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It is invisible and remains so, maybe for twenty years. It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it. You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap. When the wine goes in, strange things come out All the mistakes I make arise from forsaking my own station and trying to see the object from another person's point of view. Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened Nurses can take the pressure. All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. The concern that some women show at the absence of their husbands, does not arise from their not seeing them and being with them, but from their apprehension that their husbands are enjoying pleasures in which they do not participate, and which, from their being at a distance, they have not the power of interrupting. Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at batThen fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's moundPut first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three togetherOf course, in case of rain, you gott Flip yoga backwards, throw in an n, and you've got agony. I just wish my mouth had a backspace key. Profit in business comes from repeat customers, customers that boast about your project or service, and that bring friends with them I think we may safely trust a good deal more than we do. When we lose God, it is not God who is lost. Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother. Look to this day; for it is life, the very life of life! In its brief span lie all the opportunities of your existence, the bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendor of adventure. Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made. Nothing is more precious than time – nor less valued. It’s richest treasure. Invest it profitably. No man does right by a woman at a party. By gaming we lose both our time and treasure - two things most precious to the life of man. The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. I quote others only in order the better to express myself. Some people skate to the puck. I skate to where the puck is going to be. Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children If you keep your mouth shut you will never put your foot in it. Lady Liberty needs glasses Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another. Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true. Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations. There is always something left to love. And if you haven't learned that, you ain't learned nothing My only fear of death is coming back reincarnated Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something. Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage. Fame is proof that the people are gullible. Success: To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded! Tell me what you read and I'll tell you who you are is true enough, but I'd know you better if you told me what you reread. Strange...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied seventy times seven and invented Hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him! Tennis is an addiction that once it has truly hooked a man will not let him go. When I was twelve, I went hunting with my father and we shot a bird. He was laying there and something struck me. Why do we call this fun to kill this creature [who] was as happy as I was when I woke up this morning. Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome A veteran USDA meat inspector from Texas describes what he has seen: Cattle dragged and choked... knocking 'em four, five, ten times. Every now and then when they're stunned they come back to life, and they're up there agonizing. They're supposed to be re-stunned but sometimes they aren't and they'll go through the skinning process alive. I've worked in four large [slaughterhouses] and a bunch of small ones. They're all the same. If people were to see this, they'd probably feel really bad about it. But in a packing house everybody gets so used to it that it doesn't mean anything. The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. Steeds, steeds, what steeds! Has the whirlwind a home in your manes? Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. In most sciences one generation tears down what another has built and what one has established another undoes. In mathematics alone each generations adds a new story to the old structure. If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it Hold'em - like life itself - has its defining moment. It's the flop. When you see the flop, you're looking at 71 percent of your hand, and the cost is only a single round of betting. A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. 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