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Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink. Water, water everywhere, Nor any drop to drink Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented! The artist is the opposite of the politically minded individual, the opposite of the reformer, the opposite of the idealist. The artist does not tinker with the universe, he recreates it out of his own experience and understanding of life. I'll tell you a big secret, my friend: Don't wait for the Last Judgment. It happens every day. No town can fail of beauty, though its walks were gutters and its houses hovels, if venerable trees make magnificent colonnades along its streets. The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shockproof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it. The more humanity advances, the more it is degraded. Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting. I have made it a rule of my life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in. The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone. When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell. That is why we dread children, even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay. In memory's telephoto lens, far objects are magnified. Grasp your opportunities, no matter how poor your health; nothing is worse for your health than boredom. Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it. Thinking in its lower grades is comparable to paper money, and in its higher forms it is a kind of poetry. What other dungeon is so dark as one's own heart! What jailer so inexorable as one's self. Poverty, Frost, Famine, Rain, Disease, are the beadles and guardsmen that hold us to Common Sense. The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe. To ridicule philosophy is really to philosophize. Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other causes for prejudice by noon. Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them. A frustrated chicken should not vote for Colonel Sanders. [H]istory is a melodrama on the theme of parasitism, characterized by scenes that are exciting or dull, as the case may be, and many a sudden stagetrick. A great part of life consists in contemplating what we cannot cure. I never question what to do, it tells me what to do. The photographs make themselves with my help. He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper. [U]sefulness is happiness, and... all other things are but incidental. A hundred men together are the hundredth part of a man. Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it. All man's troubles come from not knowing how to sit still in one room. A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. The Internet is the world's largest library. It's just that all the books are on the floor. Woman was God's second mistake. I didn't know I had a quarrel with him. Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness. Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgment. To labor is to pray. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese Science is a cemetery of dead ideas. My husband lets me have all the scrapbooking supplies I can hide. [History is] that terrible mill in which sawdust rejoins sawdust. God created us, but he gave us the power of choice to shape our own lives and fortunes. Travelers never think that they are the foreigners. Black Power alone is no more insurance against social injustice than white power Jefferson thought schools would produce free men: we prove him right by putting dropouts in jail. I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you. I'm sixty years of ageThat's 16 Celsius Dead upon the field of glory,, Hero fit for song and story. You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his funny bone. God has given you one face, and you make yourself another. A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials. Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, She doesn't have what it takes. They will say, Women don't have what it takes. I but know that I love thee, whatever thou art. 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