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For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun. Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian. When truth is divided, errors multiply. Physics is geometric proof on steroids. Raising your voice lower your power. Little people talk big. Big ones listen big. After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her - and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out. If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies. A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done. Advertising is an environmental striptease for a world of abundance. The past is malleable and flexible, changing as our recollection interprets and re-explains what has happened. Barbarism is needed every four or five hundred years to bring the world back to life. Otherwise it would die of civilization. We are spirits clad in veils. It is such a secret place, the land of tears. If you just set people in motion they'll heal themselves. I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault. We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the worldIt's called love It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. Make sure to send a lazy man the angel of death I believe there are more urgent and honorable occupations than the incomparable waste of time we call suffering. Men weary as much of not doing the things they want to do as of doing the things they do not want to do. Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it. The only fully educated people are self-educated. The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk. Today is the last day of some of your life. No place affords a more striking conviction of the vanity of human hopes than a public library. I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man. We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. I've fallen in love many times... always with you The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things. Writers would be warm, loyal, and otherwise terrific people--if only they'd stop writing This is perhaps the most beautiful time in human history; it is really pregnant with all kinds of creative possibilities made possible by science and technology which now constitute the slave of man - if man is not enslaved by it. From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life. If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. I think it's in my basement... let me go upstairs and check. All men have a reason, but not all men can give a reason. We did not hesitate to call our movement an armyBut it was a special army, with no supplies but its sincerity, no uniform but its determination, no arsenal except its faith, no currency but its conscience Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. Western society has accepted as unquestionable a technological imperative that is quite as arbitrary as the most primitive taboo: not merely the duty to foster invention and constantly to create technological novelties, but equally the duty to surrender to these novelties unconditionally, just because they are offered, without respect to their human consequences. Give us this day our daily bread is probably the most perfectly constructed and useful sentence ever set down in the English language. One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters In most betting shops you will see three windows marked Bet Here, but only one window with the legend Pay Out. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love. Hear! hear! screamed the jay from a neighboring tree, where I had heard a tittering for some time, winter has a concentrated and nutty kernel, if you know where to look for it. Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. There is a loftier ambition than merely to stand high in the world. It is to stoop down and lift mankind a little higher Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler. It's the menace that everyone loves to hate but can't seem to live without. I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business. Socrates learned to dance when he was seventy because he felt that an essential part of himself had been neglected. A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company. Nothing is certain but death and taxes. Of the two, taxes happen annually There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good. Nature is the art of God. Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. 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