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funny celebrity quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
 ~quotes about Food by Fred Allen

   To insult someone we call him bestial. For deliberate cruelty and nature, human might be the greater insult.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988

   God made the country, and man made the town.
 ~saying on Cities by William Cowper, The Task, 1785

   Happiness for the average person may be said to flow largely from common sense -- adapting one-self to circumstances -- and a sense of humor
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Beatrice Lillie

   The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.
 ~celebrity by Margo Kaufman

   Sometimes, in a summer morning, having taken my accustomed bath, I sat in my sunny doorway from sunrise till noon, rapt in reverie.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Henry David Thoreau

   I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
 ~quotes about Marriage by Marie Corelli

   I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but that doesn't work.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Author Unknown

   Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
 ~saying on Growth by Dale Carnegie

   If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Bishop Desmond Tutu

   By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out.
 ~celebrity by Author Unknown

   The virtues, like the Muses, are always seen in groups. A good principle was never found solitary in any breast.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Buddha

   You write to communicate to the hearts and minds of others what's burning inside you. And we edit to let the fire show through the smoke.
 ~quotes about Writing by Arthur Polotnik

   He conquers who endures.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Persius

   Teenagers complain there's nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.
 ~saying on Teenagers by Bob Phillips

   Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Auntie Mame

   There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
 ~celebrity by Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

   Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Elbert Hubbard

   The dream follows the interpretation
 ~quotes about Dreams by The Talmud

   If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

   Never raise your hand to your kidsIt leaves your groin unprotected
 ~saying on Mothers Day by Red Buttons

   Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Alice Walker

   The enthusiastic, to those who are not, are always something of a trial.
 ~celebrity by Alban Goodier

   So long as we can lose any happiness, we possess some.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Booth Tarkington

   Cooperation is the thorough conviction that nobody can get there unless everybody gets there
 ~quotes about Unity by Virginia Burden, The Process of Intuition

   I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Stuart Pearce

   They can because they think they can.

 ~saying on Success by Virgil

   Every uniform corrupts one's character.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Max Frisch

   Far more seemly were it for thee to have thy study full of books, than thy purse full of money.
 ~celebrity by John Lyly

   I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Dwight Eisenhower

   Failure seems to be regarded as the one unpardonable crime, success as the all-redeeming virtue, the acquisition of wealth as the single worthy aim of life. The hair-raising revelations of skullduggery and grand-scale thievery merely incite others to surpass by yet bolder outrages and more corrupt combinations.
 ~quotes about Society by Charles Francis Adams

   Practise doesn't make perfect, not is it supposed to. Practise is about increasing your repertoire of ways to recover from your mistakes.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by

   A living civilization creates; a dying, builds museums.
 ~saying on Civilization by Martin H. Fischer

   Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Mark Twain

   What a child doesn't receive he can seldom later give.
 ~celebrity by P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest

   I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Henry Moore

   If two or three persons should come with a high spiritual aim and with great powers, the world would fall into their hands like a ripe peach.
 ~quotes about Leadership by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Edward Everett Hale

   On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
 ~saying on Men by Bruce Willis, on the difference between men and women

   Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by George Bernard Shaw

   Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.
 ~celebrity by Richard Whately

   Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Author Unknown

   I suppose that leadership at one time meant muscle; but today it means getting along with people.
 ~quotes about Leadership by Indira Gandhi

   Thousands have gone to heaven who never read one page of the Bible.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Francis A. Baker

   To fulfill your dream, you need to make a commitment to work at until it becomes another feather in your cap. Without total commitment, nothing in the world can change you. Without unwavering commitment to improve, no learning system in the world can advance your life. Without sacrificial commitment, you cannot master life’s forces and attain heights of achievements.
 ~saying on Success by Anthony Robbins

   There is in every true woman’s heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Elisabeth Guizot

   Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.
 ~celebrity by Leo Buscaglia

   Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Edna St. Vincent Millay

   I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf.
 ~quotes about Drugs by Tug McGraw, when asked if he preferred grass or artificial turf, 1974

   God punishes us mildly by ignoring our prayers and severely by answering them.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Richard J. Needham

   Nothing is not only nothing. It is also our prison.
 ~saying on Hawww by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting, it may not be logical but it is often true
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Mr. Spock, Star Trek

   Have the courage to face a difficulty lest it kick you harder than you bargained for.
 ~celebrity by Stanislaus I, Maxims

   Behind every successful woman... is a substantial amount of coffee.
 ~sayings about celebrity by Stephanie Piro

   Psychoanalysis is a technique we practice at our cost; psychoanalysis degrades our risks, our dangers, our depths; it strips us of our impurities, of all that made us curious about ourselves.
 ~quotes about Psychology by E.M. Cioran

   With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well too
 ~funny celebrity quotes by Yiddish Proverb

   A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.
 ~saying on Time by John B. Priestly

   There is nothing so desperately monotonous as the sea, and I no longer wonder at the cruelty of pirates.
 ~funny celebrity quotes by James Russell Lowell

   History begins in novel and ends in essay.
 ~celebrity by Thomas Babington Macaulay


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