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funny confucius quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave
 ~quotes about Patriotic by Elmer Davis

   Death ends a life, not a relationship
 ~funny confucius quotes by Jack Lemmon

   Who sees all beings in his own Self, and his own Self in all beings, loses all fear.
 ~saying on Equality Difference by Isa Upanishad

   Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Agnes Repplier

   Invent a past for the present.
 ~confucius by Daniel Stern

   It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterwards.
 ~sayings about confucius by Baltasar Gracian

   Scrapbooking fills my days - not to mention my living room, bedroom and closets!
 ~quotes about Scrapbooking by Author Unknown

   Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Danny Kaye

   Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.
 ~saying on Philosophical by Henri Louis Bergson

   Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork involved when your house lands on a witch
 ~funny confucius quotes by Dave James

   Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
 ~confucius by Chinese Proverb

   The joy of meeting pays the pangs of absence; else who could bear it?
 ~sayings about confucius by Nicholas Rowe

   God made everything out of nothing. But the nothingness shows through.
 ~quotes about Miscellaneous by Paul Valéry, Mauvaises pensées et autres, 1942

   You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Kahlil Gibran

   God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
 ~saying on Birds by Jacques Deval, Afin de vivre bel et bien

   Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Homer Simpson

   Bass fishermen watch Monday night football, drink beer, drive pickup trucks and prefer noisy women with big breasts. Trout fishermen watch MacNeil-Lehrer, drink white wine, drive foreign cars with passenger-side air bags and hardly think about women at all. This last characteristic may have something to do with the fact that trout fishermen spend most of the time immersed up to the thighs in ice-cold water.
 ~confucius by Author Unknown

   If food is your best friend, it's also your worst enemy.
 ~sayings about confucius by Grandpa Edward Jones, 1978

   No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.
 ~quotes about Honesty by Abraham Lincoln

   True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.
 ~funny confucius quotes by William Penn

   Prejudices subsist in people's imagination long after they have been destroyed by their experience.
 ~saying on Prejudice by Ernest Dimnet

   Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Lowell

   Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.
 ~confucius by Woody Allen

   Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
 ~sayings about confucius by Robert Heinlein

   Wait, I just remembered something! You're boring and my legs work
 ~quotes about Celebrity by David Spade

   A free press can be good or bad, but, most certainly, without freedom a press will never be anything but bad.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Albert Camus

   A leader or a man of action in a crisis almost always acts subconsciously and then thinks of the reasons for his action.
 ~saying on Intuition by Jawaharlal Nehru

   Go ahead and squander your chi. But I guarantee you heaven isn't in Miss March's pussy.... Heaven is on the other side of that feeling you get when you're sitting on the couch and you get up and make a triple-decker sandwich. It's on the other side of that, when you don't make the sandwich. It's about sacrifice.... It's about giving up the things that basically keep you from feeling. That's what I believe, anyway. I'm always asking, What am I going to give up next? Because I want to feel.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Jim Carrey, from a Michael Fleming interview in the March 2004 issue of Playboy magazine

   I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile.
 ~confucius by Tom Clark

   It is easy to understand God as long as you don't try to explain him.
 ~sayings about confucius by Joseph Joubert

   The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
 ~quotes about Life by Robert Byrne

   Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Isadora Duncan

   Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known
 ~saying on Adversity by Garrison Keillor

   Inspiration: a peculiar effect of divine flatulence emitted by the Holy Spirit which hisses into the ears of a few chosen of God.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Voltaire

   If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from?
 ~confucius by Author Unknown

   Suppose, however, that God did give this law to the Jews, and did tell them that whenever a man preached a heresy, or proposed to worship any other God that they should kill him; and suppose that afterward this same God took upon himself flesh, and came to this very chosen people and taught a different religion, and that thereupon the Jews crucified him; I ask you, did he not reap exactly what he had sown? What right would this god have to complain of a crucifixion suffered in accordance with his own command?
 ~sayings about confucius by Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 2

   Never measure your progress by your income, but by your bank account. Remember the man in the mirror at 70 or 80.
 ~quotes about Wealth by

   Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Author Unknown

   Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as not to injure future ones
 ~saying on Future by Seneca

   Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Zig Ziglar

   If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
 ~confucius by Aristotle Onassis

   There are those who are so scrupulously afraid of doing wrong that they seldom venture to do anything.
 ~sayings about confucius by Vauvenargues

   Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.
 ~quotes about Attitude by William A. Ward

   Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that humor excites in those who lack it.
 ~funny confucius quotes by George Saintsbury

   There are twelve hours in the day, and above fifty in the night.
 ~saying on Sleep by Marie de Rabutin-Chantal

   The great thought, the great concern, the great anxiety of men is to restrict, as much as possible, the limits of their own responsibility.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Giosué Borsi

   By all means use sometimes to be alone. Salute thyself; see what thy soul doth wear.
 ~confucius by George Herbert

   Blessed is he who has found his right work; let him ask no further blessings.
 ~sayings about confucius by

   While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate
 ~quotes about Sweetest Day by Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

   Perfumes are the feelings of flowers.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Heinrich Heine, The Hartz Journey

   The surest way to be alone is to get married.
 ~saying on Marriage by Gloria Steinem

   Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead, learn the trade
 ~funny confucius quotes by Attributed to both James Charlton and H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

   I'm not a cheerleader. I'm an athletic supporter.
 ~confucius by Author Unknown

   I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.
 ~sayings about confucius by W. Somerset Maugham

   Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
 ~quotes about Attitude by Author Unknown

   Life shouldn't be printed on dollar bills.
 ~funny confucius quotes by Clifford Odets

   Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, being you just the answers you need just the minute you need them.
 ~saying on Jewelry by Richard Bach

   The friendship that can cease has never been real
 ~funny confucius quotes by Saint Jerome

   When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.
 ~confucius by Author unknown, from a television commercial


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