clean funny sayings and quotations on clean sayings

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clean funny sayings generated randomly from our collections

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   When you leave here, don't forget why you came
 ~quotes about Graduation by Adlai Stevenson, to college graduates

   America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.
 ~clean funny sayings by e.e. cummings

   If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.
 ~saying on Friendship by Author Unknown

   Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity.
 ~clean funny sayings by John Ruskin

   The same passions in man and woman nonetheless differ in tempo; hence man and woman do not cease misunderstanding one another.
 ~clean by Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

   A house is never still in darkness to those who listen intently; there is a whispering in distant chambers, an unearthly hand presses the snib of the window, the latch rises. Ghosts were created when the first man awoke in the night.
 ~sayings about clean by J.M. Barrie, Little Minister

   There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously.
 ~quotes about Honesty by Thomas Sowell

   Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.
 ~clean funny sayings by Douglas Pagels, These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You

   Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold
 ~saying on I Love You by Zelda Fitzgerald

   For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o'er life's sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things th
 ~clean funny sayings by Walt Mason

   If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.
 ~clean by Thomas Carlyle

   Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.
 ~sayings about clean by Sid Caesar

   No man was ever wise by chance.
 ~quotes about Wisdom by Seneca

   A sport where the players actually enjoy getting hit in the head by a ball.
 ~clean funny sayings by Soccer advertisement, published for the MetroStars Major League Soccer team, 1997

   'Tis curious that we only believe as deeply as we live.
 ~saying on Hypocrisy by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Knowledge is a sacred cow, and my problem will be how we can milk her while keeping clear of her horns.
 ~clean funny sayings by Albert Szent-Györgyi, Teaching and Expanding Knowledge, Science, 4 December 1964

   I have no doubt that we will be successful in harnessing the sun's energy.... If sunbeams were weapons of war, we would have had solar energy centuries ago.
 ~clean by Sir George Porter, quoted in The Observer, 26 August 1973

   We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothersOur abundance has brought us neither peace of mind nor serenity of spirit
 ~sayings about clean by Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

   Man will begin to recover the moment he takes art as seriously as physics, chemistry or money.
 ~quotes about Art by Ernst Levy

   My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
 ~clean funny sayings by Ashleigh Brilliant

   Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
 ~saying on Creativity by Buddha

   There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.
 ~clean funny sayings by Edwin Denby

   In any family, measles are less contagious than bad habits.
 ~clean by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

   When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, You mean they forget?
 ~sayings about clean by Howard Ikemoto

   Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it.
 ~quotes about Experience. by Author Unknown

   Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall. He will end by destroying the earth.
 ~clean funny sayings by Albert Schweitzer, quoted in James Brabazon, Albert Schweitzer

   The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit
 ~saying on Sweetest Day by Nelson Henderson

   When they start the game, they don't yell, Work ball. They say, Play ball.
 ~clean funny sayings by Willie Stargell, 1981

   I was six when I saw that everything was God, and my hair stood up, and all, Teddy said. It was on a Sunday, I remember. My sister was a tiny child then, and she was drinking her milk, and all of a sudden I saw that she was God and the milk was God. I mean, all she was doing was pouring God into God, if you know what I mean.
 ~clean by J.D. Salinger, Teddy, 1954

   All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients.
 ~sayings about clean by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Sisters may share the same mother and father but appear to come from different families.
 ~quotes about Sisters by Author Unknown

   It's better to fight for something than against something.
 ~clean funny sayings by Author Unknown

   Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.
 ~saying on Homosexuality by Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

   I believe in God; I just don't trust anyone who works for him.
 ~clean funny sayings by Author unknown, from a stand-up comedy routine on television

   Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud snort noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.
 ~clean by P.J. O'Rourke

   Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination.
 ~sayings about clean by John Dewey, The Quest for Certainty, 1929

   We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
 ~quotes about Love by Author Unknown

   A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.
 ~clean funny sayings by Jean de La Fontaine

   The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it
 ~saying on Drinking by Winston Churchill

   A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world
 ~clean funny sayings by Lois Wyse

   I owe much to my friends; but, all things considered, it strikes me that I owe even more to my enemiesThe real person springs life under a sting even better than under a caress
 ~clean by André Gide

   There is no need to reach high for the stars. They are already within you - just reach deep into yourself!
 ~sayings about clean by The Quote Garden

   TV a clever contraction derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville.
 ~quotes about Television by Goodman Ace

   Hardship is best sailed with a heart ship.
 ~clean funny sayings by Terri Guillemets, Dream Quotes: The Imprisoned Writer Speaks at Night

   It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.
 ~saying on Self-Control by Buddha

   Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers - for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.
 ~clean funny sayings by Osho

   No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odour to the nostrils.
 ~clean by Henry Ward Beecher

   God never made his work for man to mend.
 ~sayings about clean by John Dryden

   God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e., everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
 ~quotes about Poker by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens, 1991

   Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.
 ~clean funny sayings by John Archibald Wheeler

   A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
 ~saying on Trees by American Proverb

   The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.
 ~clean funny sayings by Buddha

   Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color
 ~clean by Author Unknown

   Not to be born at all would be the best thing for man, never to behold the sun's scorching rays; but if one is born, then one is to press as quickly as possible to the portals of Hades, and rest there under the earth.
 ~sayings about clean by Thiognis

   My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
 ~quotes about Marriage by Author Unknown

   Nothing more strongly arouses our disgust than cannibalism, yet we make the same impression on Buddhists and vegetarians, for we feed on babies, though not our own.
 ~clean funny sayings by Robert Louis Stevenson

   As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
 ~saying on Prayer by Author Unknown

   You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.
 ~clean funny sayings by Alan Alda

   I fear vastly more a futile, incompetent old age than I do any form of death.
 ~clean by William Allen White


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