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funny drinking quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have
 ~quotes about Independence Day by Harry Emerson Fosdick

   To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Will Durant

   Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
 ~saying on Golf by Chi Chi Rodriguez

   Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Elsa Schiaparelli

   Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to weave.
 ~drinking by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Many books require no thought from those who read them, and for a very simple reason. They made no such demand upon those who wrote them.
 ~sayings about drinking by Charles Caleb Colton

   When a man wantonly destroys one of the works of man we call him a vandal. When he destroys one of the works of god we call him a sportsman.
 ~quotes about Animal Rights by Joseph Wood Krutch

   It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Moliere

   Let's have some new cliches.
 ~saying on Quotations by Samuel Goldwyn

   Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Anthony Brandt

   If we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall in to this vice. The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and generosity.
 ~drinking by Abraham Lincoln, address to the Washington Temperance Society, Springfield, Illinois, 22 February 18

   The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives
 ~sayings about drinking by Robert Maynard Hutchins

   Not being able to govern events, I govern myself, and apply myself to them, if they will not apply themselves to me.
 ~quotes about Self-Control by Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1588

   The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, It's a girl.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Shirley Chisholm

   The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.
 ~saying on Brothers by Winston Pendelton

   [P]erhaps nothing 'ud be a lesson to us if it didn't come too late. It's well we should feel as life's a reckoning we can't make twice over; there's no real making amends in this world, any more nor you can mend a wrong subtraction by doing your addition right.
 ~funny drinking quotes by George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans), Adam Bede

   America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
 ~drinking by Hunter S. Thompson

   People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote - a very different thing.
 ~sayings about drinking by Walter H. Judd

   The injury we do and the one we suffer are not weighed in the same scales.
 ~quotes about Hypocrisy by Aesop, Fables

   Our age will be known as the age of committees.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Ernest Benn

   In an age like ours, which is not given to letter-writing, we forget what an important part it used to play in people's lives.
 ~saying on Letters by Anatole Broyard

   I think you might dispense with half your doctors if you would only consult Dr. Sun more.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Henry Ward Beecher

   No nice men are good at getting taxis.
 ~drinking by Katherine Whitehorn, the Observer, 1977

   Some folks wear their halos much too tight.
 ~sayings about drinking by Author Unknown

   God is the perfect poet.
 ~quotes about Poetry by Robert Browning

   Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

   Panic at the thought of doing a thing is a challenge to do it.
 ~saying on Fear by Henry S. Haskins

   There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Clarence Darrow, 1936

   Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.
 ~drinking by Roger Lewin

   I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
 ~sayings about drinking by Raymond Chandler

   I'd like mornings better if they started later.
 ~quotes about Mornings by Author Unknown

   I demand of you, and of the whole world, that you show me a generic character... by which to distinguish between Man and Ape. I myself most assuredly know of none.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Carl Linnaeus, 1788

   It is the little writer rather than the great writer who seems never to quote, and the reason is that he is never really doing anything else.
 ~saying on Quotations by Havelock Ellis

   I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it
 ~funny drinking quotes by Steven Wright

   I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world.
 ~drinking by Thomas A. Edison

   A gentleman need not know Latin, but he should at least have forgotten it.
 ~sayings about drinking by Brander Matthews

   Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.
 ~quotes about Animal Rights by Albert Schweitzer

   A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Oliver W. Holmes, Sr.

   Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
 ~saying on Learning by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

   Love is not singular except in syllable
 ~funny drinking quotes by Marvin Taylor

   No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step.
 ~drinking by Author Unknown

   Our country is not the only thing to which we owe our allegianceIt is also owed to justice and to humanityPatriotism consists not in waving the flag, but in striving that our country shall be righteous as well as strong
 ~sayings about drinking by James Bryce

   The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income
 ~quotes about Retirement by George Foreman

   I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot
 ~funny drinking quotes by Gary Hart

   I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.
 ~saying on Attitude by Author Unknown

   To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.
 ~funny drinking quotes by E.W. Howe

   It will never be possible by pure reason to arrive at some absolute truth.
 ~drinking by Werner Heisenberg, Physics and Philosophy

   Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
 ~sayings about drinking by Robert Byrne

   If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.
 ~quotes about Censorship by John Stuart Mill, On Liberty, 1859

   The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles?
 ~funny drinking quotes by John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson, 20 June 1815

   The hypocrite's crime is that he bears false witness against himself. What makes it so plausible to assume that hypocrisy is the vice of vices is that integrity can indeed exist under the cover of all other vices except this one. Only crime and the criminal, it is true, confront us with the perplexity of radical evil; but only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
 ~saying on Hypocrisy by Hannah Arendt, On Revolution, 1963

   If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Jack Nicholson

   Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.
 ~drinking by Edwin Way Teale

   When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
 ~sayings about drinking by Author Unknown

   Mathematics may be defined as the economy of counting. There is no problem in the whole of mathematics which cannot be solved by direct counting.
 ~quotes about Math by Ernst Mach

   This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
 ~funny drinking quotes by George Carlin, on Saturday Night Live

   A weed is but an unloved flower.
 ~saying on Weeds by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

   Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace.
 ~funny drinking quotes by Marianne Williamson, A Woman's Worth

   Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
 ~drinking by Aldous Huxley


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