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funny anchorman quote generated randomly from our collections

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   Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility
 ~quotes about Comedy by James Thurber

   It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on!
 ~funny anchorman quote by Author Unknown

   The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.
 ~saying on Living by Abraham Lincoln

   You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Charles Kuralt

   An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.
 ~anchorman by Author Unknown

   If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
 ~sayings about anchorman by Thomas Alva Edison

   How many does it take to metamorphose wickedness into righteousness? One man must not kill. If he does, it is murder.... But a state or nation may kill as many as they please, and it is not murder. It is just, necessary, commendable, and right. Only get people enough to agree to it, and the butchery of myriads of human beings is perfectly innocent. But how many does it take?
 ~quotes about Violence by Adin Ballou, The Non-Resistant, 5 February 1845

   Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Ambrose Bierce

   Widespread caffeine use explains a lot about the twentieth century.
 ~saying on Society by Greg Egan, Distress

   The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
 ~funny anchorman quote by William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

   Talk doesn't cook rice.
 ~anchorman by Chinese Proverb

   Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value
 ~sayings about anchorman by Albert Einstein

   I have my own little world, but it's okay - they know me here.
 ~quotes about Sanity by Author Unknown

   A new friendship is like an unripened fruit - it may become either an orange or a lemon
 ~funny anchorman quote by Emma Stacey

   Climb the mountains and get their good tidingsNature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into treesThe winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves
 ~saying on Earth Day by John Muir

   First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly
 ~funny anchorman quote by Branch Rickey

   If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.
 ~anchorman by Michel de Montaigne

   The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on
 ~sayings about anchorman by Elbert Hubbard

   I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It's a bargain.
 ~quotes about Grandparents by Gene Perret

   I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Neil Armstrong on jogging, in an interview with Walter Cronkite

   Guilt is a rope that wears thin.
 ~saying on Happiness by Ayn Rand

   Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968

   Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
 ~anchorman by Jane Howard

   Whether he likes it or not, a man’s character is stripped at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life.
 ~sayings about anchorman by Anthony Holden

   Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
 ~quotes about Age by Robert Southey, The Doctor

   Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Peter Ustinov

   Courage is knowing what not to fear.
 ~saying on Courage by Plato

   He that uses many words for the explaining any subject doth, like the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink.
 ~funny anchorman quote by John Ray

   The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling.
 ~anchorman by Lucretius

   The good writing of any age has always been the product of someone's neurosis, and we'd have a mighty dull literature if all the writers that came along were a bunch of happy chuckleheads.
 ~sayings about anchorman by William Styron, interview, Writers at Work, 1958

   It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.
 ~quotes about Sex by Marge Piercy

   You must not know too much, or be too precise or scientific about birds and trees and flowers and water-craft; a certain free margin, and even vagueness - perhaps ignorance, credulity - helps your enjoyment of these things...
 ~funny anchorman quote by Walt Whitman, Specimen Days, Birds - And a Caution (Thank you, Corinne.)

   One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
 ~saying on Speaking by Will Durant

   If... the machine of government... is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Henry David Thoreau, On the Duty of Civil Disobediance, 1849

   Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
 ~anchorman by Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973

   We shall be inclined to pronounce the voyage that led to the way to this New World as the most epoch-making event of all that have occurred since the birth of Christ
 ~sayings about anchorman by John Fiske

   The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
 ~quotes about Jewelry by Salvador Dalí

   Why assume so glibly that the God who presumably created the universe is still running it? It is certainly conceivable that He may have finished it and then turned it over to lesser gods to operate.
 ~funny anchorman quote by H.L. Mencken

   I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.
 ~saying on Smoking by Arturo Toscanini

   Religion seems to have a way of making people abandon logic.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Amanda Baxter

   They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.
 ~anchorman by Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players

   Whatever thrift is, it is not avarice. Avarice is not generous; and, after all, it is the thrifty people who are generous.
 ~sayings about anchorman by Lord Rosebery

   If you're going through hell, keep going
 ~quotes about Adversity by Winston Churchill

   How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
 ~funny anchorman quote by Woody Allen, Selections from the Allen Notebooks, Without Feathers, 1975

   Our country, right or wrongWhen right to be kept right; when wrong to be put right
 ~saying on Patriotic by Carl Schurz

   One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Liz Smith

   If a horse can't eat it, I don't want to play on it.
 ~anchorman by Dick Allen, on artificial turf, 1970

   Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
 ~sayings about anchorman by Doug Larson

   Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians.
 ~quotes about Politics by Charles Krauthammer

   I get by with a little help from my friends
 ~funny anchorman quote by John Lennon

   No one knows what they'll do in a moment of crisis and hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers.
 ~saying on Perspective by Joan Baez, What Would You Do If....?

   Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
 ~funny anchorman quote by George Eliot

   If you haven't had at least a slight poetic crack in the heart, you have been cheated by nature.
 ~anchorman by Phyllis Battelle

   I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn.
 ~sayings about anchorman by C.E. Cowman

   I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
 ~quotes about Food by Woody Allen

   Most men, after a little freedom, have preferred authority with the consoling assurances and the economy of effort which it brings.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Walter Lippmann, A Preface to Morals, 1929

   There must be more to life than having everything!
 ~saying on Consumerism by Maurice Sendak

   What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
 ~funny anchorman quote by Author Unknown

   The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.
 ~anchorman by Adlai Stevenson, speech, New York City, 28 August 1952


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