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funny family quote generated randomly from our collections

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   I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within the year.
 ~quotes about Marriage by Bette Davis

   There are sufferings that have lost their memory and do not remember why they are suffering.
 ~funny family quote by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
 ~saying on America by Oscar Wilde

   A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow
 ~funny family quote by Charles Brower

   You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
 ~family by Laurence J. Peter

   An artist, in giving a concert, should not demand an entrance fee but should ask the public to pay, just before leaving as much as they like. From the sum he would be able to judge what the world thinks of him - and we would have fewer mediocre concerts.
 ~sayings about family by Kit Coleman, Kit Coleman: Queen of Hearts

   A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job
 ~quotes about Retirement by Ella Harris

   Love and business and family and religion and art and patriotism are nothing but shadows of words when a man's starving.
 ~funny family quote by O. Henry, Heart of the West, 1907

   We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls.
 ~saying on America by Robert J. McCracken

   When we lost I couldn't sleep at night. When we win I can't sleep at night. But when you win, you wake up feeling better
 ~funny family quote by Joe Torre

   The history of the world is the record of a man in quest of his daily bread and butter.
 ~family by Hendrik Wilhelm van Loon, The Story of Mankind

   Friends are God's apology for relations.
 ~sayings about family by Hugh Kingsmill

   Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
 ~quotes about Friendship by Menclus

   Man creates problems. Government and bureaucrats magnify them 100 times
 ~funny family quote by George Van Valkenburg

   Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule.
 ~saying on Sanity by Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, 1886

   Faith is a passionate intuition.
 ~funny family quote by William Wordsworth

   If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
 ~family by Carl Sagan

   Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law
 ~sayings about family by Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

   A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
 ~quotes about Smiles by Charles Gordy

   Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.
 ~funny family quote by Havelock Ellis, On Life and Sex: Essays of Love and Virtue, 1937

   Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out.
 ~saying on Exercise by Norman Mailer

   If money be not thy servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him
 ~funny family quote by Francis Bacon

   Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!
 ~family by Author Unknown

   Curiosity is only vanity. Most frequently we wish not to know, but to talk. We would not take a sea voyage for the sole pleasure of seeing without hope of ever telling.
 ~sayings about family by Blaise Pascal, Pensées

   The sound of a car door opening in front of you is similar to the sound of a gun being cocked.
 ~quotes about Bicycling by Amy Webster

   Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.
 ~funny family quote by Gloria Steinem, New York Times, 26 August 1971

   "What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye?...I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something...."
 ~saying on Goals by David Malter in _The Chosen_ by Chaim Potok

   Prayer is not merely an occasional impulse to which we respond when we are in trouble: prayer is a life attitude.
 ~funny family quote by Walter A. Mueller

   A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
 ~family by Doug Larson

   Charm is a glow within a woman that casts a most becoming light on others.
 ~sayings about family by John Mason Brown

   Born free, taxed to death
 ~quotes about Death by Unknown

   I do not like eating meat because I have seen lambs and pigs killed. I saw and felt their pain. They felt the approaching death. I could not bear it. I cried like a child. I ran up a hill and could not breathe. I felt that I was choking. I felt the death of the lamb.
 ~funny family quote by Vaslav Nijinsky

   Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due.
 ~saying on Worry by William Ralph Inge

   The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.
 ~funny family quote by Peter De Vries

   A mental stain can neither be blotted out by the passage of time nor washed away by any waters.
 ~family by Cicero

   I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
 ~sayings about family by Bob Hope

   History is the sum total of the things that could have been avoided.
 ~quotes about History by Konrad Adenauer

   Architecture begins where engineering ends.
 ~funny family quote by Walter Gropius

   Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.
 ~saying on Men by Robin Morgan

   Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales, so is the other.
 ~funny family quote by Francis Bacon, Of Death

   Flesh goes on pleasuring us, and humiliating us, right to the end.
 ~family by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way.
 ~sayings about family by Edna Ferber

   An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
 ~quotes about Age by Agatha Christie, news summaries, 9 March 1954

   To be too conscious is an illness - a real thoroughgoing illness.
 ~funny family quote by Fyodor Dostoevski

   Never strike your wife - even with a flower.
 ~saying on Marriage by Hindu Proverb

   My experience with public libraries is that the first volume of the book I inquire for is out, unless I happen to want the second, when that is out.
 ~funny family quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes, The Poet at the Breakfast Table

   Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
 ~family by Hesketh Pearson

   Turn your wounds into wisdom
 ~sayings about family by Oprah Winfrey

   God's will is not an itinerary, but an attitude.
 ~quotes about God by Andrew Dhuse

   When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
 ~funny family quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt

   There's a standard formula for success in the entertainment medium, and that is: Beat it to death if it succeeds.
 ~saying on Society by Ernie Kovacs

   Calamity, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.
 ~funny family quote by Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

   Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right
 ~family by H.L. Mencken, 1956

   The past remains integral to us all, individually and collectively. We must concede the ancients their place, as I have argued. But their place is not simply back there in a separate and foreign country; it is assimilated in ourselves, and resurrected into an ever-changing present.
 ~sayings about family by David Lowenthal, The Past Is a Foreign Country

   It ain't nothin' till I call it.
 ~quotes about Baseball by Bill Klem, umpire

   When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks
 ~funny family quote by Natalie Clifford Barney

   Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.
 ~saying on Grief by Mary C. Crowley

   Seize from every moment its unique novelty, and do not prepare your joys.
 ~funny family quote by André Gide, Nourritures Terrestres

   The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr.
 ~family by Mohammed


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