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famous funny quotes generated randomly from our collections

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   When you smile, not only do you feel but you bring a ray of light into the lives of others
 ~quotes about Attitude by Brahma Kumaris

   Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
 ~famous funny quotes by Mark Twain

   Much happiness is overlooked because it doesn’t cost anything.
 ~saying on Happiness by

   Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
 ~famous funny quotes by Winnie the Pooh

   Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
 ~funny by H.L. Mencken

   The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
 ~sayings about funny by George Bernard Shaw

   Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful
 ~quotes about Sweetest Day by Author Unknown

   Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one.
 ~famous funny quotes by Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

   One who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints.
 ~saying on Conformity by Proverb

   Christendom has done away with Christianity without being quite aware of it.
 ~famous funny quotes by Soren Kierkegaard, Time, 16 December 1946

   I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
 ~funny by Fred Allen

   The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?
 ~sayings about funny by Henry David Thoreau

   Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.
 ~quotes about Love by Zelda Fitzgerald

   There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
 ~famous funny quotes by Edith Wharton

   One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever come to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way.
 ~saying on Soul by Vincent Van Gogh

   Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
 ~famous funny quotes by François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

   Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
 ~funny by Alfred Hitchcock

   Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old
 ~sayings about funny by Mary H. Waldrip

   How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?
 ~quotes about Laziness by Paul Sweeney

   I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.
 ~famous funny quotes by M*A*S*H, Hawkeye, Ceasefire, 1973

   Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
 ~saying on Simplicity by E.F. Schumacker

   In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy.
 ~famous funny quotes by Karl Reiland

   Every society honors its live conformists, and its dead troublemakers.
 ~funny by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   I really think that American gentlemen are the best after all, because kissing your hand may make you feel very very good but a diamond and a sapphire bracelet lasts forever.
 ~sayings about funny by Anita Loos

   You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance
 ~quotes about Children by Franklin P. Adams

   I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.
 ~famous funny quotes by Lee Trevino

   Knights of the spirit; warriors in the cause, Of justice absolute 'twixt man and man.
 ~saying on Memorial Day by Richard Watson Gilder

   In everything satiety closely follows the greatest pleasures.
 ~famous funny quotes by Cicero

   We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't
 ~funny by Frank A. Clark

   Modesty is the only sure bait when you angle for praise.
 ~sayings about funny by Lord Chesterfield

   Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are kind, but because you are.
 ~quotes about Attitude by Unknown

   Our fear of death is like our fear that summer will be short, but when we have had our swing of pleasure, our fill of fruit, and our swelter of heat we say we have had our day
 ~famous funny quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   A gun gives you the body, not the bird.
 ~saying on Philosophical by Henry David Thoreau

   The great social adventure of America is no longer the conquest of the wilderness but the absorption of fifty different peoples.
 ~famous funny quotes by Walter Lippman

   Every baby needs a lap.
 ~funny by Henry Robin

   The game has a cleanness. If you do a good job, the numbers say so. You don't have to ask anyone or play politics. You don't have to wait for the reviews
 ~sayings about funny by Sandy Koufax

   Some patients I see are actually draining into their bodies the diseased thoughts of their minds.
 ~quotes about Worry by Zacharty Bercovitz

   If a ferret bites you it is nearly always your own fault.
 ~famous funny quotes by Phil Drabble

   To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year.
 ~saying on Gifts by Elwyn Brooks White

   Men feel that women somehow drag them down, and women feel that way about men. It's possible that both are right.
 ~famous funny quotes by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
 ~funny by Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies

   Mathematics and Poetry are... the utterance of the same power of imagination, only that in the one case it is addressed to the head, in the other, to the heart.
 ~sayings about funny by Thomas Hill

   Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater.
 ~quotes about Adversity by William Hazlitt

   Yes, I am positive that one of the great curatives of our evils, our maladies, social, moral, and intellectual, would be a return to the soil, a rehabilitation of the work of the fields.
 ~famous funny quotes by Charles Wagner

   For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
 ~saying on Stress by Lily Tomlin

   A crying baby is the best form of birth control
 ~famous funny quotes by Carole Tabron

   Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny
 ~funny by Jack Handey

   It's the most unhappy people who most fear change.
 ~sayings about funny by Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

   If you do not raise your eyes you will think that you are the highest point.
 ~quotes about Perspective by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

   When brothers agree, no fortress is so strong as their common life.
 ~famous funny quotes by Antisthenes

   There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.
 ~saying on Hope by Baruch Spinoza

   The inventor of soda crackers has a place in hell.
 ~famous funny quotes by Martin H. Fischer

   There are two things that one must get used to or one will find life unendurable: the damages of time and injustices of men
 ~funny by Nicolas Chamfort

   A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.
 ~sayings about funny by Author Unknown

   Every morning I spend fifteen minutes filling my mind full of God; and so there's no room left for worry thoughts.
 ~quotes about God by Howard Chandler Christy

   When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.
 ~famous funny quotes by Author Unknown

   If you wish to keep as well as possible, the less you think about your health the better.
 ~saying on Health by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Over the Teacups, 1891

   No country can act wisely simultaneously in every part of the globe at every moment of time.
 ~famous funny quotes by Henry Kissinger

   I know we're meant to be these hard-headed, money-obsessed professionals but we're still little boys at heart. Just ask our wives.
 ~funny by Rob Lee, 1998


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