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funny ass saying generated randomly from our collections

famous irish quote,good morning quote,inspirational phone messages,funny baby sayings,inspirational birthday quotes,

   That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over 60 feet of peanut brittle.
 ~quotes about Golf by Lloyd Mangrum, about Bobby Locke

   Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
 ~funny ass saying by Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

   Death, the sable smoke where vanishes the flame.
 ~saying on Death by George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

   Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter
 ~funny ass saying by Author Unknown

   The tactical difference between Association Football and Rugby with its varieties seems to be that in the former the ball is the missile, in the latter men are the missiles.
 ~ass by Alfred E. Crawley, The Book of the Ball, 1913

   It is awfully important to know what is and what is not your business
 ~sayings about ass by Gertrude Stein

   Gratitude is the memory of the heart
 ~quotes about Thank You. by Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

   When neither their property nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.
 ~funny ass saying by Niccolo Machiavelli

   If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon shots.
 ~saying on Peace by Napoleon Bonaparte

   A visitor from Mars could easily pick out the civilized nations. They have the best implements of war.
 ~funny ass saying by Herbert V. Prochnow

   Credit lengthens life; debt shorten its. To live long, avoid debt.
 ~ass by

   Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.
 ~sayings about ass by R.E. Shay

   Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise.
 ~quotes about Promises by Author Unknown

   While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself.
 ~funny ass saying by Doug Horton

   If there existed no external means for dimming their consciences, one-half of the men would at once shoot themselves, because to live contrary to one's reason is a most intolerable state, and all men of our time are in such a state.
 ~saying on Hypocrisy by Leo Tolstoy, The Kingdom of God Is Within You

   All that proves is that most of the world is too poor to build bowling alleys, golf courses, tennis courts and baseball fields. There's hundreds of millions of poor people out there who still ain't got indoor plumbing, but that don't mean there's something great about an outhouse. Soccer is boring. I've never seen a more boring sport.
 ~funny ass saying by Mike Royko, 1994

   The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love.
 ~ass by Bryant Gumbel, 1981

   We Americans have no commission from God to police the world.
 ~sayings about ass by Benjamin Harrison, address to Congress, 1888

   The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants
 ~quotes about Christmas by John Andrew Holmes

   Whenever you fall, pick something up.
 ~funny ass saying by Oswald Avery

   You're always in either first or fifth, but you know there's a lot of great gears in between.
 ~saying on Self-Discovery by Tony to Angela on Who's The Boss

   Taught from infancy that beauty is woman's sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison.
 ~funny ass saying by Mary Wollstonecraft

   We hear the beating of wings over Bethlehem and a light that is not of the sun or of the stars shines in the midnight skyLet the beauty of the story take away all narrowness, all thought of formal creedsLet it be remembered as a story that has happened ag
 ~ass by New York Times, 25 December 1937, quoted in Quotations for Special Occasions by Maud van Buren, 193

   While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.
 ~sayings about ass by Leonardo Da Vinci

   People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one
 ~quotes about Baby by Leo J. Burke

   Television is not the Truth. Television is god-damned amusement park. Television is a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, storytellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers and football players. We're in the boredom killing business.
 ~funny ass saying by Paddy Chayevsky

   The souls of emperors and cobblers are cast in the same mold.... The same reason that makes us wrangle with a neighbour causes a war betwixt princes.
 ~saying on Equality Difference by Michel de Montaigne, translated

   Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage.
 ~funny ass saying by Marcelene Cox

   To fish for praise sow the seeds: friendly words and kindly deeds.
 ~ass by

   The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work.
 ~sayings about ass by

   Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
 ~quotes about Stress by Ovid

   I... wonder what it is in the New York air that enables me to sit up till all hours of the night in an atmosphere which in London would make a horse dizzy, but here merely clears the brain.
 ~funny ass saying by James Agate

   We kill because we are afraid of our own shadow, afraid that if we used a little common sense we'd have to admit that our glorious principles were wrong.
 ~saying on War by Henry Miller, The Wisdom of the Heart, 1941

   Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in?
 ~funny ass saying by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Representative Men, 1850

   It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and resolve all doubt.
 ~ass by Abraham Lincoln

   One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds.
 ~sayings about ass by Dan Bennett

   What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
 ~quotes about Jesus Christ by Author Unknown

   Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.
 ~funny ass saying by Barbara Jordan

   Who covets more, is evermore a slave.
 ~saying on Consumerism by Robert Herrick

   A man can never be idle with safety and advantage until he has been so trained by work that he makes his freedom from times and tasks more fruitful than his toil has been.
 ~funny ass saying by Hamilton Wright Mabie

   One of the misfortunes of our time is that in getting rid of false shame, we have killed off so much real shame as well.
 ~ass by Louis Kronenberger, Company Manners, 1954

   I swing before your eyes as a bright gleam of color, a symbol of yourself, the pictured suggestion of that big thing which makes this nationMy stars and my stripes are your dream and your laborsThey are bright with cheer, brilliant with courage, firm with
 ~sayings about ass by Franklin Knight Lane

   Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.
 ~quotes about Heartache by Author Unknown

   The control man has secured over nature has far outrun his control over himself.
 ~funny ass saying by Ernest Jones, The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud, 1953

   We plan, we toil, we suffer - in the hope of what? A camel-load of idol's eyes? The title deeds of Radio City? The empire of Asia? A trip to the moon? No, no, no, no. Simply to wake just in time to smell coffee and bacon and eggs.
 ~saying on Food by J.B. Priestly

   A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch.
 ~funny ass saying by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas
 ~ass by Kin Hubbard

   Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy
 ~sayings about ass by Author Unknown

   Every man has a mob self and an individual self, in varying proportions.
 ~quotes about Self by D.H. Lawrence, Pornography and Obscenity

   The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
 ~funny ass saying by H.G. Wells, Bealby, 1915

   When the fight begins within himself, a man's worth something.
 ~saying on Self by Robert Browning, Bishop Blougram's Apology

   Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand
 ~funny ass saying by Margery Williams The Velveteen Rabbit

   He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts - for support rather than for illumination.
 ~ass by Andrew Lang

   I always fear that creation will expire before teatime.
 ~sayings about ass by Sydney Smith

   With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
 ~quotes about Perseverance by Thomas Foxwell Buxton

   Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
 ~funny ass saying by Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

   Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you
 ~saying on Age by Bennett Cerf

   This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.
 ~funny ass saying by Elmer Davis

   Instead of counting your days, make your days count.
 ~ass by Author Unknown


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