, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1727

   Little boldness is needed to assail the opinions and practices of notoriously wicked men; but to rebuke great and good men for their conduct, and to impeach their discernment, is the highest effort of moral courage.
 ~quotes about Integrity by William Lloyd Garrison

   Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you.
 ~funny quote by Marsha Norman

   Squash is boxing with racquets.
 ~saying on Sports by Jonah Barrington

   Speak only the truth. Act with only the best intentions. Once you get into the habit, you can live by this code.
 ~funny quote by Unknown

   Stubborness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow.
 ~funny by Glen Beaman


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