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funny hilarious quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
 ~quotes about Children by Joe Houldsworth

   Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Roberto Assagioli

   There are books so alive that you're always afraid that while you weren't reading, the book has gone and changed, has shifted like a river; while you went on living, it went on living too, and like a river moved on and moved away. No one has stepped twice into the same river. But did anyone ever step twice into the same book?
 ~saying on Books Reading by Marina Tsvetaeva

   Man - despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments - owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Author Unknown

   To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
 ~hilarious by Ken S. Keyes, Jr., Handbook to Higher Consciousness

   A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.
 ~sayings about hilarious by David Brinkley

   No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it.
 ~quotes about Stress by Harry Emerson Fosdick

   Courage is as often the outcome of despair as of hope; in the one case we have nothing to lose, in the other everything to gain.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Diane de Poitiers

   I can't say as ever I was lost, but I was bewildered once for three days.
 ~saying on Perspective by Daniel Boone

   When you leave the old for the new, you know what you are leaving but not what you will find
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Ralph Parlette

   We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
 ~hilarious by Denis Diderot

   If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Bill Cosby

   All maxims have their antagonist maxims; proverbs should be sold in pairs, a single one being but a half truth.
 ~quotes about Quotations by William Mathews

   Patch grief with proverbs.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by William Shakespeare

   God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.
 ~saying on God by H. Beerbohm-Tree

   The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Jackie Gleason

   The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.
 ~hilarious by D.H. Lawrence

   No two men ever judged alike of the same thing, and it is impossible to find two opinions exactly similar, not only in different men but in the same men at different times.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Michel Montaigne

   We have, I fear, confused power with greatness
 ~quotes about Election Day by Stewart Udall

   If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Henry David Thoreau

   Zoos are becoming facsimiles - or perhaps caricatures - of how animals once were in their natural habitat. If the right policies toward nature were pursued, we would need no zoos at all.
 ~saying on Animal Rights by Michael Fox, Sierra, November-December 1990

   All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Ellen Glasgow

   Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear.
 ~hilarious by William E. Gladstone, 1866

   Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.
 ~sayings about hilarious by G.K. Chesterton

   Why Mr. Summers, don't you know that the spitter has been outlawed for years? How would I ever learn to throw one?
 ~quotes about Baseball by Thomas Jefferson

   Philo began laying out his vision for what television could become. Above all else... television would become the world's greatest teaching tool. Illiteracy would be wiped out. The immediacy of television was the key. As news happened viewers would watch it unfold live; no longer would we have to rely on people interpreting and distorting the news for us. We would be watching sporting events and symphony orchestras. Instead of going to the movies, the movies would come to us. Television would also bring about world peace. If we were able to see people in other countries and learn about our differences, why would there be any misunderstandings? War would be a thing of the past.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Evan I. Schwartz, The Last Lone Inventor, about Philo T. Farnsworth, the inventor of television

   Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.
 ~saying on Being Yourself by Henri Frederic Amiel

   I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by James Baldwin

   Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
 ~hilarious by H.L. Mencken<

   Any man can hold a girl's hand, but only the elite can hold her feet.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Author Unknown

   A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion.
 ~quotes about Medical by Martin H. Fischer

   My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Ashleigh Brilliant

   I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd
 ~saying on Sports Soccer by Johnny Giles

   A writer's mind seems to be situated partly in the solar plexus and partly in the head.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Ethel Wilson

   Happy We-Stole-Your-Land-and-Killed-Your-People Day!
 ~hilarious by Thanksgiving toast, from the movie Sweet November

   Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them
 ~sayings about hilarious by Bill Vaughn, quoted in Jon Winokur, The Portable Curmudgeon, 1987

   Love one another and you will be happyIt's as simple and as difficult as that
 ~quotes about I Love You by Michael Leunig

   Never part without loving words to think of during your absenceIt may be that you will not meet again in this life
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Jean Paul Richter

   It is the job of poetry to clean up our word-clogged reality by creating silences around things.
 ~saying on Poetry by Stephen Mallarme

   Do not follow where the path may leadGo, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.
 ~hilarious by Elizabeth Lawrence

   You can see a lot by just looking.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Yogi Berra

   The cat is the animal to whom the Creator gave the biggest eye, the softest fur, the most supremely delicate nostrils, a mobile ear, an unrivaled paw and a curved claw borrowed from the rose-tree.
 ~quotes about Cats by Colette

   Scrapbooking is cheaper than a therapist.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Author Unknown

   I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.
 ~saying on Clothing by W. Dayton Wedgefarth

   Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Colette

   It well becomes a man who is no longer young to forget that he ever was.
 ~hilarious by Seigneur de Saint-Evremond, 1696

   Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Sicilian Proverb

   In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman.
 ~quotes about Women by Nancy Astor, My Two Countries

   Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Steve Bluestone

   Books - the best antidote against the marsh-gas of boredom and vacuity.
 ~saying on Books Reading by George Steiner

   There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Lou Reed, "Magic and Loss"

   Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
 ~hilarious by Aldous Huxley

   The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.
 ~sayings about hilarious by Robert M. Pirsig

   Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
 ~quotes about Environment by The Washington Post

   Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts; I'll win a pennant every year.
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Sparky Anderson

   Making the decision to have a child is momentousIt is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body
 ~saying on Mothers Day by Elizabeth Stone

   You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with
 ~funny hilarious quotes by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

   The eloquent man is he who is no beautiful speaker, but who is inwardly and desperately drunk with a certain belief.
 ~hilarious by Ralph Waldo Emerson


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