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free funny quote generated randomly from our collections

friendship quotes for profile,love poem quote,cool friendship quotes,good teen quote,first love quote,

   [A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.
 ~quotes about Heartache by T.E. Kalem

   Each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality, tragically divided against ourselves.
 ~free funny quote by Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

   A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.
 ~saying on Horses by Ian Fleming

   New York is to the nation what the white church spire is to the village - the visible symbol of aspiration and faith, the white plume saying the way is up!
 ~free funny quote by E.B. White

   But mathematics is the sister, as well as the servant, of the arts and is touched with the same madness and genius.
 ~free by Harold Marston Morse

   Come live in my heart and pay no rent.
 ~sayings about free by Samuel Lover

   I don't think it is so much the actual bath that most cats dislike; I think it's the fact that they have to spend a good part of the day putting their hair back in place.
 ~quotes about Cats by Debbie Peterson

   Don't laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his own.
 ~free funny quote by Logan Pearsall Smith, Age and Death, Afterthoughts, 1931

   It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
 ~saying on Food by Lewis Grizzard

   A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie
 ~free funny quote by Tenneva Jordan

   Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new after all.
 ~free by Abraham Lincoln

   Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
 ~sayings about free by Minnie Pearl

   You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.
 ~quotes about Wise Words by Leo Aikman

   Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government.
 ~free funny quote by Lenny Bruce

   If wisdom and diamonds grew on the same tree we could soon tell how much men loved wisdom.
 ~saying on Wisdom by Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

   I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.
 ~free funny quote by Sylvia Plath

   If the Lord loveth a cheerful giver, how he must hate the taxpayer!
 ~free by John Andrew Holmes

   We get lost in a fog of abstractions and easily forget that man is a bloodhound sniffing out the real.
 ~sayings about free by Robert C. Pollock

   The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.
 ~quotes about War by George Patton

   Sex is emotion in motion.
 ~free funny quote by Mae West

   We only part to meet again
 ~saying on Goodbye by John Gay

   All other forms of history - economic history, social history, psychological history, above all sociology - seem to me history with the history left out.
 ~free funny quote by A.J.P. Taylor

   You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly
 ~free by Sam Keen

   In the beginning there was nothing. God said, Let there be light! And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
 ~sayings about free by Ellen DeGeneres

   One can enjoy a wood fire worthily only when he warms his thoughts by it as well as his hands and feet.
 ~quotes about Wise Words by Odell Shepherd

   Coward: A man in whom the instinct of self-preservation acts normally.
 ~free funny quote by Sultana Zoraya

   Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!
 ~saying on Christmas by Hamilton Wright Mabie

   Always choose the future over the past. What do we do now?
 ~free funny quote by Brian Tracy

   A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs.
 ~free by Joan Welsh

   Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
 ~sayings about free by Albert Einstein

   It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.
 ~quotes about Education by Robert G. Ingersoll

   Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy ConnersLove is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conno
 ~free funny quote by Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975

   Women keep a special corner of their hearts for sins they have never committed.
 ~saying on Women by Cornelia Otis Skinner

   Our country is not the only thing to which we owe our allegiance. It is also owed to justice and to humanity. Patriotism consists not in waving the flag, but in striving that our country shall be righteous as well as strong.
 ~free funny quote by James Bryce

   Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 ~free by Author Unknown

   I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it.
 ~sayings about free by Sandy Koufax

   Fort Yuma is probably the hottest place on earth. The thermometer stays at one hundred and twenty in the shade there all the time - except when it varies and goes higher. It is a U.S. military post, and its occupants get so used to the terrific heat that they suffer without it. There is a tradition... that a very, very wicked soldier died there, once, and of course, went straight to the hottest corner of perdition, - and the next day he telegraphed back for his blankets.
 ~quotes about Arizona by Mark Twain, Roughing It, 1872, chapter LVI

   Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.
 ~free funny quote by Marlene Dietrich

   If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?
 ~saying on Risk by Aleksander Solzhenitsyn

   I viewed my fellow man not as a fallen angel, but as a risen ape.
 ~free funny quote by Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape

   If you're attempting to create something perfect, I have three words of advice for you: Get over it!
 ~free by Nisandeh Neta

   The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.
 ~sayings about free by George Elliot

   The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs itWhether he's got an abscess on his knee or in his soul
 ~quotes about Adversity by Rona Barrett

   Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not.
 ~free funny quote by James Joyce

   Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
 ~saying on Religion by Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972

   A scholar who loves comfort is not fit to be called a scholar.
 ~free funny quote by Confucius, Analects

   Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.
 ~free by Author Unknown

   God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done.
 ~sayings about free by Author Unknown

   Imagine a survivor of a failed civilization with only a tattered book on aromatherapy for guidance in arresting a cholera epidemic. Yet, such a book would more likely be found amid the debris than a comprehensible medical text
 ~quotes about Books by James Lovelock

   They do not love that do not show their love
 ~free funny quote by John Heywood

   So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.
 ~saying on Marriage by Alexandre Dumas, fils

   To live anywhere in the world today and be against equality because of race or color is like living in Alaska and being against snow
 ~free funny quote by William Faulkner, Essays, Speeches and Public Letters

   Born to golf. Forced to work.
 ~free by Author Unknown

   All we have of freedom, all we use or know - This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.
 ~sayings about free by Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899

   For safety is not a gadget but a state of mind.
 ~quotes about Safety by Eleanor Everet

   Your butt smells like chickenpoo but you sniff it anyway because it's there
 ~free funny quote by

   Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind"Pooh!" he whispered"Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw"I just wanted to be sure of you."
 ~saying on For a Friend by A.A. Milne

   Baseball? It's just a game - as simple as a ball and a bat. Yet, as complex as the American spirit it symbolizes. It's a sport, business - and sometimes even religion.
 ~free funny quote by Ernie Harwell, The Game for All America, 1955

   The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
 ~free by Dave Barry


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