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funny humorous quote generated randomly from our collections

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   Never mind. The self is the least of it. Let our scars fall in love.
 ~quotes about Hawww by Galway Kinnell

   The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does
 ~funny humorous quote by Author Unknown

   Charming people live up to the very edge of their charm, and behave as outrageously as the world lets them.
 ~saying on Charm by Logan Pearsall Smith

   There are now electrical appliances with the main unit so sealed in that it cannot be got at for repair. There have always been human beings like that.
 ~funny humorous quote by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   The secret of happiness is to find a congenial monotony.
 ~humorous by V.S. Pritchett

   With men, as with women, the main struggle is between vanity and comfort; but with men, comfort often wins.
 ~sayings about humorous by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   I find friendship to be like wine, raw when new, ripened with age, the true old man's milk and restorative cordial
 ~quotes about Friends by Thomas Jefferson

   Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
 ~funny humorous quote by P.J. O'Rourke

   If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
 ~saying on Happiness by Dalai Lama

   Nowadays the clinical history too often weighs more than the man.
 ~funny humorous quote by Martin H. Fischer

   You're only as young as the last time you changed your mind.
 ~humorous by Timothy Leary

   There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.
 ~sayings about humorous by Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady

   Visitors should behave in such a way that the host and hostess feel at home.
 ~quotes about Manners by J.S. Farynski

   As contraries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence
 ~funny humorous quote by Alcibiades

   Cutting stalks at noontime. Perspiration drips to the earth. Know you that your bowl of rice each grain from hardship comes?
 ~saying on Food by Chang Chan-Pao

   Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
 ~funny humorous quote by Robert Heinlein, Notebooks of Lazarus Long

   Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.
 ~humorous by Charles Caleb Colton

   The earth is like a beautiful bride who needs no manmade jewels to heighten her loveliness.
 ~sayings about humorous by Kahlil Gibran

   I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway you're on the same wavelength as the referees.
 ~quotes about Sports by Jonathan Davies, 1995

   I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the "history" I was told in second gradeBut considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose
 ~funny humorous quote by Ellen Orleans

   While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate.
 ~saying on Helping by Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

   Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen.
 ~funny humorous quote by Martin H. Fischer

   Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
 ~humorous by Marcel Achard, Quote, 4 November 1956

   Poker is... a fascinating, wonderful, intricate adventure on the high seas of human nature.
 ~sayings about humorous by David A Daniel

   An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? No, said the priest, not if you did not know. Then why, asked the Inuit earnestly, did you tell me?
 ~quotes about Religion by Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

   There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire.
 ~funny humorous quote by John C. Collins

   It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat
 ~saying on Cool by Theodore Roosevelt

   Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.
 ~funny humorous quote by Gerald Barzan

   If you want to look like the people next door, you're probably smothering yourself and your dreams.
 ~humorous by Clive Barker

   Poetry is ordinary language raised to the nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words.
 ~sayings about humorous by Paul Engle, New York Times, 17 February 1957

   Inspiration seldom generates action, actions always create inspiration, do something – anything.
 ~quotes about Self Discipline by

   A fellow who does things that count, doesn't usually stop to count them.
 ~funny humorous quote by Variation of a saying by Albert Einstein

   This, then, is the state of the union: free and restless, growing and full of hopeSo it was in the beginningSo it shall always be, while God is willing, and we are strong enough to keep the faith
 ~saying on Independence Day by Lyndon B. Johnson

   No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck.
 ~funny humorous quote by Frederick Douglass, speech, Civil Rights Mass Meeting, Washington, D.C., 1883

   If you have to be in a soap opera try not to get the worst role
 ~humorous by Boy George

   It is the true office of history to represent the events themselves, together with the counsels, and to leave the observations and conclusions thereupon to the liberty and faculty of every man's judgment.
 ~sayings about humorous by Francis Bacon, Advancement of Learning

   A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
 ~quotes about Dieting by Author Unknown

   A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain
 ~funny humorous quote by Robert A. Heinlein

   We can never do a kindness too soon because we never know how soon it will be too late.
 ~saying on Attitude by

   Another novelty is the tea-party, an extraordinary meal in that, being offered to persons that have already dined well, it supposes neither appetite nor thirst, and has no object but distraction, no basis but delicate enjoyment.
 ~funny humorous quote by Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, The Physiology of Taste

   ...existence has become an unreasoning, wild dance around the golden calf, a mad worship of God Mammon. In that dance and in that worship man has sacrificed all his finer qualities of the heart and soul - kindness and justice, honor and manhood, compassion and sympathy with his fellowman.
 ~humorous by Alexander Berkman, What Is Communist Anarchism?

   Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots
 ~sayings about humorous by Hoosier Farmer

   How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
 ~quotes about Relationships by From the movie Annie

   People who do not understand themselves have a craving for understanding.
 ~funny humorous quote by Wilhelm Stekel

   Fight and you may die. Run and you'll live, at least a while. And, dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance -- just one chance -- to come back here and tell our enemies, that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom
 ~saying on Freedom by William Wallace

   I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.
 ~funny humorous quote by Ron Kittle, 1987

   One is tempted to say that the most human plants, after all, are the weeds.
 ~humorous by John Burroughs, Pepacton, 1881

   Some may think that life is laughing at us! Well we'll see who will have the last laugh!
 ~sayings about humorous by Siro

   Don't worry about people stealing your ideasIf your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats
 ~quotes about New Job Congrats by Howard Aiken

   'Will' is what creates the energy and courage to create. 'Want,' by itself, just isn't enough.
 ~funny humorous quote by Nisandeh Neta

   May you get what you wish for
 ~saying on Adversity by Old Chinese Curse

   Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself.
 ~funny humorous quote by From a Winston advertisement

   My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
 ~humorous by Bob Hope

   It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
 ~sayings about humorous by Robert Frost

   In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man.
 ~quotes about Dogs by Maurice Maeterlinck

   Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had.
 ~funny humorous quote by Francis Rodman

   You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
 ~saying on Funny Quotes by Dave Barry

   Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet
 ~funny humorous quote by Gene Perret

   A handful of pine-seed will cover mountains with the green majesty of a forestI too will set my face to the wind and throw my handful of seed on high
 ~humorous by Fiona MacLeod


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