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funny confucius quote generated randomly from our collections

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   The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
 ~quotes about Dieting by Author Unknown

   Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
 ~funny confucius quote by Irwin Corey

   To the lamp of love: may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial.
 ~saying on Blessings by Author Unknown

   Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
 ~funny confucius quote by John Galsworthy

   I think I should not go far wrong if I asserted that the amount of genuine leisure available in a society is generally in inverse proportion to the amount of labor-saving machinery it employs.
 ~confucius by E.F. Schumacher

   There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody.
 ~sayings about confucius by Florynce Kennedy

   The only Zen you can find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
 ~quotes about Philosophical by Robert M. Pirsig

   Very little is known about the War of 1812 because the Americans lost it.
 ~funny confucius quote by Eric Nicol

   As for my next book, I am going to hold myself from writing it till I have it impending in me: grown heavy in my mind like a ripe pear; pendant, gravid, asking to be cut or it will fall.
 ~saying on Writing by Virginia Woolf

   Every path hath a puddle.
 ~funny confucius quote by George Herbert, Jacula Prudentum

   Open your heart - open it wide; someone is standing outside.
 ~confucius by Quoted in Believe: A Christmas Treasury by Mary Engelbreit

   What is one to say about June, the time of perfect young summer, the fulfillment of the promise of the earlier months, and with as yet no sign to remind one that its fresh young beauty will ever fade.
 ~sayings about confucius by Gertrude Jekyll

   Envy slays itself by its own arrows.
 ~quotes about Jealousy by Author Unknown

   It frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
 ~funny confucius quote by Groucho Marx

   Mediocrity is a hand-rail.
 ~saying on Confidence by Charles Louis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu, Mes pensées

   But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.
 ~funny confucius quote by George Orwell

   Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes, and adversity is not without comforts and hopes.
 ~confucius by Francis Bacon

   There is no education like adversity
 ~sayings about confucius by Disraeli

   Many of us are equal to life's emergencies who cannot bear its day-after-dayness.
 ~quotes about Life by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   (Referring to a glass of water) I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody
 ~funny confucius quote by Steven Wright

   In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day
 ~saying on Adversity by F. Scott Fitzgerald

   Nothing hits harder nor sticks longer than a wise timely tip.
 ~funny confucius quote by

   Between a man and his wife nothing ought to rule but love.
 ~confucius by William Penn

   When we Indians kill meat, we eat it all up.... When we build houses, we make little holes. When we burn grass for grasshoppers, we don't ruin things. We shake down acorns and pinenuts. We don't chop down the trees.
 ~sayings about confucius by Wintu Indian, quoted in Julian Burger, The Gaia Atlas of First Peoples, 1990

   Union gives strength.
 ~quotes about Relationship by Aesop

   Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.
 ~funny confucius quote by Margaret Fuller

   Words of kindness are more powerful than cruel swords.
 ~saying on Kindness by Jose B. Cabajar

   When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
 ~funny confucius quote by Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

   Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive
 ~confucius by Havelock Ellis

   Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
 ~sayings about confucius by Paula Poundstone

   I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
 ~quotes about Famous Saying by Cicero

   I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
 ~funny confucius quote by Author Unknown

   Those who do not think about the future cannot have one.
 ~saying on Attitude by Brian Tracy

   All you need is love
 ~funny confucius quote by John Lennon

   Women are like dogs really. They love like dogs, a little insistently. And they like to fetch and carry and come back wistfully after hard words, and learn rather easily to carry a basket.
 ~confucius by Mary Roberts Rinehart

   We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.
 ~sayings about confucius by Albert Einstein

   If we resist our passions, it is more because of their weakness than because of our strength.
 ~quotes about Self-Control by François, duc de La Rochefoucauld

   There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time.
 ~funny confucius quote by Napoleon I, Maxims, 1815

   We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
 ~saying on Food by Alfred E. Newman

   Virtues are dangerous as vices insofar as they are allowed to rule over one as authorities and not as qualities one develops oneself.
 ~funny confucius quote by Friedrich Nietzsche

   What we are is God's gift to usWhat we become is our gift to God
 ~confucius by Eleanor Powell

   Road sense is the offspring of courtesy and the parent of safety.
 ~sayings about confucius by Australian Traffic Rule, quoted in Quotations for Special Occasions by Maud van Buren

   Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.
 ~quotes about Manners by Maurice Baring

   We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.
 ~funny confucius quote by Edward R. Murrow

   He who opens a school door, closes a prison
 ~saying on Teacher Appreciation by Victor Hugo

   Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow.
 ~funny confucius quote by Monica Edwards

   What would constitute useful history? That which should teach us our duties and our rights, without appearing to teach them.
 ~confucius by Voltaire, Philosophical Dictionary

   Forget every evil or insult; remember every kindness.
 ~sayings about confucius by

   I don't paint things. I only paint the difference between things.
 ~quotes about Art by Henri Matisse

   The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence.
 ~funny confucius quote by Edward Thomas

   A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide.
 ~saying on Puns by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, 1858

   The public blabbers about preventative medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure.
 ~funny confucius quote by Martin H. Fischer

   What you can't get out of, get into wholeheartedly.
 ~confucius by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   If all the rich people in the world divided up their money amongst themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around
 ~sayings about confucius by Christina Stead

   Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
 ~quotes about Simplicity by Albert Einstein

   My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
 ~funny confucius quote by Phyllis Diller

   Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.
 ~saying on Living by Albert Schweitzer

   There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death.
 ~funny confucius quote by Kenneth Patchen

   I love you not as something private and personal, which is my own, but as something universal and worthy of love which I have found
 ~confucius by Henry David Thoreau


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