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With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. In union there is strength. Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it. Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. If there is a God, he's a great mathematician. It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling. Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. Science is all those things which are confirmed to such a degree that it would be unreasonable to withhold one's provisional consent. Never judge a day by its weather. Sunshine is uplifting; rain, nourishing; wind, exhilarating, snow, cleansing; hail, stimulating. Any weather is better than none. It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration. When freedom from want and freedom from fear are achieved, man's remains will be in rigor mortis. We are closer to the ants than to butterflies. Very few people can endure much leisure. It's not catastrophes, murders, deaths, diseases, that age and kill us; it's the way people look and laugh, and run up the steps of omnibuses The walls of books around him, dense with the past, formed a kind of insulation against the present world and its disasters. Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once The power of quotation is as dreadful a weapon as any which the human intellect can forge. If man were immortal he could be perfectly sure of seeing the day when everything in which he had trusted should betray his trust, and, in short, of coming eventually to hopeless misery. He would break down, at last, as every good fortune, as every dynasty, as every civilization does. In place of this we have death. A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around. Home, the spot of earth supremely blest,A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest. Don't waste time learning the tricks of the trade. Instead, learn the trade. What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on? A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself. It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference God and other artists are always a little obscure. The family is one of nature's masterpieces. Optimism is the foundation of courage. Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. Those who never rebelled against God or at some point in their lives shaken their fists in the face of heaven, have never encountered God at all. No two gardens are the same. No two days are the same in one garden. It is impossible to calculate the moral mischief, if I may so express it, that mental lying has produced in society. When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind as to subscribe his professional belief to things he does not believe he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime. Soon I will be an old, white-haired lady, into whose lap someone places a baby, saying, Smile, Grandma! - I, who myself so recently was photographed on my grandmother's lap. Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels The most prized all possessions is a pleasant disposition – 10% nature; 90% nurture. To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. On every stem, on every leaf,... and at the root of everything that grew, was a professional specialist in the shape of grub, caterpillar, aphis, or other expert, whose business it was to devour that particular part. when I Die Let It Be When They Come For me Bury Me a G. Logic hasn't wholly dispelled the society of witches and prophets and sorcerers and soothsayers. Listening to both sides of a story will convince you that there is more to a story than both sides. Great food is like great sex. The more you have the more you want. Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. Our credulity is greatest concerning the things we know least about. And since we know least about ourselves, we are ready to believe all that is said about us. Hence the mysterious power of both flattery and calumny. Says the rude child: No, I won't do it. Says the courteous grown-up: Yes, I won't do it. How glorious a greeting the sun gives the mountains! We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. Animals suffer as much as we do. True humanity does not allow us to impose such sufferings on them. It is our duty to make the whole world recognize it. Until we extend our circle of compassion to all living things, humanity will not find peace. Trip over love, you can get upFall in love and you fall forever Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not drive on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning. I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates. I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking. 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