funny christmas sayings and quotations on christmas sayings

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funny christmas sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids.
 ~quotes about American football by Chuck Mills

   When I believe in nothing I do not want to meet you when you believe in nothing.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Heaven is blessed with perfect rest but the blessing of earth is toil
 ~saying on Labor Day by Henry van Dyke

   Blow out, you bugles, over the rich Dead!, There's none of these so lonely and poor of old,But, dying, has made us rarer gifts than gold.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Rupert Brooke

   It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can
 ~christmas by Sydney Smith

   You can tear a poem apart to see what makes it tick.... You're back with the mystery of having been moved by words. The best craftsmanship always leaves holes and gaps... so that something that is not in the poem can creep, crawl, flash or thunder in.
 ~sayings about christmas by Dylan Thomas, Poetic Manifesto, 1961

   The richest person in the world - in fact all the riches in the world - couldn't provide you with anything like the endless, incredible loot available at your local library.
 ~quotes about Libraries by Malcolm Forbes

   The study of history is the playground of patriotism.
 ~funny christmas sayings by George M. Wrong

   I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
 ~saying on Driving by Author Unknown

   Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Author Unknown

   I listen to feminists and all these radical gals - most of them are failures. They've blown it. Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men - that's their problem.
 ~christmas by Jerry Falwell

   They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person.
 ~sayings about christmas by Arthur Schopenhauer

   A teacher's task is to Poke, Provoke to a Reaction, Confront and Elevate.
 ~quotes about Growth by Yogi Bhajan

   A woman should be an illusion.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Ian Fleming

   Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns.
 ~saying on Animal Rights by William S. Gilbert

   Chair pose is a defiance of spirit, showing how high you can reach even when you're forced down. Your character is unleashed - you won't take anything sitting down.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Terri Guillemets

   If you wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes. If you don't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes.
 ~christmas by Senegalese Proverb

   The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
 ~sayings about christmas by Slappy White

   Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope
 ~quotes about Patriot Day by Author Unknown

   The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them
 ~funny christmas sayings by Karl Marx

   The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of a gun.
 ~saying on Animal Rights by P.G. Wodehouse

   When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Cecil Selig

   I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.
 ~christmas by Brent Musburger

   There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.
 ~sayings about christmas by Christopher Morley

   The best way to break a bad habit is to drop it.
 ~quotes about Habits by Leo Aikman

   Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
 ~funny christmas sayings by Robert Orben

   Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
 ~saying on Fear by Marie Curie

   What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
 ~funny christmas sayings by Erma Bombeck

   Of all our infirmities, the most savage is to despise our being.
 ~christmas by Michel de Montaigne

   Past and to come, seems best; things present, worse
 ~sayings about christmas by William Shakespeare, Henry IV

   My religious position: I think that God could do a lot better, and I'm willing to give Him the chance.
 ~quotes about Religion by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Mark Twain

   People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile.
 ~saying on Smiles by Lee Mildon

   For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Albert Camus

   Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
 ~christmas by James Matthew Barrie

   The secret to friendship is being a good listener
 ~sayings about christmas by Unknown

   Our kindness may be the most persuasive argument for that which we believe.
 ~quotes about Humor by Gordon B. Hinckley

   My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Henny Youngman

   The old theory was Marry an older man, because they're more mature. But the new theory is: Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
 ~saying on Men by Rita Rudner

   I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
 ~funny christmas sayings by G.K. Chesterton

   A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
 ~christmas by Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911

   The historian has before him a jigsaw puzzle from which many pieces have disappeared. These gaps can be filled only by his imagination.
 ~sayings about christmas by Gaetano Salvemini, Historian and Scientist

   One can write, think and pray exclusively of others; dreams are all egocentric.
 ~quotes about Dreams by Evelyn Waugh

   It kills you to see them grow upBut I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't
 ~funny christmas sayings by Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

   Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop
 ~saying on Labor Day by Ovid

   A man’s best fortune, or his worst, is his wife. Ditto for wife’s husband.
 ~funny christmas sayings by

   Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth.
 ~christmas by Henry David Thoreau

   Go and wake up your luck. Persian Saying
 ~sayings about christmas by

   Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
 ~quotes about Men by Jerry Seinfeld

   To him in whom love dwells, the whole world is but one family.
 ~funny christmas sayings by Buddha

   You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience
 ~saying on Birthdays by Author Unknown

   There are two kinds of light - the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures.
 ~funny christmas sayings by James Thurber

   I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down.
 ~christmas by Allen H. Neuharth

   Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
 ~sayings about christmas by Robert Orben

   I know God will not give me anything I can't handleI just wish that He didn't trust me so much
 ~quotes about Adversity by Mother Teresa

   It is good to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that all its shy presences may haunt you and possess you in a reverie of suspended thought.
 ~funny christmas sayings by James Douglas, Down Shoe Lane

   A man hasn't got a corner on virtue just because his shoes are shined.
 ~saying on Virtue by Anne Petry

    Don't worry about what's ahead. Just go as far as you can go - from there you can see farther
 ~funny christmas sayings by David Letterman

   Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
 ~christmas by Oscar Wilde


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