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funny quote of the day generated randomly from our collections

good inspirational quotes,funny golf sayings,funny picture sayings,famous irish sayings,journals with motivational sayings,

   No one does anything from a single motive
 ~quotes about Motivation by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

   The place was always cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck.
 ~funny quote of the day by Andre Dawson, on Montreal

   I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.
 ~saying on Gratitude by Benjamin Disraeli

   We grow gray in our spirit long before we grow gray in our hair.
 ~funny quote of the day by Charles Lamb

   I am not bound for any public place, but for ground of my own where I have planted vines and orchard trees, and in the heat of the day climbed up into the healing shadow of the woods. Better than any argument is to rise at dawn and pick dew-wet red berries in a cup.
 ~of the day by Wendell Berry

   My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

 ~sayings about of the day by Dalai Lama

   The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
 ~quotes about Ignorance by Josh Billings

   A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer lives are based on the labors of other people,``living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
 ~funny quote of the day by Albert Einstein

   Our dream dashes itself against the great mystery like a wasp against a window pane. Less merciful than man, God never opens the window.
 ~saying on Hawww by Jules Renard, Journal, 1906

   Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence - those are the three pillars of Western prosperity.
 ~funny quote of the day by Aldous Huxley, Island

   A house without books is like a room without windows
 ~of the day by Horace Mann

   Heaven is blessed with perfect rest but the blessing of earth is toil.
 ~sayings about of the day by Henry van Dyke

   My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading
 ~quotes about Computers by Steve Jobs

   All right Mister, let me tell you what winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, give more than anyone else
 ~funny quote of the day by Vince Lombardi

   Yes, one must suffer, even in vain, so as not to have lived in vain.
 ~saying on Adversity by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   God is a child who amuses himself, going from laughing to crying for no reason, each day reinventing the world to the chagrin of hair-splitters, pedants, and preachers, who try to teach God his job as Creator.
 ~funny quote of the day by Elie Faure, L'Esprit des formes, 1927

   We are all such a waste of our potential, like three-way lamps using one-way bulbs.
 ~of the day by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   He who does not fill his world with phantoms remains alone.
 ~sayings about of the day by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   If the sole reason why you must not kill your neighbour is because God has forbidden it and will severely punish you for it in this or the next life - then, when you learn that there is no God and that you need not fear His punishment, you will certainly kill your neighbour without hesitation, and you can only be prevented from doing so by mundane force. Thus either these dangerous masses must be held down most severely and kept most carefully away from any chance of intellectual awakening, or else the relationship between civilization and religion must undergo a fundamental revision.
 ~quotes about Religion by Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

   Character is higher than intellect.
 ~funny quote of the day by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
 ~saying on Dogs by Dave Barry

   Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
 ~funny quote of the day by William James

   I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody's head.
 ~of the day by John Updike

   Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.
 ~sayings about of the day by Robert Schuller

   Quotations will tell the full measure of meaning, if you have enough of them.
 ~quotes about Quotations by James Murray

   Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.
 ~funny quote of the day by Rainer Maria Rilke

   Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money.
 ~saying on Trees by Cree Indian Proverb

   The tyrant is nothing but a slave turned inside out.
 ~funny quote of the day by Herbert Spencer

   Poetry is nobody's business except the poet's, and everybody else can fuck off.
 ~of the day by Philip Larkin

   Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
 ~sayings about of the day by Author Unknown

   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
 ~quotes about Funny Quotes by Bob Hope

   If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
 ~funny quote of the day by Author Unknown

   Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
 ~saying on Famous Saying by Pierre Laplace

   Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
 ~funny quote of the day by Alfred Hitchcock

   Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life
 ~of the day by Author Unknown

   Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
 ~sayings about of the day by Jules Feiffer

   I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.
 ~quotes about Self-Respect by Frederick Douglass

   There are aphorisms that, like air planes, stay up only while they are in motion.
 ~funny quote of the day by Vladimir Nabokov

   Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.
 ~saying on Animals by Voltaire, letter to Count Schomberg, 31 August 1769

   If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.
 ~funny quote of the day by Joseph Schenck

   Children make you want to start life over.
 ~of the day by Muhammad Ali

   Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes arise from the depths of our being: Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time?
 ~sayings about of the day by Madame Swetchine

   Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
 ~quotes about Weather by George Carlin

   Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.
 ~funny quote of the day by Dale Carnegie

   Instead of working to earn something, work to become something. Work to become fulfilled. Work to become useful to others.
 ~saying on Attitude by Dianna Booher

   If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.
 ~funny quote of the day by Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker

   Because they know the name of what I am looking for, they think they know what I am looking for!
 ~of the day by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.
 ~sayings about of the day by Judge Sturgess

   When I am in the country I wish to vegetate like the country.
 ~quotes about Country by William Hazlitt, Table Talk

   Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must be first overcome.
 ~funny quote of the day by Samuel Johnson, Rasselas, 1759

   If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.
 ~saying on Money by George Gobel

   Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
 ~funny quote of the day by Alexander Hamilton

   Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense.
 ~of the day by Author Unknown

   To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
 ~sayings about of the day by Confucius

   Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
 ~quotes about Freedom by Abraham Lincoln

   There's no such thing as bragging. You're either lying or telling the truth.
 ~funny quote of the day by Al Oliver

   We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us.
 ~saying on Worry by John Lancaster Spalding

   Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you
 ~funny quote of the day by Elbert Hubbard

   I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.
 ~of the day by Denis Waitely


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