funny hilarious sayings and quotations on hilarious sayings

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funny hilarious sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
 ~quotes about Science by Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988

   The public is hedged about by so many goddam bookkeepers that no time is left in which to produce. More time is spent in carrying out garbage than in carrying in food.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Martin H. Fischer

   Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too
 ~saying on Valentine's Day by Attributed to Greg, age 8

   There's a long, long trail a-winding into the land of my dreams.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Stoddard King, Jr.

   It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
 ~hilarious by e.e. cummings

   Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Home is where you can say anything you like cause nobody listens to you anyway.
 ~quotes about Home by Author Unknown

   It is well to remember that a Martian observing his first baseball game would be quite correct in concluding that the last two words of the National Anthem are: PLAY BALL!
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Herbert H. Paper, in Cincinnati Enquirer, 2 April 1989

   I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born.
 ~saying on Abortion by Ronald Reagan, quoted in New York Times, 22 September 1980

   The stars are the street lights of eternity.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Author Unknown

   As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master This expresses my idea of democracy
 ~hilarious by Abraham Lincoln

   Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Oscar Wilde

   A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know.
 ~quotes about Kisses by Mistinguett (Jeanne Bourgeois), Theatre Arts, December 1955

   Up to five goals is journalism. After that, it becomes statistics.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Author Unknown

   I pledge allegiance to the earth and to the flora, fauna and human life that it supports, one planet indivisible, with safe air, water & soil, economic justice, equal rights and peace for all.
 ~saying on America by Author unknown, proposed new Pledge of Allegiance, as seen on a button

   A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Proverb

   A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
 ~hilarious by Henry Brooks Adams

   That's baseball, and it's my game. Y' know, you take your worries to the game, and you leave 'em there. You yell like crazy for your guys. It's good for your lungs, gives you a lift, and nobody calls the cops. Pretty girls, lots of 'em.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Humphrey Bogart

   Now I know why they tell you to put your head between your knees on crash landings. You think you're going to kiss your ass good-bye.
 ~quotes about Travel by Terry Hanson

   It is sweet to serve one's country by deeds, and it is not absurd to serve her by words
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Sallust

   All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.
 ~saying on Dreams by Elias Canetti

   Trip over love, you can get upFall in love and you fall forever
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Author Unknown

   In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
 ~hilarious by Bill Vaughan

   Draft beer; not people.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Author Unknown

   The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain
 ~quotes about Celebrity by Dolly Parton

   War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Thomas Mann

   Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day.
 ~saying on Sleep by Friedrich Nietzsche

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

   You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time
 ~hilarious by Abraham Lincoln

   I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween
 ~sayings about hilarious by Author Unknown

   Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
 ~quotes about Humorous by Colin Sautar

   America is much more than a geographical factIt is a political and moral fact - the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Adlai Stevenson

   If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
 ~saying on Golf by Joey Adams

   Nationalism is a silly cock crowing on his own dunghill.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Richard Aldington

   It's never safe to be nostalgic about something until you're absolutely certain there's no chance of its coming back.
 ~hilarious by Bill Vaughn

   We don't need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Donald Horban

   Show me someone who never gossips, and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
 ~quotes about Gossip by Barbara Walters

   Our flag means all that our fathers meant in the Revolutionary WarIt means all that the Declaration of Independence meantIt means justiceIt means libertyIt means happiness.... Every color means libertyEvery thread means libertyEvery star and stripe means
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Henry Ward Beecher

   Most people will be about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
 ~saying on Happiness by

   A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Ogden Nash

   The cure for capitalism's failing would require that a government would have to rise above the interests of one class alone.
 ~hilarious by Robert L. Heilbroner

   He enjoys true leisure who has time to improve his soul's estate.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Henry David Thoreau

   Never support two weaknesses at the same time. It's your combination sinners - your lecherous liars and your miserly drunkards - who dishonor the vices and bring them into bad repute.
 ~quotes about Vices by Thornton Wilder

   [T]he bicycle will accomplish more for women's sensible dress than all the reform movements that have ever been waged.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Author Unknown, from Demerarest's Family Magazine, 1895

   Faith... must be enforced by reason.... When faith becomes blind it dies.
 ~saying on Faith by Mahatma Gandhi

   There is not a sprig of grass that shoots uninteresting to me.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Thomas Jefferson

   After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi
 ~hilarious by P.J. O'Rourke

   One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Pete Alfano

   If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you'll die a lot of times.
 ~quotes about Worry by Dean Smith

   I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Author Unknown

   A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle; and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.
 ~saying on Patriotism by George William Curtis

   Put your future in good hands - your own.
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Author Unknown

   I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.
 ~hilarious by Dolly Parton

   Women are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Ellen Glasgow

   The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder.
 ~quotes about Curiosity by Ralph W. Sockman

   If you do a lot of things to build business, you'll build business. They don't have to be done perfectly to work, although the better you do them, the better they'll work. But the main point is that you have to do them -- a lot
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Joe Girard

   Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
 ~saying on Equality Difference by Italian Proverb

   Would you kill your pet dog or cat to eat it? How about an animal you're not emotionally attached to? Is the thought of slaughtering a cow or chicken or pig with your own hands too much to handle? Instead, would hiring a hit-man to do the job give you enough distance from the emotional discomfort? What animal did you put a contract out on for your supper last night? Did you at least make sure that none went to waste and to take a moment to be grateful for its sacrifice?
 ~funny hilarious sayings by Anonymous

   One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully.
 ~hilarious by Robert Benchley


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