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funny drunk quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   Any man can hold a girl's hand, but only the elite can hold her feet.
 ~quotes about Cheerleading by Author Unknown

   A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Martin H. Fischer

   My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
 ~saying on Perspective by Ashleigh Brilliant

   I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd
 ~funny drunk quotes by Johnny Giles

   A writer's mind seems to be situated partly in the solar plexus and partly in the head.
 ~drunk by Ethel Wilson

   Happy We-Stole-Your-Land-and-Killed-Your-People Day!
 ~sayings about drunk by Thanksgiving toast, from the movie Sweet November

   Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them
 ~quotes about Earth Day by Bill Vaughn, quoted in Jon Winokur, The Portable Curmudgeon, 1987

   Love one another and you will be happyIt's as simple and as difficult as that
 ~funny drunk quotes by Michael Leunig

   Never part without loving words to think of during your absenceIt may be that you will not meet again in this life
 ~saying on Goodbye by Jean Paul Richter

   It is the job of poetry to clean up our word-clogged reality by creating silences around things.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Stephen Mallarme

   Do not follow where the path may leadGo, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail
 ~drunk by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.
 ~sayings about drunk by Elizabeth Lawrence

   You can see a lot by just looking.
 ~quotes about Philosophical by Yogi Berra

   The cat is the animal to whom the Creator gave the biggest eye, the softest fur, the most supremely delicate nostrils, a mobile ear, an unrivaled paw and a curved claw borrowed from the rose-tree.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Colette

   Scrapbooking is cheaper than a therapist.
 ~saying on Scrapbooking by Author Unknown

   I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.
 ~funny drunk quotes by W. Dayton Wedgefarth

   Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.
 ~drunk by Colette

   It well becomes a man who is no longer young to forget that he ever was.
 ~sayings about drunk by Seigneur de Saint-Evremond, 1696

   Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.
 ~quotes about Friendship by Sicilian Proverb

   In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Nancy Astor, My Two Countries

   Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
 ~saying on Dogs by Steve Bluestone

   Books - the best antidote against the marsh-gas of boredom and vacuity.
 ~funny drunk quotes by George Steiner

   There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out
 ~drunk by Lou Reed, "Magic and Loss"

   Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
 ~sayings about drunk by Aldous Huxley

   The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.
 ~quotes about Attitude by Robert M. Pirsig

   Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
 ~funny drunk quotes by The Washington Post

   Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts; I'll win a pennant every year.
 ~saying on Sports by Sparky Anderson

   Making the decision to have a child is momentousIt is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body
 ~funny drunk quotes by Elizabeth Stone

   You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with
 ~drunk by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

   The eloquent man is he who is no beautiful speaker, but who is inwardly and desperately drunk with a certain belief.
 ~sayings about drunk by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   If you were somebody else, would you want to be friends with you?
 ~quotes about Friends by Unknown

   Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Pauline R. Kezer

   Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating
 ~saying on Adversity by O. Henry

   A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Mark Twain, What Is Man?, 1906

   If a man love the labour of any trade apart from any question of success or fame, the gods have called him.
 ~drunk by Robert Louis Stevenson

   A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after
 ~sayings about drunk by Peter De Vries

   Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.
 ~quotes about Manners by Cesare Pavese, This Business of Living: Diaries

   He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Samuel Johnson

   Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore.
 ~saying on Self-Discovery by Dorothy Bryant

   Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for - annually, not oftener - if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the In
 ~funny drunk quotes by Mark Twain

   The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
 ~drunk by Quentin Crisp

   Poetry is to prose as dancing is to walking.
 ~sayings about drunk by John Wain

   Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children
 ~quotes about Mothers Day by William Makepeace Thackeray

   If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Aristotle Onassis

   To find yourself, lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself.
 ~saying on Growth by

   One of the pleasures of reading old letters is the knowledge that they need no answer.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Lord Byron

   Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.
 ~drunk by Amy Lowell

   Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
 ~sayings about drunk by Dodie Smith, I Capture The Castle

   O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!
 ~quotes about Alcohol by William Shakespeare, Othello

   Oh the nerves, the nerves; the mysteries of this machine called man! Oh the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are!
 ~funny drunk quotes by Charles Dickens

   If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using an outside agency and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
 ~saying on Golf by Henry Longhurst

   The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.
 ~funny drunk quotes by Charles L. Morgan

   A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation.
 ~drunk by James Freeman Clarke, Sermon

   Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science.
 ~sayings about drunk by Henry David Thoreau

   And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: Look at this Godawful mess.
 ~quotes about Environment by Art Buchwald, 1970

   The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear Him.
 ~funny drunk quotes by William McGill

   only god can judge me
 ~saying on Self Confidence by Tupac Shakur

   History, as long as it continues to happen, is always another chance.
 ~funny drunk quotes by R. Jackson Wilson

   The end of labor is to gain leisure
 ~drunk by Aristotle


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