famous funny sayings and quotations on funny sayings

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famous funny sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   The artist does not see things as they are, but as he is.
 ~quotes about Art by Alfred Tonnelle

   The most remarkable discovery made by scientists is science itself.
 ~famous funny sayings by Gerard Piel

   Be tolerant. Everybody is fighting a tough battle, just like you.
 ~saying on Friendship by

   Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate?
 ~famous funny sayings by Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch, 1970

   My books are very few, but then the world is before me - a library open to all - from which poverty of purse cannot exclude me - in which the meanest and most paltry volume is sure to furnish something to amuse, if not to instruct and improve.
 ~funny by Joseph Howe, 1824

   I often derive a peculiar satisfaction in conversing with the ancient and modern dead, - who yet live and speak excellently in their works. My neighbors think me often alone, - and yet at such times I am in company with more than five hundred mutes - each of whom, at my pleasure, communicates his ideas to me by dumb signs - quite as intelligently as any person living can do by uttering of words.
 ~sayings about funny by Laurence Sterne

   Baseball is an allegorical play about America, a poetic, complex, and subtle play of courage, fear, good luck, mistakes, patience about fate, and sober self-esteem.
 ~quotes about Baseball by Saul Steinberg

   Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
 ~famous funny sayings by Oscar Wilde

   Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago - the baby, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the avoider.... It doesn't seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we've traveled.
 ~saying on Sisters by Jane Mersky Leder

   Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?
 ~famous funny sayings by Rose F. Kennedy

   What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
 ~funny by Aristotle

   Our government... teaches the whole people by its example. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy.
 ~sayings about funny by Justice Louis Dembitz Brandeis

   We are the prisoners of history. Or are we?
 ~quotes about History by Robert Penn Warren, Segregation

   Some things have to be believed to be seen.
 ~famous funny sayings by Ralph Hodgson, The Skylark and Other Poems

   Not using faults does not mean that one does not have them.
 ~saying on Self-Control by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it.
 ~famous funny sayings by Author Unknown

   If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud.
 ~funny by Anonymous

   Patience is the companion of wisdom.
 ~sayings about funny by St. Augustine

   Thrift was never more necessary in the world's history than it is today.
 ~quotes about Thrift by Francis H. Sisson

   What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman in the midst of this world, where each person is clinging to his piece of debris? What's the proper salutation between people as they pass each other in this flood?
 ~famous funny sayings by Buddha

   While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see.
 ~saying on Photography by Dorothea Lange

   When you take dancing lessons, you learn steps and you learn steps and you learn steps. It can go on for a long time. And then one day, you just learn to dance, and it is so different
 ~famous funny sayings by Bill Austin

   Action is the real measure of intelligence.
 ~funny by Napoleon Hill

   Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear.
 ~sayings about funny by William E. Gladstone, 1866

   Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives and the sincerest part of our devotion.
 ~quotes about Prayer by Jonathan Swift

   I have no relish for the country; it is a kind of healthy grave.
 ~famous funny sayings by Sydney Smith

   We seem as a nation to be suffering from a mania for play. The huge development of pleasure-chasing automobiles merely symbolizes our universal restless eagerness to be running after something, anything, that we can classify as diversion. Under pressure from tormenting constituents our legislatures are piling up holidays. And the cry of labor everywhere is Cut down hours; cut down hours, until it seems as if brief, tired minutes were all that would be left for work. The obvious deduction is that work is always something to be got rid of, as if it were a curse. Yet life is work.
 ~saying on Labor by Author unknown, editorial from Labor Digest, June 1922, quoted in Quotations for Special Occasions b

   Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
 ~famous funny sayings by Henny Youngman

   Civilization... wrecks the planet from seafloor to stratosphere.
 ~funny by Richard Bach

   A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
 ~sayings about funny by Finley Peter Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Philosophy, 1900

   Truely man is the king of beasts, for his brutality exceeds theirs. We live by the death of others: we are burial places! I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men such as I will look on the murder of animals as they now look on the murder of men.
 ~quotes about Vegetarianism by Leonardo da Vinci

   Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything.
 ~famous funny sayings by Charles Kuralt, On the Road With Charles Kuralt

   When Jesus comes, the shadows depart.
 ~saying on Jesus Christ by Author unknown, inscription on a Scottish castle

   The heart is a small thing, but desireth great matters. It is not sufficient for a kite's dinner, yet the whole world is not sufficient for it.
 ~famous funny sayings by Francis Quarles, Emblems

   Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sickAlthough we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of t
 ~funny by Susan Sontag, Illness as Metaphor, 1977

   It is not enough to merely leave Egypt. To truly be free of Mitzrayim's grasp, you must emerge from the waters and dance on dry land
 ~sayings about funny by Tziporah

   Suffering is above, not belowAnd everyone thinks that suffering is belowAnd everyone wants to rise
 ~quotes about Adversity by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   Life... is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper.
 ~famous funny sayings by The X-Files

   Most of us would rather be ruined by praise than helped by criticism.
 ~saying on Personality by

   People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.
 ~famous funny sayings by Thomas Szasz, Personal Conduct, The Second Sin, 1973

   Order derived through submission and maintained by terror is not much of a safe guaranty; yet that is the only order that governments have ever maintained. True social harmony grows naturally out of solidarity of interests. In a society where those who always work never have anything, while those who never work enjoy everything, solidarity of interests is non-existent; hence social harmony is but a myth.... Thus the entire arsenal of governments - laws, police, soldiers, the courts, legislatures, prisons - is strenuously engaged in harmonizing the most antagonistic elements in society.
 ~funny by Emma Goldman, Anarchism

   To me faith means not worrying.
 ~sayings about funny by John Dewey

   I couldn't wait for success... so I went ahead without it.
 ~quotes about Success by Jonathan Winters

   Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads.
 ~famous funny sayings by Henry David Thoreau

   Will urban sprawl spread so far that most people lose all touch with nature? Will the day come when the only bird a typical American child ever sees is a canary in a pet shop window? When the only wild animal he knows is a rat - glimpsed on a night drive through some city slum? When the only tree he touches is the cleverly fabricated plastic evergreen that shades his gifts on Christmas morning?
 ~saying on Trees by Frank N. Ikard, North American Wildlife and Natural Resources Conference, Houston, March 1968

   When one has too great a dread of what is impending, one feels some relief when the trouble has come.
 ~famous funny sayings by Joseph Joubert

   Optimism is the foundation of courage.
 ~funny by Nicholas Murray Butler

   The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer.
 ~sayings about funny by Edward R. Murrow

   It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
 ~quotes about Honesty by Homer Simpson, from the television show The Simpsons

   The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to itYou and you alone make me feel that I am aliveOther men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough
 ~famous funny sayings by George Moore

   The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
 ~saying on Media Journalism by Thomas Jefferson

   I think it would be a good idea.
 ~famous funny sayings by Mahatma Gandhi

   There they stand, the innumerable stars, shining in order like a living hymn, written in light.
 ~funny by N.P. Willis

   When a man is at his wits' end it is not a cowardly thing to pray, it is the only way he can get in touch with Reality.
 ~sayings about funny by Oswald Chambers

   A man is insensible to the relish of prosperity 'til he has tasted adversity
 ~quotes about Adversity by Sa'di (Musharrif-uddin)

   There’s nothing – but nothing – like a written down goal to stretch a man to a bigger size.
 ~famous funny sayings by

   Each departed friend is a magnet that attracts us to the next world
 ~saying on Death by Jean Paul Richter

   Youth is a wonderful thingWhat a crime to waste it on children
 ~famous funny sayings by George Bernard Shaw

   What’s done with pleasure is done full measure. Forced effort tires us three times as fast as enthusiastic effort. One life’s richest blessings is DOING WHAT COMES NATURALLY.
 ~funny by


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