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funny life quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.
 ~quotes about Gratitude by Benjamin Disraeli

   We grow gray in our spirit long before we grow gray in our hair.
 ~funny life quotes by Charles Lamb

   I am not bound for any public place, but for ground of my own where I have planted vines and orchard trees, and in the heat of the day climbed up into the healing shadow of the woods. Better than any argument is to rise at dawn and pick dew-wet red berries in a cup.
 ~saying on Nature by Wendell Berry

   My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

 ~funny life quotes by Dalai Lama

   The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
 ~life by Josh Billings

   A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer lives are based on the labors of other people,``living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
 ~sayings about life by Albert Einstein

   Our dream dashes itself against the great mystery like a wasp against a window pane. Less merciful than man, God never opens the window.
 ~quotes about Hawww by Jules Renard, Journal, 1906

   Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence - those are the three pillars of Western prosperity.
 ~funny life quotes by Aldous Huxley, Island

   A house without books is like a room without windows
 ~saying on Books by Horace Mann

   Heaven is blessed with perfect rest but the blessing of earth is toil.
 ~funny life quotes by Henry van Dyke

   My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading
 ~life by Steve Jobs

   All right Mister, let me tell you what winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, give more than anyone else
 ~sayings about life by Vince Lombardi

   Yes, one must suffer, even in vain, so as not to have lived in vain.
 ~quotes about Adversity by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   God is a child who amuses himself, going from laughing to crying for no reason, each day reinventing the world to the chagrin of hair-splitters, pedants, and preachers, who try to teach God his job as Creator.
 ~funny life quotes by Elie Faure, L'Esprit des formes, 1927

   We are all such a waste of our potential, like three-way lamps using one-way bulbs.
 ~saying on Confidence by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   He who does not fill his world with phantoms remains alone.
 ~funny life quotes by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   If the sole reason why you must not kill your neighbour is because God has forbidden it and will severely punish you for it in this or the next life - then, when you learn that there is no God and that you need not fear His punishment, you will certainly kill your neighbour without hesitation, and you can only be prevented from doing so by mundane force. Thus either these dangerous masses must be held down most severely and kept most carefully away from any chance of intellectual awakening, or else the relationship between civilization and religion must undergo a fundamental revision.
 ~life by Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

   Character is higher than intellect.
 ~sayings about life by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
 ~quotes about Dogs by Dave Barry

   Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
 ~funny life quotes by William James

   I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody's head.
 ~saying on Writing by John Updike

   Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.
 ~funny life quotes by Robert Schuller

   Quotations will tell the full measure of meaning, if you have enough of them.
 ~life by James Murray

   Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.
 ~sayings about life by Rainer Maria Rilke

   Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money.
 ~quotes about Trees by Cree Indian Proverb

   The tyrant is nothing but a slave turned inside out.
 ~funny life quotes by Herbert Spencer

   Poetry is nobody's business except the poet's, and everybody else can fuck off.
 ~saying on Poetry by Philip Larkin

   Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
 ~funny life quotes by Author Unknown

   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
 ~life by Bob Hope

   If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
 ~sayings about life by Author Unknown

   Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
 ~quotes about Famous Saying by Pierre Laplace

   Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
 ~funny life quotes by Alfred Hitchcock

   Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life
 ~saying on Valentine's Day by Author Unknown

   Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
 ~funny life quotes by Jules Feiffer

   I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.
 ~life by Frederick Douglass

   There are aphorisms that, like air planes, stay up only while they are in motion.
 ~sayings about life by Vladimir Nabokov

   Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.
 ~quotes about Animals by Voltaire, letter to Count Schomberg, 31 August 1769

   If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.
 ~funny life quotes by Joseph Schenck

   Children make you want to start life over.
 ~saying on Children by Muhammad Ali

   Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes arise from the depths of our being: Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time?
 ~funny life quotes by Madame Swetchine

   Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
 ~life by George Carlin

   Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.
 ~sayings about life by Dale Carnegie

   Instead of working to earn something, work to become something. Work to become fulfilled. Work to become useful to others.
 ~quotes about Attitude by Dianna Booher

   If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.
 ~funny life quotes by Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker

   Because they know the name of what I am looking for, they think they know what I am looking for!
 ~saying on Philosophical by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.
 ~funny life quotes by Judge Sturgess

   When I am in the country I wish to vegetate like the country.
 ~life by William Hazlitt, Table Talk

   Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must be first overcome.
 ~sayings about life by Samuel Johnson, Rasselas, 1759

   If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.
 ~quotes about Money by George Gobel

   Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
 ~funny life quotes by Alexander Hamilton

   Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense.
 ~saying on Laughter by Author Unknown

   To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
 ~funny life quotes by Confucius

   Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
 ~life by Abraham Lincoln

   There's no such thing as bragging. You're either lying or telling the truth.
 ~sayings about life by Al Oliver

   We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us.
 ~quotes about Worry by John Lancaster Spalding

   Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you
 ~funny life quotes by Elbert Hubbard

   I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.
 ~saying on Perspective by Denis Waitely

   If you ride you know those moments when you have fed yourself into the traffic, felt the hashed-up asphalt rattle in the handlebars, held a lungful of air in a cloud of exhaust. Up ahead there are two parallel buses. With cat's whiskers, you measure the clearance down a doubtful alley. You swing wide, outflank that flower truck. The cross-street yellow light is turning red. You burst off the green like a surfer on a wave of metal. You have a hundred empty yards of Broadway to yourself.
 ~funny life quotes by Chip Brown, A Bike and a Prayer

   Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.
 ~life by Soren Kierkegaard


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